Yikes! Did I handle this ok?

[bsxs]

me: he sounds like the kinda person, when you first get to know them theyre really sweet and complimenting towards you.. but once you get deeper.. OUT COMES THE SUPER BITCH!!! oh man ive had that, i definitely regret getting to know her
me: yikes!
her: do u mean me?
me: nooooooooo
me: ahhahaa no!
her: i mean i understand if u think so
me: of course not!
me: im tlaking about this girl elizabeth
her: oh i c
her: well thanxs
me: i think you\'re a great person.. i wouldnt keep talking to you every night if i didnt like you
her: but i g2g
her: thanxs
her: heh
me: lol
her: nightnight
me: later
her: sweetdreams
---- signed off at 11:37:32 PM.

Wow. This is my ex-girlfriend. She\'s pretty insecure and is very stressed towards everything lately. I do still kinda like her. Did I handle this alright? Tell me what you think.

[bundyburger]

?
What are you worried about? Sounds great. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[bsxs]

She\'s a real challenge and a confusing person. Which means it\'d be bad for my health to get back with her. Something is drawing me towards her though. I don\'t think she likes me right now, but I kinda wanna sneak my way back in there.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I think maybe you missed a cue. \"I mean, I understand if you think so.\" When you have face time with her, if you do, revisit that part of the conversation. Ask her why she would understand if you thought so [thought she was a bitch]. When you gloss over things and make nice all the time, it makes women insecure and bitchy. We KNOW you\'re thinking something, something probably not flattering, but you keep up the \"nice\" front. I don\'t know if this is making sense. It\'s better, if you can, to say honestly how you see things. I think she wants to be acknowledged as the pain in the ass that she is. No need to be mean about it at all, but you could say she\'s a challenge, or she\'s certainly a bitch in her own right if she wants to be, something along those lines. It also might be wise to avoid mentioned other women\'s names. Elizabeth who? I\'ll scratch her eyes out. Where does she live? I\'m going over there right now. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[bundyburger]

FTR,
I see what you are saying and I saw that missed cue too. I\'m sure bsxs seen it too. But sometimes to a guy a girl isn\'t a bitch just because she has done some really bitchy things. She wanted him to confirn that she was a bitch and to him she isn\'t. So he said \"No\". She has been bitchy, but he doesn\'t define her as that. That\'s WHY we are over nice like that. We have different definitions.

Bsxs,
FTR\'s right too. If she was being a bitch at one time, tell her. She knows it anyway. It\'s obvious she has a guilty conscience and telling her in a nice way that you weren\'t happy with how she handled things would be better off.

\" It\'s better, if you can, to say honestly how you see things.I think she wants to be acknowledged as the pain in the ass that she is. No need to be mean about it at all\" -- says it pretty well to me. I went through what you are last year and continuing to be nice didn\'t work.

[bsxs]

What I\'m saying I\'m being honest. I don\'t think she\'s a bitch. I think she\'s a very sweet person, but she has really low self-esteem. Lately I\'ve been having trouble convincing her that what I think is real though.

[bundyburger]

Yes. I hear you. But what FTR is getting trying to get accross is that you have to acknowledge the bad as well. Yes, she is a very sweet person. But if she was asking \"Do you mean me?\" it says to me that she has done or said some things to you that she isn\'t proud of. I bet you know what that is. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Are you saying she\'s never did or said a single thing that was nasty to you??

[bsxs]

She\'s done plenty, but that doesn\'t make her a bad person. There\'s way too many things she\'s done for her to apologize for and I think she kinda feels like she\'s ruined with me maybe. She doesn\'t believe some nice things I say about her, because I think she thinks its unrealistic for me to say these things. I don\'t know how to convince her that it is real.

[bundyburger]

She\'s the kindest, sweetest, most gorgeous, most adorable bitch you\'ve ever known. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[bsxs]

Lol true dat.

[bundyburger]

I just know that the being really nice to her and trying to \"help\" her is probably making it worse. It did for me.

[Elana]

<<She\'s the kindest, sweetest, most gorgeous, most adorable bitch you\'ve ever known>>

/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Sexyredhead]

You know, it makes it easier to believe all the good things a guy says when he\'s honest enough to *tactfully* tell you the bad things as well.
It may sound strange, but the only way you know a guy\'s being truthful about all the good things is if he complains about a thing or two every once in a while. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yes, that\'s exactly right. If you\'re not truthful about the bad, why should she think you\'re being truthful about the good?

Also, another fine point, maybe, but -- it\'s important to make a clear difference between the person being good and their actions being good. She\'s a good person. Some of her actions, maybe not so good. Pointing out that a good person did a bad thing is not telling them they\'re a bad person. \"Hate the sin, but love the sinner,\" is what I always heard from the preacher. Sounds like you\'ve got that down pat, but ... hate the sin, yo. Don\'t ignore it and make excuses because her self-esteem is low, so she can\'t help treating you like sh!t. Now she\'s really cleaning up! She can treat you badly and she\'s somehow managed to make you feel sorry for her for doing it. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[bsxs]

This advice is a little weird for me, especially since I\'ve been studying the book on \'irresistable attraction\'. Which talks about always staying optimistic and how to be charismatic and stuff. Always the positive sides of things, and that\'s what attracts people towards you. So it\'s kinda hard to take in.

[Sexyredhead]

Well, there\'s a difference between being a \"yes-man\" and being constructively critical. A \'yes man\' always agrees and has something positive to say. That gets old, and nobody really believes him after a while. Constructive criticism is a way of pointing out something negative, but in a way that doesn\'t elicit defensiveness. For example, tactfully point out something she does that you don\'t like, but compliment something she does that you really like as a follow-up--preferably something that\'s on the same topic. Then you may be able to talk it over to figure out what\'s really going on.

Example: \"It bothers me that we can\'t talk on the phone more often, because you and I always have such great conversations on the phone.\"

Not the best, example, I know. But do you get the difference?

[bsxs]

Ohhh I get whatcha mean. Yeah I do that sometimes.