looking for answers

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hello all
I have a serious question for the pros here. I was dating this girl for about 3 weeks. Everything was going fantastic. Until the monday after valentines day. She ended the relationship and didnt give me a reason. I started thinking about why she would do it. I know there could be a million of them, but heres what I am wondering. The last time I saw here before she called and ended it, was Valentines Day. But Valentines day was the first time I was ever near her and not wearing mones. Could this be a possible reason? Any insight from men and women would really be appreciated.

[Sexyredhead]

Umm, did you get her something for Valentine\'s Day? Some women are really freaky if you don\'t get them something, doesn\'t matter if you\'ve only been dating 20 minutes.

Another reason might be she was just using you so she wouldn\'t be alone on Valentine\'s Day, horrible as that may be. Some women do that.

All we can do is surmise really. I doubt it\'s the -mones.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yeah, we spent the whole night together. we doubled with 2 friends, and I cooked a really nice dinner (cornish hens) and flowers and the whole nine yards. It probably seems wierd that Im this bothered over a 3 week relationship, But its the fact that I dont know anything about her reasoning. I will admit, I have had my fair share of break ups, but there has always been a reason. I just get bothered over unanswered questions.

[Sexyredhead]

Did you ask her why she broke up with you?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yeah. She called me and did it when I was out with my a co-worker. I tried to talk with her about it then, but she was very reserved. I thought it would be best to give her time to think things out. Maybe she can find the words to help me understand.

[Sexyredhead]

She may never tell you. Sounds like she either decided she didn\'t like you and wanted the coward\'s way out--on the phone--and the answering machine, no less! It\'s possible some miscommunication occurred that you\'re unaware of and she\'s not talking about. I really have no idea. Best thing is to move on to a better offer, confusing as this one may be.

[Elana]

Breakups suck. Here is a big hug {{{{{Elijah}}}}} /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif
Move on and find someone that deserves you.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Thanks for the hug!!! And if you wanna point a few woman in my direction, I wont complain, I promise!

[oscar]

elijah,

I\'m sure the ladies will correct me if I\'m wrong, but I don\'t think that a double-date scenario fits in with most women\'s Valentine\'s Day fantasies no matter how new the relationship.

If this was your idea, it may have been reason enough for her to dump you.
If it was her idea, then you\'re going to have to keep looking for answers.

Oscar /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Elana]

<<If this was your idea, it may have been reason enough for her to dump you.>>

It may not be ideal, but I can\'t imagine it would warrent a break up.

[MOBLEYC57]

Holidays - Christmas & Valentines Day....can\'t speak for her, BUT.....women get soft on these holidays. Meaning....need to be with someone....some...anyone. Presents are wanted and needed by many. Female players are fine on their own... lots of attention, dinner dates, hotel hot tubs, movies, gifts from all of their male wannabe\'s/sleeping partners, but those holidays, the feeling of a need to be close to someone, and if it\'s the type of player that dates married men, or men with girlfriends.....well, you know it\'s difficult to get away on those special days, and were does it leave the players....alone. Take a deep breath, let it out slow while counting to 10. Now......move on! You\'ll be just fine. Ugly, but T\'WUE! TATER!!!

[a.k.a.]

Top ten reasons for dumping a guy after three weeks:

10) She doesn’t like you without pheromones.
9) You’re not meeting her emotional needs.
8) You’re not meeting her sexual needs.
7) You’re moving too fast.
6) You’re moving too slow.
5) You’re taking things too seriously.
4) She’s back with her ex.
3) She found somebody else.
2) She found somebody else.
1) She found somebody else

Guys tend to obsess over “Why?” when girls dump them. (As if romance was a rational thing.) This is futile IMO. Even if you discover that she found somebody else, you’re going to wonder “Why him? What’s he got that I don’t?”. It’s endless and it gets you nowhere.

Top ten ways to get over a girl that dumped you after three weeks:

10) Find somebody else.
9) Find somebody else.
8) Find somebody else.
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1) Find somebody else.

[MOBLEYC57]

\"It may not be ideal, but I can\'t imagine it would warrent a break up.\"

I\'m on your team on that one El! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[Bruce]

Hello Prophet,
Sorry about your misfortune. I have to marvel at the great inside info you are getting from the ladies, and hesitate to add anything to that, but it seems like you did everything on your end to make romance happen. I wouldn\'t change any of that. Attraction is a very mysterious thing and I believe we are all \"scripted\" to a greater or lesser degree to go after a certain type of person. If you try too hard to be that perfect person for somebody, you can end up with somebody who is in love with somebody you are not.

There have been numerous threads on this forum with subjects like \"jerks get all the women\". I don\'t agree, but I do think that jerks get all the women who are looking for jerks. Nice guys get women who are looking for a nice guy. Just by \"being yourself\" you will necessarily eliminate a whole lot of folks from your life, be it romance or plutonic friendship. I know it is not easy, but I wouldn\'t trouble yourself too much about the details.

Bruce

[MadDoctor]

> ... jerks get all the women who are looking for jerks.

I\'d add that time is on the side of nice guys. Girls who swooned over the jerks in high school usually learn that being with a jerk is no fun in the long haul. Eventually almost all of them will dump their jerks and start looking for a nice guy.

[bivonic]

After reading a.k.a.\'s post, this is just a hunch, but I\'m thinking it could be #4 - she\'s back with her ex. If that was the case she wouldn\'t want to tell you since she\'d feel like a scumbag for using you for V-Day.

Sounds like someone you shouldn\'t bother with, sounds like a head-case, move on & find someone else.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

The bad behavior you guys report of women stuns me. I had no idea. Prophet elijah\' story reminds me of the line, \"I\'m gonna hit you so hard your brother will fall down hurt.\" That\'s how hard that girl hit you. I\'m rubbing my heart, wincing. What is WRONG with people?? I apologize on behalf of the female sex. And I\'d be absolutely desperate with curiosity too, in your place.

[SwingerMD]

Prophet,

I\'m with bivonic with this one. Two years ago I was dating this gal over the span of about three months. Our first date was great. Without any planning on my part it somehow ended up on Valentine\'s Day. A few months later, we went out again. Everything was going fine then . . . her mood just suddenly changed. She started acting very nervous and wouldn\'t look me in the eye. At the end I asked her if she would like to go out on another date. She stared at me with this incredulous expression on her face and said, \"Date!? This wasn\'t a date!\" /ubbthreads/images/icons/blush.gif Things pretty much went downhill from there.

I never did get an answer from her directly, but from friends I had found out a few weeks later that she had a very nasty fight with her boyfriend around the same time that I had nasty breakup with my last girlfriend. I also found out that they had made up /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif .

My advice, start fishing around and have fun. Keep your ears open, but don\'t concentrate on her.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Well, First, let me say thank you to everyone who read and posted. I really appreciate the different perspectives. Well, it has been a while and I feel all of you deserve an update. I ended up talking to her on Tuesday (the 25th) and I was able to get some answers. To make a long story short, she told me she was scared that I was going to leave her, and that I thought she wasnt good enough for me. We talked for about 2 hours that night, and after lots of tears, she asked if I would give her another chance, and I told her yes. Its only been a few days, but everything seems fine. Lets hope this works out!

[tallmacky]

I don\'t believe anyone discussed the possibilities of pheromones playing a vital role, which they could be. The too good for me seems like she was worried of your high -none etc... I could be way off after all it is just an assumption.

Do you use -none products?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Only thing I used was PI/m. I use a dab behind each ear. other than that, only other scent I wear is my cologne.