02-05-2003, 02:40 AM
Men and women! They go together like a horse and carriage, or like gasoline and fire! Here are some jokes guaranteed not to improve any relationship!

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?

A. None! It should be opened by the time she brings it!

Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A. Because a woman who can\'t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you!

Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?

A. It\'s one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink!

Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something really smart?

A. When she begins a sentence with, \"A man once told me!\"

Q. How do you fix a woman\'s watch?

A. You don\'t! There\'s a clock on the oven!

Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?

A. The dog, of course! He\'ll shut up once you let him in!

Q. What\'s worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A. A woman who won\'t do what she\'s told!

Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

A. Divorced!

Q. What food has been discovered to diminish a woman\'s sex drive by 90%?

A. Wedding cake!

Q. Why do men die before their wives?

A. They want to!

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

A. Marry her!

Q. How do you turn a stallion into a pig?

A. Marry him!

Q. What do you call a man with a car on his head?

A. Jack!

Q. What do you call a man hanging on the wall?

A. Art!

Q. Why do they call it P.M.S.?

A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

Q. Why do men whistle while sitting on the toilet?

A. Because it helps them to remember which end to wipe!

Q. What is the difference between Mike Tyson and a rabid pit bull?

A. You can reason with the pit bull!

Q. What are the 3 fastest means of communication?

A. Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman!

Q. Why are married men fatter than single men?

A. Single men come home, see what is in the fridge and go to bed. Married men come home, see what\'s in the bed and go to the fridge!

Q. If a woman was hit by a motorcyclist, whose fault would it be?

A. The motorcyclist, of course! He should never have been riding his bike in the kitchen!

Q. What\'s the difference between teachers and wives?

A. Teachers tend to get a little behind at work. Wives get a big behind at home!

Q. How did the science teacher determine if his classroom\'s skull was from a male or female skeleton?

A. If the jawbone is wore down, it\'s definately a female!