FOR THE LADIES...DUMP-A-MAN FORM LETTER

[MOBLEYC57]

Dear _______________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check those that apply)

1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can\'t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It\'s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you \"buy condoms by the truckload\" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can\'t GET into my pants.

8. ___You\'re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

9. ___You\'re too tall. I\'m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

10. ___You have a hairy back.

11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

13. ___The phrase \"My Mother\" has popped up far too often in conversation.

14. ___You still live with your parents.

15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.

18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, _________________________________


HAVE A GREAT DAY!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif TATER!!!!

[Blackwidow_Woman]

DUMP-A-MAN FORM LETTER,
Ok no prob there,
Mr. Faulk, XXXXXX- you [bad word] head!!!!!!!!
your dweling on your x girlfriend, what a sleez..
your thinking of me as a mommy figure,
your using me as a tool,
you wanting to be high on shrooms all the time,
your tounge action and playing around only to leave me wet and hot,
you think you know it all and you dont
you play with my emotions,
you lie, manipulate, use me, just to break my heart only to turn around and call me baby, sweety i love you and miss you and all only to stab me in the back and then turn around and do it all over again,
you want me to kiss your a$$ and beg you for more, you treat me like crap only to turn around and treat me like a heaven sent godess.
you want sex then you dont then you want a compaion then you dont you want a friend then you dont then back to more sex..
Well guess what, you lose!!!!! I dumped you and i dont need your crap no more or your so called close loving friendship, and all the talk you do gets you nowhere and you cant play with peoples minds like that no more let alone break hearts!!!!! And as far as im concernd your the Bitch!!!!!!
And as far as all the talk about how you love gay bars fine no prob but get a life and figure out what it is you really want, dick or pu$$y!
Oh one last thing, GROW UP!!!! You sleez bag.....
My 2 cents worth!!!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Gerund]

I really don\'t get # 15...
/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Sexyredhead]

Lemme guess, you\'ve got tickets to the next convention already? lol

This scifi dork can\'t say a whole lot, but at least I don\'t have the wardrobe to announce it to the world. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Gerund]

I don\'t have any of the red uniforms, \'cuz those guys always got killed in their first episode. You\'d think they\'d learn!

[Sexyredhead]

lol /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Elana]

Let me guess BWW....you recently had a not so good breakup? /ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

She told his ass off in fine style, I must say.

What\'s so bad about back hair?

[Blackwidow_Woman]

well your darn right i told him off many of times did he get the point NO! and well it was a few months ago he still dont get the point wants me to crawl back well la-de-da i dont think so what a dirt bag scum...
And oh Mr FaulkXXXXX you moron!!!!
By the way wheres all those promises you made to me over and over and over for more than a year and a half, pay up or shut up.. and all those piss poor excuses, \"im sorry\" im sorry\", well ya know what i was on to you long befour you could cry home to your party boys...and as for heather well, she sure didnt teach you squat or how to be a real man..and when the door does hit you in the head let alone the a$$ maybe heather will take your crying butt back and put a baby bottle in your mouth and shut you up.... Am i finished NO!!!!!! far from it.. ( men get a life and deal with it.).. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[Elana]

So let me get this straight....you don\'t really like this guy anymore? /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif
No chance for reconciliation?

[Blackwidow_Woman]

> (No chance for reconciliation?) NO WAY!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif
Elana , there is no way in this world i would ever give that so called poor excuse of a man another chance even if it was the last thing on this earth i had to do.. It was shame on me for givin him one to many chances... so wheres your letter hehehehehehehe!!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

See! I knew you didn\'t know how to really use handcuffs! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif Geeeeeez BWW! How do you really feel? /ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Blackwidow_Woman]

MOBLEY, those handcuffs were ment just for you... /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif hehehe!!! Crap if i did ever cuff him up he would go running and cryin to Heather sayin, that woman tied me up and made me do things thats wierd,, HA!!!! How do i feel,, i feel just fine.. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif I just get out my book of morons and put him under the catigorey, \"im to stupid to know what to do with or how to treat a real woman\".. hehehehehe!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

\"MOBLEY, those handcuffs were ment just for you... hehehe!!!\"

THAT\'S A NEGATIVE GHOST RIDER!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif Anyone cuffing someone...twill be me! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

Crap if i did ever cuff him up he would go running and cryin to Heather sayin, that woman tied me up and made me do things thats wierd,, HA!!!!\"

See! If you made him feel good all tied up...he wouldn\'t tell a soul. Mmmmmmm weird is a good weird. You probably put hot wax and stuff all over him! /ubbthreads/images/icons/crazy.gif Bad girl!!

\"I just get out my book of morons and put him under the catigorey, \"im to stupid to know what to do with or how to treat a real woman\".. hehehehehe!!\"

Hey! Who you trying to fool!!? You\'re not a real woman! You\'re a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad woman! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[Blackwidow_Woman]

>(See! If you made him feel good all tied up...he wouldn\'t tell a soul. Mmmmmmm weird is a good weird. You probably put hot wax and stuff all over him! Bad girl!! ) Im not a bad girl i am just really evil..I play fair!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif
Im a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad evil woman that wants to show you how i really can play... come over bad boy hehehehe!!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

Should you be so lucky to have me, my tall black hat, white gloves, and magic wand! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif People would think that you\'ve lost it, walking around with pom poms screaming, \"Mobley! Mobley! he\'s my man! If he doesn\'t pleasure me, no one can!!\" /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Blackwidow_Woman]

hehehehe!!! i dont know about pom poms but would some giant ostrich feathers work and me in a little maids outfit do.... /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

How about the feather, and you out of the outfit? /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

How \'bout you two get a room and spare us the visuals?

[MOBLEYC57]

What!? You mean to tell me you wouldn´t want to see BWW clicking her heels together like a seal while screaming ¨¨¨Mobley! You animal! You beast! Beans and franks! Beans and franks! Yeeeeeeeeha! Somebody dial 911!¨¨ /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Besides....who needs a room when there´s the great outdoors!? /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Blackwidow_Woman]

help someone dial 911!!!!! Mobley got raped by a crazy indian woman from out in them there woods...hehehehehehe!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Oh, god, we\'ve all lost our minds. LOL

[MOBLEYC57]

\"Oh, god, we\'ve all lost our minds. LOL\"

I\'d say FTR!!!! It\'s amazing what people can do on the net isn\'t it? You notice how BWW didn\'t finished the story? Let me show you what she left out.....\"help someone dial 911!!!!! Mobley got raped by a crazy indian woman from out in them there woods.\" BUT THEN HE FOUND HER G-SPOT, AND THERE WAS NOTHING SHE COULD DO!

HE LICKED HER AND POUNDED HER UNTIL SHE EXPLODED FOR HER FIFTYFIRST TIME,
SHE BEGGED HIM TO STOP CAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS DYING.

WITH HIS MOUTH ON HER TOES, AND HIS FINGERS WORKING THAT SPOT,
SHE SCREAMED \"I\'M SEEING DEAD PEOPLE!\" AS SHE SQUIRTED SOMETHING HOT,

SHE FELL FAST ASLEEP ON A BALE OF HAY,
MOBLEY SMILING,GOT DRESSED, AND CALMLY WALKED AWAY,

SEVEN DAYS SHE SLEPT, SHE FINALLY AWOKE CRYING,
SHE SAID, \"I\'VE GOT TO GET SOME MOE OF THAT MAN, AND I AIN\'T LYING!!!\"

SHE CALLED ALL HER CRITTERS, IN NEED OF ADVICE,
THEY SAID, \"MASTER, YOU\'VE SERVIVED MOBLEY\'S PLEASURES ONCE, BUT YOU MAY NOT TWICE!!

YOU RAPED THE WRONG MAN, BIT OFF MORE THAN YOU COULD CHEW,
NOW YOU\'RE ALL MESSED UP, CAUSE HE MOBLEYTIZED YOU!\"

THE INDIAN WOMAN, DIDN\'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, DIDN\'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,
SHE LOOKED AT THE MOON AND SAID, \"WHERE ARE YOU MISTER MOBLEY....I\'M IN NEED OF YOU.\" THE END.

[Blackwidow_Woman]

MOBLEY, you aint nothin but a huge tease!!!!!!! Now if you was standing right in front of me right now you wouldnt be talking you would be doin... /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

\"Now if you was standing right in front of me right now you wouldnt be talking you would be doin...\"

Now! See what you just typed BWW? You typed it without even thinking it! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Sure I wouldn\'t be talking...you\'d be getting Mobleytized! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif And now...I know that you know that I know that you know!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Cool!!

[Blackwidow_Woman]

Ok since I know that you know that I know that you know!! you can just bring it on... ANYTIME!!!!!!!!!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

I\'ll be waiting under your Christmas tree this year, wearing nothing but a red ribbon and a bow. That will be me behind that boner! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif