THAT LITTLE JOHNNY FELLA!!!

[MOBLEYC57]

Little Johnny\'s next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny\'s family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny\'s parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, little Johnny\'s Dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said, \"Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I\'m really going to spank your butt good when we get back home!!\"

\"I promise not to mention his missing ears at all,\" said Little Johnny.

At the neighbor\'s home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby\'s hand. He looked at it\'s mother and said, \"Oh, what a beautiful little baby!\"

The mother, who had braced herself for Little Johnny\'s comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, \"Thank you very much, Little Johnny.\"

He then said, \"This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see real good?\"

The mother a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies \"Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?\"

Little Johnny said, \"Well, it is a good thing, \'cause he sure as sh*t can\'t wear glasses.\"

HOPE YOUR MONDAY HOLDS LOTS OF SMILES FA YA!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif TATER!!!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Roaring laughing.

That one really caught me by surprise.

[MOBLEYC57]

\"That one really caught me by surprise.\"

Say Huh!!!? /ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif And they say miracles don\'t happen!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[bivonic]

Little Johnny is sitting in class when he realizes he has to go to the bathroom....He raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him, \"Yes, Johnny, what is it?\"
\"Ive gotta go take a pi$$\" quips Johnny, prompting all the kids to giggle.

The teacher tells Johnny, \"Now Johnny, you KNOW thats not how to ask to go to the bathroom. You should have used the word \'urinate\' instead of the \'p\' word. Now, Im going to let you go use the restroom, but I want you to think about the word \'urinate\', and use it in a sentence when you get back.\", and off he goes to the restroom.

...So theres little Johnny in front of the urinal in the bathroom doing his thing, thinking \"urinate....urinate.....urinate....IVE GOT IT!!!\" and heads back to class.

\"Ok, Johnny,\" says the teacher, \"give us your sentence with the word urinate\"

Little Johnny gets up in front of the class, clears his throat and says \"Teach, I think urinate, and if you had bigger titts, youd be a 10.\"

[bivonic]

During a spelling bee, litte Johnny is acting up as usual, so he gets a special take-home assignment. The teacher tells him to learn how to spell \"contaigous\" and be able to use it in a sentence the next day.
The next day, Johnny comes rollin into class, smiling ear to ear. \"Ok, Johnny\", says the teacher, \"lets hear it. the word is contaigous.\"

\"Contaigous\", says Johnny, \"c-o-n-t-a-i-g-o-u-s. Contaigous\".

\"Very good,\" replies the teacher. \"Now use it in a sentence\"

Johnny replies, \"At the rate my mother is going, it\'ll take that cont-aigous to finish painting the living room!\"

[bivonic]

it\'s prolly just an english barrier thing, think slang, sound out the words & you might get it.

[edit: oops looks like seadove deleted his post]

[seadove]

Ok I got the first one

/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

What\'s a cont?

[bivonic]

think of a woman\'s private parts. Or maybe this will help C U Next Tuesday?

[seadove]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah so that\'s it !!!

I should have known Johnnie !

/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[seadove]

\'Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and...\' Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story, so Little Johnny tells her.

\'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy\'s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

`I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy\'

At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy\'s face when you tell it tonight.\'

At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and \'... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.\'

/ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif

[seadove]

Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.

\"Does anyone know what this is?\" She asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, \"Sure, my daddy has two of them!\"

\"Two of them?!\" the teacher asked.

\"Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy\'s teeth!\"

[seadove]

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny\'s habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.

Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, \'I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.\'

`Very good, William,\' said the teacher.

\'My mummy had a baby,\' said little Esther.

\'Oh, that\'s nice,\' replied the teacher.

Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. \'I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.\'

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, \'And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?\'

\'It\'ll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.\'
/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif