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View Full Version : At last, all becomes clear!



CptKipling
12-29-2002, 05:26 PM
(take special note of the phero reference!)

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard
night drinking and thought \'How on earth did I get home?\'
As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return
journey from the pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and
leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has
acquired a large batch of these magical devices.
The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:-
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the \"slurring
gland\" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in
their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal.
This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the
passenger\'s in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second
question after a night out \'How did I spend so much money?\'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all
UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
Trans Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for. This answers a third question after a night out
\'What the hell happened?\'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT
Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically
removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person\'s REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of
another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter\'s navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.......Another question answered!!
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people\'s garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how
quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other
half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall
in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)
explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System).
This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don\'t forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a
skimpy top!