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View Full Version : REALITY CHECK(S)



seadove
01-16-2003, 01:16 AM
You guys seem to laugh at the least expected funny jokes of mine.I might have to pay you to laugh at this one :

1. Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything.
2. Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you\'ve been in it for a while...it isn\'t so hot.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, \"Well, that\'s not going to happen.\"
4. If you\'re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can\'t tell who the sucker is, it\'s you.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
6. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
7. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8. You know when you\'re sitting on a chair, and you lean back so you\'re just on two legs, then you lean too far and you almost fall over, but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
9. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they\'re a bunch of liars.
10. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
11. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
12. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
13. I\'m not 40-something. I\'m $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
14. In the 60\'s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
15. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close >resemblance to the first.
16. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will >instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which >states that this has already happened.
17. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
18. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, \"I wish you\'d come to me sooner.\"
19. You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people >are all over you. Let\'s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.


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**DONOTDELETE**
01-16-2003, 08:09 AM
I love these. Several made me laugh out loud -- 1, 3, 9, 10 in particular.

Bruce
01-16-2003, 10:44 AM
I like them too. There are a few culls in there, but most are good and a couple of them really cracked me up. It\'s really true about the LSD and Prosac thing isn\'t it? When I was a kid, everybody was happy but just a little bored, so we were all thinking of ways to Jazz up our reality. Now everybody is freaked out and trying to think of ways to get their feet nailed back down to the ground.
Bruce

seadove
01-16-2003, 09:58 PM
FTR and BRUCE

You\'re not gonna ask me to pay you for laughing are you?

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**DONOTDELETE**
01-16-2003, 10:49 PM
No, that\'s ok, Seadove. I got my check last week, thanks.

seadove
01-16-2003, 10:59 PM
FTR
What I meant was what I see as hilarious always gets the least attention.Like that joke about Yodling

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**DONOTDELETE**
01-16-2003, 11:21 PM
Ok, you might have to pay me to laugh at that one. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

seadove
01-16-2003, 11:30 PM
See the differences of opinion?And this is not only with you.I may have a stupid sense of humour.

But I have my looks and my poetry to protect me./ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
01-16-2003, 11:41 PM
Are you a rock? Are you an island?

belgareth
01-17-2003, 05:26 AM
That was funny, but much funnier if told out loud rather than read.