bivonic
01-13-2003, 09:23 AM
I\'ll try to keep this simple (got kind of long sorry). This girl I\'m pursuing, \"Sally\" who\'s a waitress & has a boyfriend. I have been getting a lot of positive signals (body language, voice intonation, eye contact) for the past few weeks. Last time I saw her was Friday night, she told me she was going to PA to pickup her new car on Saturday (I assume with her boyfriend, didn\'t think it would help my cause to ask - I think the less she brings it up the better my chances are - turns out on Sunday I ran into her roommate who also works there & she volunteered information to me that she did not come home last night). So I started talking to other girls, Sally starts staring at me w/o looking away as I\'m talking to these other girls. So I approached Sally & jokingly with a smile on my face I say to her, \"You know you\'re not making it easy for me to talk to other girls.\" Maybe not the smoothest thing to say but I was looking to get a reaction from her, her response is, \"Huh?\" so I just say nevermind & walk away.
Next I start talking to these other girls at the other end of the bar, I turn around & she is standing practically right behind me, next to the bouncer (a friend of mine) & her arms are crossed & she is staring at me. I can tell she is really steaming at this point. So I approach her & say Sally, what\'s wrong. No response. So I say again, \"c\'mon what\'s the matter?\" Her response, \"Why the hell should I tell you?\" From what I\'ve learned when she gets this worked up my best plan of action is to just leave her alone & just take off - Question 1 - what should I do in this situation? Is this the best approach? There\'s no talking to her when she gets this way.
So I get my coat & ask her for my check. She gives me my check & says, \"Why are you leaving?!?\" I had been honest in the past & it has backfired just angering her more. So I said I was sensitive, her response, \"What are you going to cry Boohoohoo?\" - she is still angry because she is practically yelling this at me. I just look at her & tell her \"I\'m going to this other bar\" then I turn my head away & say, \"there\'s nothing here for me.\" I think she realizes what a b!tch she is coming across as & then she has this real sad look on her face & she tells me to stay. I didn\'t want to be her shadow the rest of the night so I said, \"Nah I need to take off.\" Was this the right move?
Before I take off I put my cash in the check wallet & wait for her, no sign of her, so I figured she was sitting in the other room. I find her, sit down next to her & I said, \"I wondered where you went.\" She said,\"I told you I was going to be here.\" so I just replied, \"Oh well I\'ve had a few drinks & I must not have heard you.\" I started asking her about her new car & she would give me one word answers so I knew it was time to take off. I really couldn\'t get into a deep conversation as all the other waitresses were cashing out at this point right near us & anything I would say would just be gossip fodder for the next week. So I asked her if she was working on Sunday & (I think) she said no, I\'ll be in Penn. This further made me believe she was going with her boyfriend for the weekend, which upset me a little but I didn\'t let it show, so I said \"Okay I guess I\'ll see you in a week or so\" & said goodnight to the other girls (waitresses) before I left, just in a common \"see you guys later\" kind of way.
FWIW - I know she likes to snowboard & I have a share in a ski house upstate & asked her to come up, her response was a sincere \"Thanks \'bivonic\'\", she has given me this type of response in the past & then never followed through. I don\'t think it\'s a good first step to have her go away for a weekend with me anyhow, so I\'m not going to push it. I really like this girl & based on her strong jealous actions I think there is something there, but this boyfriend thing isn\'t making things easy on me. If I confront her directly & make her choose, I\'m certain she\'ll choose him over me because she\'s been dating him for a while. I guess my best bet is to ask out for a cup of coffee on an evening when she is not working & just get an opportunity for a 1-on-1 outside of her work environment, I figure the less romantic setting to start the better. Advice? (FTR don\'t say kiss her /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif at least not while she is working, doesn\'t seem like the best place for that, a bouncer that doesn\'t know me personally sees me doing that & he\'ll throw my ass out)
Next I start talking to these other girls at the other end of the bar, I turn around & she is standing practically right behind me, next to the bouncer (a friend of mine) & her arms are crossed & she is staring at me. I can tell she is really steaming at this point. So I approach her & say Sally, what\'s wrong. No response. So I say again, \"c\'mon what\'s the matter?\" Her response, \"Why the hell should I tell you?\" From what I\'ve learned when she gets this worked up my best plan of action is to just leave her alone & just take off - Question 1 - what should I do in this situation? Is this the best approach? There\'s no talking to her when she gets this way.
So I get my coat & ask her for my check. She gives me my check & says, \"Why are you leaving?!?\" I had been honest in the past & it has backfired just angering her more. So I said I was sensitive, her response, \"What are you going to cry Boohoohoo?\" - she is still angry because she is practically yelling this at me. I just look at her & tell her \"I\'m going to this other bar\" then I turn my head away & say, \"there\'s nothing here for me.\" I think she realizes what a b!tch she is coming across as & then she has this real sad look on her face & she tells me to stay. I didn\'t want to be her shadow the rest of the night so I said, \"Nah I need to take off.\" Was this the right move?
Before I take off I put my cash in the check wallet & wait for her, no sign of her, so I figured she was sitting in the other room. I find her, sit down next to her & I said, \"I wondered where you went.\" She said,\"I told you I was going to be here.\" so I just replied, \"Oh well I\'ve had a few drinks & I must not have heard you.\" I started asking her about her new car & she would give me one word answers so I knew it was time to take off. I really couldn\'t get into a deep conversation as all the other waitresses were cashing out at this point right near us & anything I would say would just be gossip fodder for the next week. So I asked her if she was working on Sunday & (I think) she said no, I\'ll be in Penn. This further made me believe she was going with her boyfriend for the weekend, which upset me a little but I didn\'t let it show, so I said \"Okay I guess I\'ll see you in a week or so\" & said goodnight to the other girls (waitresses) before I left, just in a common \"see you guys later\" kind of way.
FWIW - I know she likes to snowboard & I have a share in a ski house upstate & asked her to come up, her response was a sincere \"Thanks \'bivonic\'\", she has given me this type of response in the past & then never followed through. I don\'t think it\'s a good first step to have her go away for a weekend with me anyhow, so I\'m not going to push it. I really like this girl & based on her strong jealous actions I think there is something there, but this boyfriend thing isn\'t making things easy on me. If I confront her directly & make her choose, I\'m certain she\'ll choose him over me because she\'s been dating him for a while. I guess my best bet is to ask out for a cup of coffee on an evening when she is not working & just get an opportunity for a 1-on-1 outside of her work environment, I figure the less romantic setting to start the better. Advice? (FTR don\'t say kiss her /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif at least not while she is working, doesn\'t seem like the best place for that, a bouncer that doesn\'t know me personally sees me doing that & he\'ll throw my ass out)