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View Full Version : Traits women look for in men when they first meet



bivonic
02-13-2003, 03:09 PM
I\'m pretty sure what the top 2 are:

1. Confidence (self-assurance including poise not egotistical)
2. Humor
3. Appearance (not talking pretty face or nice butt, more about how he dresses, style, cleanliness, good grooming)
4. Charm
5. Physical Attributes (listed below in order of importance)
......a. height
......b. face
......c. abs/waist
......d. attractive smile good white teeth
......e. muscle tone
6. Sincerity / Understanding / Heart(?)
7. Intelligence
8. Machismo (alpha male qualities)
9. Money
10. Status

Does that sound about right? I know every woman is different. I am familiar with what it takes to try & develop all of them but Charm - is this just something you are born with, or is it something you can get better at. How would you define charm - is it like being a smooth talker makes you charming? Is it like everyone is your friend & you have no enemies? I think it\'s tough to bottle up some charm.

charm (chärm) n.
1. The power or quality of pleasing or delighting; attractiveness: a breezy tropical setting of great charm.
2. A particular quality that attracts; a delightful characteristic: A mischievous grin was among the child\'s many charms.
3. A small ornament, such as one worn on a bracelet.
4. An item worn for its supposed magical benefit, as in warding off evil; an amulet.
5. An action or formula thought to have magical power.
6. The chanting of a magic word or verse; incantation.
7. Physics. A quantum property of the charm quark whose conservation explains the absence of certain strange-particle decay modes and that accounts for the longevity of the J particle.

I guess it\'s some magical amulet that wards off all of the sleezy\'s /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

charisma is a better word:
cha·ris·ma n. pl. cha·ris·ma·ta (-m-t)
1. a. A rare personal quality attributed to leaders who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm.
....b. Personal magnetism or charm: a television news program famed for the charisma of its anchors.
2. Christianity. An extraordinary power, such as the ability to perform miracles, granted by the Holy Spirit.

Damn if Bruce can come up with a pheromone WACG (What A Charming Guy) he would be selling that like hot cakes!!!

Blackwidow_Woman
02-13-2003, 03:18 PM
This is what i look for in a man period...
(6. Sincerity / Understanding / Heart!! ) and one of my own,
To Be Your Self!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif Also a man who can make me feel safe, loved and cared for....

bivonic
02-13-2003, 03:24 PM
Here\'s a separate easier question to answer.

You get to make your perfect man & have 5 ingredients to play with, all you need to do is put them in the order that is important to you & say the magic word & viola - you\'ll meet him in one day.

- Money
- Good Looks
- Heart
- Intelligence
- Sense of humor

How would you order them from 1 to 5.

Sexyredhead
02-13-2003, 03:55 PM
Heart
Intelligence
Sense of Humor
Good looks
Money

Blackwidow_Woman
02-13-2003, 04:06 PM
Heart
Sense of humor
Intelligence
Good Looks - not worried about this at all..
Money - deffinetly not worried about this one...

franki
02-13-2003, 04:13 PM
Usually at this point in the discussion you will see a guy stepping up, who is saying women only pretend that money and/or good looks don\'t matter ... /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

Franki /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Elana
02-13-2003, 04:22 PM
My initial attraction is Animal magnetism....chemisty...being in the presence of a real man.

bivonic
02-13-2003, 04:23 PM
I used to pass judgement on others when I asked this same question, but rather then qualities they look for in their mate, I worded it as if you could wipe the slate clean & you had these 5 ingredients how would you rank them.

I had two friends at the time, they were friends of convenience, we had a common competitive trait & perhaps that is why I enjoyed hanging out with them, they had some obnoxious personality traits & when I asked them this question neither one of them listed heart at the top of the list, they listed it at 4 or 5!! It just so happens neither of them are friends of mine anymore, it was by no means directly related to that answer there were other reasons, but looking back I think it\'s interesting. I\'ve met one or two girls that also did not list it 1st, I lost immediate interest in them. The answer I always give is:

1. Heart (the most difficult out of the 5 to acquire/learn)
2. Sense of Humor (runner up, sure you can learn to be funny but I think it is very difficult)
3. Intelligence (I got a great book, How to Think like Leonardo Da Vinci - that teaches you how to become smarter)
4. Good Looks (diet, exercise, surgery & a healthy spirituality outlook can overcome most flaws)
5. Money (this is the easiest out of the 5 to acquire, work on 1 & 3 & #5 will follow)

bivonic
02-13-2003, 04:24 PM
Animal Magnetism = Personal Magnetism, this has become my current personal research project, so far all I found was some NLP sites, I\'ll keep searching.

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 05:58 PM
Heart Intelligence/Sense of Humor -- he\'s got to be smart enough that he feels he can hold his own with me. Sense of humor is important only as far as he doesn\'t take himself devastatingly seriously -- but he doesn\'t have to be funny all the time or even a lot of the time. I don\'t really care what he looks like, and I make my own money.I have to be able to feel him -- it has to be like he is transmitting on my frequency. Then any of the rest of it doesn\'t matter. That happens once in a blue moon.

Wolfe
02-13-2003, 06:02 PM
one should never judge a book by it\'s cover either.
a line from the hobbit
\"all that glitters is not gold\"

Lucky
02-13-2003, 06:13 PM
1.Sense of humor
2.Intelligence
3.Heart
4.Good Looks
5.Money

bjf
02-13-2003, 08:09 PM
so basically if someone is put in the friend category it is because they have no confidence???

I have often heard the thing, \"women don\'t like nice guys\"

I don\'t believe that. I think that they don\'t like guys who are completely uncofident (which results in them being even to scared to disagree, make demands, etc) and they are labeled as \"nice guys.\" They are not necessarily nice guys. Nice guys are guys who are not afraid of not pleasing a women, but want to please them because they like to.

i also don\'t think women like guys who treat them like jerks. I think though that those guys sometimes have the confidence to displease, sometimes leading to being a jerk, and that is the aspect of the man that they are attracted to.

i hate hearing guys say, you can\'t be \"nice.\" No you can. What you can\'t do is have no personality or bring not the slightest bit of swager, call it \"being nice\" and then expect her to like you.

for a long time the nice guy/cocky guy thing annoyed me before i realized that women prefer nice, but you got to just bring it (and I am talking about something like a sense of self).

Am I right about this ladies?

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 08:12 PM
The friend = has no confidence means she\'s not attracted to you sexually, and who knows why. I\'m not sure it has anything to do with your confidence.

The rest of what you wrote is true, I think.

bjf
02-13-2003, 08:18 PM
yea but if looks matter so little (i know that isnt true all the time) and you have the qualities that would make you a friend (which seem to be at the top of the list beside confidence) and u are put together and not disgusting, i would think it would be confidence that makes a women not sexually interested but wanting u as a friend.

ahh who knows. What i really don\'t get is how women don\'t more so care about what a man\'s face looks like. Don\'t you need to like his face to have his lips on yours (either set)?

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 08:25 PM
You have to like it. But liking it does not depend on it being handsome. There could be some quirk about the way he smiles that makes your heart flip. Just ... \"something in the way [h]e moves.\" Look at Gerard Depardieu (sp?), that French actor. He\'s fat, he\'s got a big nose, and I\'d jump him in a heartbeat.


Women attach emotion to everything and we see things all together at once, we get a big picture incorporating every detail including voice, posture, face, body, smell, etc. Men are more compartmentalized and more primarily visually oriented, and not so emotionally accessible.


We just respond to you. We don\'t know why, necessarily. Sometimes it\'s because you\'re good looking. Sometimes you\'re ugly as sin but you just have that something about you that a particular woman finds irresistable.

bjf
02-13-2003, 08:36 PM
hmm....see i don\'t think we are that compartmentalized because we just look at face, and then the rest of the body (not ass, tits, shoulders, wrists, or whatever) as one.

as for tits, they only serve as something a positive, lack of them is not a negative and lack of them is not something that guys even really notice for 99 percent of men. Big misconception about that. Rarely have i heard a man say anything like \"she doesn\'t have tits\" Guys always want better face.

I think women are more crazy with stuff like that. I.E. the obession with height is really odd and terrible in my opinion. i can see a women wanting someone taller then them, but as far as these rules of being at least 5-10 or 6-foot, or whatever, or even noticing differences of two inches makes no sense to me. Putting that ahead of facial apperance also is odd to me. How can the last two inches of about 60 count so much.

By the way i am average height, no napolian complex. Just find it odd and don\'t see why it is the number one physical attribute women look at.

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 08:38 PM
It\'s a fact about how our brains work. We like you to be taller than so we can be smaller than. But you know what? A lot of these demands people put on each other are just about their own insecurity. For example, some women don\'t want to be with a guy who\'s skinnier than they are, not because they don\'t find the guy attractive, but because by contrast they think their butt\'s too big and they would always be self-conscious. Same thing with height. It\'s not that the shorter guy isn\'t attractive. It\'s that his being shorter or the same height that she is makes her self-conscious about her own height. Guys have this, too. They might really be attracted to a girl who\'s not beautiful or \"hot.\" But they\'d never admit it to the other guys, or want to take her out, etc., because she\'s not enough of a trophy, she doesn\'t make them look good enough.

bjf
02-13-2003, 08:53 PM
perhaps that is the case in some situations, but ive heard on a number of occaisions that in general women attribute height with success, and that has no grounding.

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 08:58 PM
whatever

bundyburger
02-13-2003, 09:06 PM
I heard women look for.

1. Tall
2. Dark
3. Handsome
4. Prince
5. With lots \'o\' money.

/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
02-13-2003, 09:13 PM
and a dirty mind, a big johnson, and a talented tongue.

bundyburger
02-13-2003, 09:19 PM
Yeah, I know, but I don\'t now what number comes after 5. /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif

seadove
02-13-2003, 09:38 PM
Sexyredhead and Lucky

Did you read my post about money on the humor page?

Watch out about money, it can\'t buy you love, ask McCartney.

/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

bivonic
02-13-2003, 10:17 PM
bjf -

This post is for you. Women like taller guys, not just taller then them, but the more attractive the girl is the taller the man they can command, it\'s from experience. Women associate height with alpha-male confidence. Look at KING KONG, he is the king of the Alpha-Male, sure he\'s an ugly huge ass son of a bitch, but you know what? That\'s the macho-ist you can get. I\'ve come across Carmen-Electra-looking-girls that dig the ugly-ass Dennis Rodman\'s in the world & some may say it\'s due to his status/power, but I\'ve seen lowlifes getting laid with these 8-9 rated chicks just because they towered a good 6\" over them. When I say lowlife what I mean is if he was 1 foot shorter instead of being rated an 8-9 by the women, he\'d be rated a 5-6 on looks alone.

I feel bad for a buddy of mine, an Irishman, good build but he\'s like 5\'4\", he\'s so f-ing bumming. Then I know this other guy that\'s like 5\'7\" but he\'s missing half of his fingers on one hand, go figure women freak out when they realize you are a gimp.

GDB shallow-minded Men for focusing on other parts of the female anatomy.

Icemone
02-14-2003, 02:55 AM
Hi Sexyredhead, ?BlackWidowWoman,

I\'ve got the top four on your list ( and all of BWW\'s too /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif
AND while you are reading this
I\'m wearing a tight fitting Black Leather Jacket and I did a LEG workout this morning... LOL

I like your lists and I think there are some qualities that are Universal. Both sexes. For any relationship to be healthy.

Because no matter how physically attractive and no matter how much chemistry you have, you need to
have other things like Honesty and Trust in order for things to last and be REAL.

Icemone
02-14-2003, 03:12 AM
Also about height...I\'m 8\'5\" Oops! I\'m a
bit dyslectic, I\'m 5\'8\" /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

I work out a lot and it shows and your
ATTITUDE and HEART can make people around treat you as if you were 6\'2\" Mones help, also /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

The way you speak, the way you stand, the way you move and think and feel. All project a \"Presence\"

I think it goes back to this-----ask yourself this :

WHAT does being with a Tall Man allow a woman to feel?

SAFE and SPECIAL---to feel like a Woman!!!! so if
you can find all of the OTHER ways
to help make a Woman feel safe and still feel that SPARK /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

Then EVERYTHING you do will become ( as FTR said )
something unique and quirky that she will learn to
love about you.

Lucky
02-14-2003, 06:40 AM
Money was last on my list. What are you saying?

I\'ll have to look up your humor post.

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 07:26 AM
Ooooh, where are you? I\'ll leave in just a minute.;)

I\'m not so sure about the tall theory. I like men taller than me. But then, I\'m 5\'5\", so just about every guy is taller than me. lol
I generally date guys around 5\'10\" to 6\'. Any taller and I feel waist-high--too tall for me.
You\'re right, Icemone. No matter how pretty a man is, if you can\'t hold a conversation with him, he\'ll be boring in less than five minutes. (You can only look at him so long...lol) And if a man can\'t laugh, or can\'t stick to his beliefs and believe in himself, I don\'t think he\'s worth going out with.

bivonic
02-14-2003, 07:35 AM
I know women are somehow programmed to be attracted to men 5\"+ taller then them as SRH just pointed out & it kills me everytime I read it, or see it in a personal add, girls that are 5\'2\" filter out guys that are only 6\'+ I guess it could be a blessing in disguise.

I\'m average height too, 5\'8\" & I end up wearing either hiking boots or some nice shoes with a good not-too-noticable heel on them just to get that extra half an inch or so. I read that men can rest their hand up against a wall or pillar to give off the illusion of being taller or putting their hand in their pocket to look wider (chest). Thank god I have other attributes both physical & otherwise that keep me in the race without having to put on a pair of stilts.

Wolfe
02-14-2003, 07:59 AM
a 9\' heart shows through to most women i think.

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 08:03 AM
Very true. And the guy I like at the moment has a very small build. He\'s 6\', but doesn\'t look that tall, and weighs only about 150 or so. MUCH smaller than guys I usually date. On the other hand, he\'s one of my best friends, and the longer I know him, the more appeal he has.

Wolfe
02-14-2003, 08:06 AM
i\'m 5\'10\"/167# and do ok most times.

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 08:30 AM
You sound normal to me. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif
I think my problem is that the guys I usually date are around 200-220--football players, body builder types. As I get older, though, I find I like them a bit smaller. lol

bjf
02-14-2003, 08:32 AM
I have a 5-5 friend. he is asian. i feel so bad for the guy. over his life, so many women have not wanted to be with him because of his height, and it has crushed his confidence. Ivy league education, probably like a 7.5 face i think. seeing his confidence spiral down is sad. it is very apparent in his mind about women and their height requirements nowadays, when he never used to mind being short. i think the whole thing is downright mean, at least try and look past a flaw and not make it an absolute dealbreaker.

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 08:40 AM
The 5\" taller theory may be true, and maybe it\'s affecting me, but I have to say that I don\'t actively look for taller guys. Height is like looks to me--it\'s a nice bonus, but again, if you can\'t hold a conversation with them, what\'s the point. My dad is 5\'7\", and he doesn\'t seem short to me.
If anything, I tend to overguess a guy\'s height, because most guys are taller than me. The only way I ever know for sure is by asking, and I usually find I\'ve guessed 3-4 inches taller than they actually are.
If your friend has plenty of confidence, he will seem taller, even if he\'s not. And that\'s fact, not just my opinion. Even tall men who have low self esteem seem shorter than they are. It\'s not just how you hold yourself, although that\'s a part of it. It\'s the aura you surround yourself with. If your height (weight, wrinkles, etc) bother you, and you make a big deal about it, then everybody else will too.

franki
02-14-2003, 08:42 AM
Being tall is not everything either. Like SRH referred to earlier, you want to be able to look your partner in the face and not look down the whole time. That is why I would love to have a girl who is 6\' tall. There aren\'t too many of those though and they are usually very popular with the other guys.

Franki /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 08:46 AM
Franki, I wish I could introduce you to a friend of mine\'s sister. The shortest in the family, she\'s 6\', blonde, and so gorgeous it\'s hard to believe she\'s actually got a brain in there somewhere. You need to come over to the States for a while. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

bivonic
02-14-2003, 08:49 AM
pics?

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 08:53 AM
Sorry, darlin\'. She\'s too young for you. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

franki
02-14-2003, 08:54 AM
No doubt, I would love to hop over the ocean and meet young, blonde 6\' women. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Franki

bivonic
02-14-2003, 09:33 AM
Egad too young to see pics? /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Sexyredhead
02-14-2003, 09:43 AM
Nah, she\'s 21. Don\'t have any pics of her, though.

bjf
02-14-2003, 10:04 AM
if she is 21, i\'ll take her

Wolfe
02-14-2003, 10:52 AM
heh, my daughter is gonna need a 6\' 6\" to meet that 6\" over them req /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif she only 15 now. my 21 y/o son is 6\' 4\"

Blackwidow_Woman
02-14-2003, 11:25 AM
I was the tallest in my family out doing my bro by 2 inches im 5;11\" and as for guys that are shorter well i went out with a few and even lived with one for a year that dont matter to me as you can look into there eyes no matter how tall they are.. good thing about shorter men they fit there face right into your clevage. run your hands thru there hair look at there eyes and say here babe this ones for you and put there face right into your boobs,, mmmmmm they really love that, just the right height.... hehehehe!!! Really now it dont matter to me how tall a guy is,,, you would be really surprised what a shorter guy than you can do or how caring he really can be...

Wolfe
02-14-2003, 11:30 AM
Wooo, just about my favorite thing to do, slow dance with a taller woman /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif

Blackwidow_Woman
02-14-2003, 11:33 AM
I like slow dance and soft music and well ummmmm lots other things to... /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

Wolfe
02-14-2003, 11:39 AM
i did say \'just about\' /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Gerund
02-14-2003, 03:32 PM
************************************************** *************
FTR: \"and a dirty mind, a big johnson, and a talented tongue.\"
************************************************** *************

I have the most amazing coincidence to report~~
/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
02-14-2003, 04:02 PM
What, that you\'re my dream come true? But I knew this, Valentine. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Gerund
02-14-2003, 04:21 PM
/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif