Translation needed...

[Sexyredhead]

Since y\'all are so good about translating behavior, I need a third (or more) opinion on a guy, because none of us here can figure it out. I\'d really appreciate an honest opinion, because frankly, I\'m clueless about a guy\'s interest unless he either asks me out or just grabs me and kisses me.
Ok, the guy is a good friend. I\'ve known him for about a year, but we\'ve gotten to be much better friends since the end of last summer. And over the last few months, I\'ve gotten interested in him as more than a friend, but I can\'t tell what\'s going on with him. I haven\'t thought to look to see whether his pupils are dilated when we talk, but it\'s nothing for us to talk for hours, or just lay around and watch football and not talk at all. He\'s up for any opportunity for me to touch him, whether tickling, playing with his hair, etc. He\'s generally pretty considerate with me, opening doors, giving me the best chair, etc, but then again, he\'s a gentlemen in general, and I really don\'t know how often he does that with other girls. He\'s been invited to parties because girls wanted to meet him, but he does stuff with me and my friends instead. He rarely calls--in fact, I usually call him, but he\'ll talk till his cell dies if I call him, or will usually go do whatever I invite him too. (And it\'s not that he just doesn\'t call ME often. He usually doesn\'t call anybody.) Otherwise he doesn\'t go out much. If we\'re hanging out with friends and having a conversation as a group, I often catch him looking at me, and when I do, he gives me a really warm smile, no matter what we\'re talking about. Then again, he\'s pretty good about looking everybody in the eye during a conversation, but I\'m the only one he smiles at. He got me one of my favorite cd\'s for Christmas, along with some blanks, knowing I\'d lost my old one and refused to buy another. It was pretty hard for him to find too. He didn\'t get any of our other friends anything.
I went down to his house on the coast last weekend with another friend of ours, and he spent the evening talking mostly to me, and showing me soccer pics and pics of all his good friends from down there, so I would know who everybody is. He would hand the photo album directly to me, not really bothering to show our other friend. He tells me every story he can think of that makes him look good. He really seems to love my approval of things he does. He ducks his head and smiles if I tell him he\'s looking good, or agree with some comment he\'s made about himself. (I don\'t lie to him, but if I agree, I agree--and the guy is eye candy.) When we flop on the couch, it doesn\'t bother him to flop half-way on me, and he loves to tease me or try to scare me. On the other hand, he doesn\'t jump on me like he does a friend of ours who jumps on everything that moves. (She loves to be the center of attention.) He almost seems to be trying to be careful with me.
He hasn\'t dated many girls. I haven\'t known him when he has a girlfriend, either, so I really can\'t tell you how he behaves. I will tell you he\'s very old-fashioned. No-sex-til-marriage kind of old-fashioned. And me, well, I\'m not virgin, so I wonder if this intimidates him. Also, when I flirt, I\'m pretty subtle, but I believe the entire world knows I like the guy. I just don\'t know if he thinks of me as a good friend and is just enjoying the attention, or he interested in me too. *groan of frustration*
Both of our other friends think we would make a great match, because we\'re alike in a lot of ways. We just can\'t tell what\'s going on in his head.

Sorry this is long. Please give me your honest opinion on this. I\'m getting tired of trying to figure it out, and maybe someone who\'s not in it all the time can see it better than I can.

[belgareth]

Sounds like it would be worth following up a little. He\'s probably interested in you but isn\'t sure how you feel about it.

[upsidedown]

I think the guy is crazy about you, but he\'s just too shy to make the first move. He\'s probably afraid if he tries to take things a step further that you\'ll not share his interest and he\'ll ruin what you have now.

Just kiss the guy and see if that doesn\'t get things in gear. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

Anybody else have an opinion?

[Sexyredhead]

I might add the guy is almost 4 years younger than me. It doesn\'t seem to bother him as much as it does me though. I\'ve never dated a guy that much younger.

[belgareth]

You like him? The age difference does not bother him? The only problem is what you percieve to be a problem. Age is not the issue, maturity is. Is he mature enough that you two get along? Sounds like it from your post. If he is, forget about age.

[bivonic]

Do you wear \'mones around him? Does it change his behavior? Sounds like you got a real good shot with him. Sounds like you two are like best friends does he ever see you with other guys? Does he get jealous? You probably don\'t want to be \"just friends\" with this guy for the rest of your life, so I think it couldn\'t hurt to try & spice things up. Next time you are on the couch together start using those hands of yours, turn him on, just cause he is a virgin doesn\'t mean he can\'t get turned on. Feel his biceps & say my what strong arms you have, feel his chest & be like my what strong biceps you have, start rubbing his leg & see if you can get him to pop a tent, I\'m not saying jump his bones, just give him some direct signals, starting slow & building up & pay close attention to how he responds, see if he gives you that warm smile or if he feels uncomfortable. If he feels uncomfortable it does not necessarily mean he\'s not into you, he may just be reacting to the fact that some men like to be the hunter rather then the prey. Keep us posted.

[belgareth]

Or to be a little more subtle, ask for a shoulder rub while sitting on the floor or between his legs in a chair. Then slowly lean back into him, he almost has to put his arms around you. Follow that up with nuzzling his neck. If that doesn\'t get his attention, have him pronounced dead.

[Sexyredhead]

It doesn\'t bother me when I\'m with him anymore. He teases me about my age as much as I tease him about his. I got defensive about it once, since I\'m not used to being the oldest in a group by more than a few years, and he told me I was too touchy about it. I just wonder if that could be one of the reasons he\'s not doing anything.
Yes, he\'s mature enough to get along with me. Sometimes more mature than me, I\'d say. He graduated in December and moved back down to the coast, so I don\'t see him everyday anymore. I\'m off to Mobile with our two friends next weekend for a conference though, and he\'s coming to stay with us while we\'re there. I\'ll take my -mones and be extra flirty and see what he does.
Think I should call him this weekend and work the conversation around to whether I\'m interested in him or not?

[upsidedown]

The age difference of 4 years will become less of an issue the older you get. It may seem like a big difference now...in 20 years it will mean nothing.

[belgareth]

No, I don\'t think you should bring up how you feel on the phone. You can\'t see his face or his body language. You could easily fumble it badly. Do it in person. You could tell him how much you are looking forward to seeing him or that you\'ve missed him.

Before you do anything though, go back and read that recent thread about long distance relationships. They can be difficult under hte best of conditions.

[Sexyredhead]

Nope, haven\'t seen him since I started wearing -mones. I\'ll wear \'em when I see him next though. And yes, he sees me with lots of guys, although a lot of times he\'s with us. A good number of my friends are male. I\'m in agriculture, so it would be hard for him not to see me with other guys.lol On the other hand, he knows how picky I am and that I\'m not interested in any of them. I go out with a lot of guys, but I don\'t date any of them. Just not interested.
Another problem is I\'m one of those girls who doesn\'t chase guys. Maybe it\'s just me, but I don\'t think a guy really appreciates a girl unless he works a bit to catch her. Not meaning I expect him to spend all kinds of money on me, just that I think he\'s got to work up the guts to make a move that gets my attention and keeps it.
And no, I don\'t want to be just good friends with him forever. I may have to make the first move and see what happens, although that\'s not my preference.

[Sexyredhead]

True, I feel weird about bringing that kind of thing up on the phone.
He knows I miss him. I\'ve told him before, and he just says his usual smartass crack, \"Awww, you\'re just saying that.\"

He\'s not really that far. About 4 hours. His parents live on the coast, but the rest of his family lives about an hour from here, and he\'s been coming up to visit whenever he\'s in the area, or \'just because\' for a few days. He always stays with me when he comes up, usually because I\'m the only one with an extra bedroom.
He\'s been taking his sweet time about finding a job, though.
Almost like he\'s waiting on something, but he won\'t say what, just that he\'s lazy. He\'s a procrastinater, but he\'s usually pretty on the gun about important things like work. I\'m supposed to graduate in May, and he\'s asked me more than once what I want to do when I get out. Don\'t know if he\'s waiting to see what I do or where I go, or what.

[bivonic]

Regarding making the 1st move.

Reread my post & what ever you do, don\'t be the one to kiss him, I suggest you grease his engine, give it a little priming so he can get it out of first gear.

[belgareth]

If you feel strongly, encourage him. From your posts, I believe he is interested but does not want to harm the friendship or inhibit future posibilities by making a move. He sees you with other guys but it\'s a no touch situation, he may believe it is the same with him.

You need to subtly let him know that your interest is more than just friendship. Give him some green lights. But, do it in person.

If you do start a romance, are you planning to stay in the area? Move closer to him? Move further away? You might want to think it through before taking any actions.

[Sexyredhead]

I\'ve been in a long distance relationship before for about a year, then I transferred schools to be with the guy I was dating. Problem with not seeing him often was I got used to him not being around. Not that I cheated or even wanted to, but even with all the phone calls, we weren\'t near enough to spark off each other like we should have been.
Still, I don\'t have much longer in school, and he\'s taking his sweet time finding a job, mostly doing daily stuff to help people build houses and make money. We pretty much want to live in the same kind of place, and I\'ve moved around enough that it wouldn\'t bother me to move off somewhere else. I\'m in a tiny little town right now, so no, I don\'t want to stay here. And yes, for him I would relocate if we were in a relationship.

Any suggestions on these \'green lights\' I should give him? I know I sound dense, but I\'ve really never had to do this before with a guy.

[belgareth]

Go back and read bivonic\'s and my posts for some suggestions on green lights. I suggest being subtle but you may find you need to hit him in the head to get his attention first. Us males can be pretty obtuse at times.

If he is really convinced that you only want a friendship, you might have to get a couple glasses of wine into him first to loosen him up a bit.

Hey, Red and Elana! How would you do it? Help us out here, we need your expert opinions. I know what it would take with me but I am a bit unusual in how I deal with women.

[bivonic]

Us men like it when you rub your breasts against us, and when you get turned on doing it be sure to give out a little moan. Oh yeah & don\'t wear a bra, we like to see when you are aroused under the shirt, there\'s a few green lights for you.

[Sexyredhead]

Ahhh, extremely subtle. Thanks so much bivonic. lol

[bivonic]

Think of animals in the jungle, a lot of times the female needs to show her true colors so the males know what\'s she\'s looking for, humans are no different, but we do have a consciousness which causes us to overthink sometimes. Trust me if he has feelings for you like we all suspect he does, he won\'t be turned off or think you are a slut. If the aforementioned post doesn\'t get through to him, tell him you have something stuck in your hair, get a chair tell him to stand on it to look for it, while he\'s running his fingers through your hair grab his ass & start massaging his crotch with your breasts....ok I got a little carried away on that one...you\'d better listen to FTR & Elana.

[Sexyredhead]

You make me laugh, b. Thanks for politely telling me to quit overanalyzing. I could very easily imagine doing any of those things and more to him, with very little encouragement. Just need to get him to give me the encouragement. The virgin thing just makes me want to corrupt him sometimes, but I respect it too. I think he sometimes avoids anything overtly sexual. Then again, if you were a 23-year-old virgin with no hope of sex till marriage, wouldn\'t you do your best not to think about it? I certainly would. Then again, I\'d probably have gone blind ages ago.... lol

[Elana]

Isn\'t the virgin issue going to be a huge issue if the two of you were to become more than friends? Would you really be willing and able to abstain as long as you were both together?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I think he\'s gay.

[Sexyredhead]

Honestly, I think it would be really tough, especially for me, since I know what I\'m missing out on. On the other hand, it\'s something that\'s important to him, and I\'d just have to find a way to deal with it. I\'m not really quick to have sex with a guy anyway, and I\'ve only slept with two. I\'ve also found that sex can make a relationship way too serious way too fast.
There are guys that deal with it for girls they\'re with. I\'d be in the same situation, just playing the other side of it. Many cold showers and battery stock-ups, probably. lol

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Honey, you asked for the truth, so ... are you crazy? Keep him as a friend and find a guy who\'s got some oomph.

[Sexyredhead]

Oh no, he\'s so very NOT gay. lol Just a good church boy. Don\'t see them often except in the deep South anymore. Believe it or not, there are quite a few down here. I haven\'t lived in the South for years though, so it was a bit of a surprise to come back to it.

[Elana]

That sounds reasonable. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif I could never do it, but it seems as though you really want this to work and would be willing to make a huge sacrifice.

[Sexyredhead]

What sounds reasonable?

[Elana]

Sorry...I just added more

[**DONOTDELETE**]

That\'s funny. Some comedian had a line like that: \"I\'m not gay! I\'m Southern!\" Whew, well, if you think you could handle it. And of course I\'m behind you no matter what you do.

[Elana]

I agree with some of the other posts. You should do some serious flirting. Maybe not what Bivonic suggested /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif but let him know that you find him attractive

[Sexyredhead]

Who knows. He\'s a great guy, one of my best friends, and I wouldn\'t be dating him just for his cock.
Actually, I find it kind of sweet. Living it, on the other hand, might be a bit more frustrating. lol
FTR, I know you think I\'m crazy, but ya never know. He may not be interested in me anyway and all this speculation will be for nothing.

[Elana]

<and I wouldn\'t be dating him just for his cock.>

That tends to be my problem /ubbthreads/images/icons/blush.gif j/k

[**DONOTDELETE**]

No, I don\'t think you\'re crazy at all. It must be great to even have someone to fantasize as complete a relationship as you could maybe have with this guy, as well as you two get along and as much true affection as there is between you. The only thing I want to say is this, and don\'t be mad, ok, \'cause I\'m just playing devil\'s advocate a little - don\'t denigrate the physical. It may be \"just\" sex and we\'re supposed to have better values than that, etc. But ... you go without sex long enough or stay sexually frustrated long enough, and what was \"just\" sex becomes a real source of pain between too people. I\'m just looking down the road a little. If you like sex and you need sex, best not to hook up with someone who thinks it\'s dirty and isn\'t into it. Maybe he\'s not like that. I\'m just wary of those church boys. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[bivonic]

damn those church boys stealing all of my poontang.

[Sexyredhead]

Major flirting I will do. Actually, my friend Clay called this afternoon (he knows I like this friend of ours) and told me that I actually flirt more shamelessly with Clay than I do with the guy I like. Then again, Clay is 20 and he knows I consider sex with him child abuse--ain\'t never gonna happen. I\'ll just have to switch that around a bit next weekend. Who knows, if I treat him like I treat Clay he may get scared off! lol

[Wolfe]

think i\'ll toss in my 2¢ worth here, now ladies lets be equal, in a thread a guy asked this type advice he got told to leave her as a friend as friends are hella lot harder to find than lovers..:)
and doing this COULD mess up that friendship..willing to risk that?

Two sides to every coin, you take the head ,,i\'ll take the tail
[i] wolfe

[Elana]

Didn\'t you say that the friends of the guy you like, know that you like him? If that is true, I would think that they would have told him you were interested.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Elana - you mean there\'s another reason??

[Elana]

True-That may be something to consider

[Wolfe]

absolutely, one of the very best friends i ever had( a 8 yr relationship) i blew by ending up asking it to go to anothr level and if i could take it back i would have. but once it\'s out, theres no going back,,,ever /ubbthreads/images/icons/frown.gif
cost me my best friend too

[Sexyredhead]

He doesn\'t think it\'s dirty. Can\'t wait till he\'s married, actually. Anytime any one of us brings up something we like and tell him to remember it, he just tells us to remind him again when he gets married.
Example, a Columbian friend of mine discovered Redi-whip at my house last fall. (I feel sorry for all those Columbians who don\'t know about spray whip cream! lol) He really liked it, and when I explained it can be very fun to use it during sex, he turned red and left soon after I told him you could get it at any grocery store. I think he went through 4 cans that week, and he now thinks of me as a sexual genius. At a party at my house a week or so later, he told the guy I like about it, and I told the guy he needed to try it. He said we needed to stock him up for his wedding night, and he\'d definitely put it to good use, with a big smile on his face.

I know it might get to be a big thing, but first I need to be dating the guy. I don\'t know how I would handle it--we\'ll have to see.

Thanks for the concern though. I really appreciate hearing honest opinions from y\'all.

[Sexyredhead]

Yeah, that\'s where it\'s touchy. If he\'s not interested, I\'d rather keep him as a friend than as nothing. That\'s why I don\'t want to do anything extreme.

[Sexyredhead]

Here\'s the deal on that one. I tried that. Our girl friend doesn\'t talk to him nearly as much as I do, and she says she always too chicken to bring it up when I\'m not around. She told Clay to ask him, and Clay doesn\'t want to get into it--says it\'s very high school to send third parties to find out that kind of thing. On the other hand, these two think we ought to go out.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Gimme his phone number. We\'ll settle this sh!t right now. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

Nice to have friends, isn\'t it? Jeez, you\'d think putting a bug in his ear wouldn\'t be too much to ask.

[Sexyredhead]

I KNOW!!!! And I can\'t really ask anybody else, because it\'d be an out-of-the-blue phone call about whether he\'s interested in me, and ain\'t that a bit obvious? See why I\'m so darned frustrated? lol

[Sexyredhead]

You know, I think I\'m going to give a different friend of mine a call. It would be an out-of-the-blue call, but then, she\'s known to give out-of-the-blue calls, and she\'s nosey as all get out. And SHE would do it for me.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Be nice if SOMEBODY in the game was being a bit obvious, shoot. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Lucky]

Sexy Red,
My money says he\'s shy and in love with you. The stuff you can do with that kind.....mold them into anything you want, anything at all.

[Sexyredhead]

I certainly hope so, Lucky. Gonna go make a phone call. Watch, neither of them will be home. lol

[Wolfe]

ya know, ya might try to go around it in a way. maybe by asking him what he thinks about a woman that cares alot for a man thats her friend but she\'s unsure how he feels and so forth so on /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif..ask him HIS opinion of what she might do /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Lucky]

Bivonic,
Why shouldn\'t she be the one to kiss him? What do you think that would that do?

[Sexyredhead]

Called the friend. She\'s got company for the weekend, but she said she\'d call him tomorrow after they leave.
I might get around to trying that. However, knowing Ryan, he\'d have me figured out in a second and a half flat.lol

[Wolfe]

if he did figure you out i\'d say it\'s cause he feels same way and it\'s time the two of you hooked up /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Sexyredhead]

Morning, everybody.
I got a private post from someone this morning suggesting I send a message to his phone (or maybe email) saying something along the lines of:
\"I really like you...a lot. Would this keep us from still being friends? I truly value our friendship and don\'t want to screw it up.\"
It actually sounds like a good idea, and gives him time to think about what he wants to say without me looking at him while he does it. And if he hasn\'t thought about it at all, it also gives him a chance to wait and think before he responds to it.

Sound like a good plan?

[Elana]

< Would this keep us from still being friends? >

Possibly. If he doesn\'t feel the same way, it might make him uncomfortable. I don\'t think you should be so vocally direct. You are safer to be a bit more physical IMHO

[Elana]

Please, please don\'t take this the wrong way, but nobody here knows how he really feels. People are telling you that is probably in love with you along with other speculations. He very well could be, but let\'s not assume anything. I really think you are safer putting on the heavy flirting. You will be able to read his body language. You will be able to tell clearly if he is interested, and you won\'t be putting yourself or him in an awkward situation.

[Sexyredhead]

I realize that. I have a feeling I\'m might be put in the \"sister/best friend\" category. It\'s just so hard to tell with him. Lots of mixed signals, and I understand y\'all are only hearing my side of it.
I think I\'ll have my friend call him this afternoon and kind of put the idea out on the table. She got married last year and has been trying to fix up the world ever since. If he\'s not interested, I think he would tell her. If he is interested, he may very well not say much at all. Then he\'ll have a week to think on it, and I\'ll wear my -nol/PCC combo this weekend, flirt shamelessly, and see how that effects him. Sound like a plan?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

There ya go. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Elana]

Now that sounds like a plan /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Sexyredhead]

Thanks to all of y\'all for your help.:) It\'s much appreciated.

[Wolfe]

theres always a risk one will have in this,,never forget..
ask 100 differant ppl the same question
you\'ll get 100 differant answers
in the end you have to follow your own heart in a matter like this,
Sometimes you win..
sometimes you lose.
life is always a gamble.

[franki]

That is $1 for the \"lame phrases\" piggy-bank. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

[Wolfe]

maybe lame but true..like it or not

[Sexyredhead]

It\'s very true, and I realize that. On the other hand, I can test the waters a bit and see how he reacts to it. I\'ll let y\'all know.

Thanks for the words of caution. Still keep thinking if I do this, he\'ll say we\'re just friends. I really need to find out one way or another, though, you know?

[upsidedown]

Well, I\'d suggest that you give him a chance to be exposed to your pheromones before you make any sort of move. Give them a chance to give whatever little edge they produce, and then make whatever moves you decide to try . Good luck.