Interracial Dating

[krtel]

I have a question for everyone here: What are your thoughts on interracial dating? Is it something you\'d ever do or consider doing? How would it be any different than dating someone of the same ethnicity other than color? I\'ve been told that interracial relationships don\'t work out - so I decided to ask for some feedback from experienced people (you all.). Anyways, please fill me in with your opinion.

- Krish

[franki]

I think that it would be good to find someone different than yourself from a biological point of view to find a friend from a different ethnicity. I mean it is natural to find someone different from yourself, to keep our species diverse. On the other hand, there are also a view problems with these kind of relationships.

I am a bit drunk, does that make sense or not??? /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

What ethnicity are you??

Franki /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[trejoe]

I think its good I am trying to get with a girl that is phillipno/Black and Im hispanic/black and we get along great. I think if u really like somebody you wont care what color that person is or what their ethnic background is so I say if u get the chance go for it.

[krtel]

I\'m Asian, specifically Indian. However, I was born in the states. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

- Krish

[franki]

So what kind of women do you like to date? White, black, hispanic, indian?

Franki /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[krtel]

All of them! lol.

- Krish

[seadove]

I think this question should not arise at all.You don\'t decide what race a woman belongs to , and then date her, like choosing the right lobster in an aquarium at a sea food market.
You like the woman?approach her and ask her out.
Racism must be be extinguished from our fundamental day to day decisions.

[MOBLEYC57]

Krtel - Everything works out with TWO willing people. There are those that can\'t handle society\'s view on that subject, and there are those that can. Ignorant people plant ignorant seeds...some make it, some don\'t. Look around....it\'s everywhere! Time is changing, and so are the kids. It\'s the kids that are going to wipe out their parents ignorant seeds. Sure....some seeds will make it through and carry on that ugly burden, but they\'re dying out. Like everything else in life.....it\'s all mental. It takes a strong mind not to give a f*uck what society thinks. That\'s where you\'d find a Mobley! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Tater!!!

P.S. You\'ve jumped on a touchy subject....You may cause some to throw up, but they\'ll get over it, I\'m sure. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif There are those that are not going to answer truthfully, but you know how that goes.

[seadove]

Oh my gosh Mobley
Sometimes you\'re a poet.

[Elana]

I dated a black man in college. Today he is one of the most popular professional football players. coincidence? I think not /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif IMHO it\'s a non issue.

[belgareth]

Krtel:

My older sister and I both chose to go into interracial marriages. My sister\'s husband of more than 30 years is Japanese and one of the finest people you could ask to know. Their children are very attractive, having gotten the best of both the Japanese and Anglo races. They also got the strong tradition of education and family that comes with the Japanese culture.

My wife of 14 years is Haitian and IMHO is a wonderful person and quite pretty. After my first marraige fell apart, I dated a number of black and Asian women and never regretted it. You get stares in public and there can be some animosity from family on both sides. But if you really care about each other, it can be made to work out.

The amount of melanin in a person\'s skin should, other than esthetics, be the least of your considerations. The person\'s qualities as a human being and mutual attraction/interests should be your concerns. You\'ll hit a few bumps in the road but that\'s true of any relationship. Just resolve to deal with them in a civilized manner when they come up and you shouldn do fine.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Well, I hear a lot of \"shoulds\" ... and I\'m as idealistic as anybody, but I was in an interracial marriage for 8 years, and my opinion is that if you can avoid it, do. Not because there\'s anything wrong with it in any way -- but because it can make your life hard, and life\'s hard enough without the extra aggravation.

[Wolfe]

wish i knew what to say here, i have no probs with it personally, BUT, I am the product of a mixed race marriage( though not as most think of them), my dad was a full blood apache, mom a german/irish, growing up i had to live with grandparents on the white mountain reservation for awhile, now the prob was, the indian kids loved to pick on me as i was a \'white boy\', i go to school in town and the white kids would pick on me as a \'indian\'..made me mean as hell too. now with that said..i\'ve never let ANYONE tell me what or how i should do things in life..You do what makes YOU BOTH happy and the rest can take a flying leap off the grand canyon. If YOU cant be happy with what or who your with it will never work out. If you can..then the two of you will find a way(just make sure your kids have your support l8r on if they need help dealing with it)

[belgareth]

FTR:

Ever see a relationship that didn\'t have bumps? Of course there are a lot of shoulds and should not\'s. What relationship is without them? Are you saying that the problems you had were the result of racial differences? Or that the differences were a contributing factor?

My first marraige was not interracial and was a disaster, we were both hurt in it. My current marraige is interracial and has far more good in it than bad (no relationship is perfect). All I am saying is that race is not the issue, personality is. Wolfe is right; do what make you happy, not what others expect of you. And always be there to support your spouse and offspring, no matter what their racial make up. Don\'t go into it blind, know that there will be issues to resolve.

This thread is little different from the ones about ethics and how you treat others. Do you really care that some clown thinks you should act differently than you do? You behave in the manner you think is right, regardless of somebody else\'s opinion, right?

This world is far to small and life far to short to allow something as ridiculous as race interfere with being happy.

[MOBLEYC57]

\"All I am saying is that race is not the issue, personality is.\" = MIND OVER MATTER = It\'s ALL mental. Society makes people sweat in certain areas, and this is one of them.

\"Wolfe is right; do what make you happy, not what others expect of you.\"

You\'d be suprise at how many people can\'t do that, and often worry about what others think. Amazing!!!

\"This world is far to small and life far to short to allow something as ridiculous as race interfere with being happy.\"

Should the world listen to you....would be a much better place to live, and with one less UGLY burden to pass to the kids. You\'d think that parents would love their kids enough to think, \"This world is ruff enough....trying to survive....why give my child, someone that I love, an extra burden to carry.\" But it\'s not that way. And such is life! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Tater!!!

[belgareth]

All I can do is continue to stand on my soap box and shout.

No, actually I would not be surprised. The desire to fit in and be accepted is one of the strongest urges of the human animal. We have many traits that are common to herd animals.My contention is that we have the intellect to overcome our instincts, many of which are now counter-survival.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I meant \"shoulds\" as in \"race SHOULD not matter,\" etc. I agree completely. It should not. But it does. And I repeat to the person asking advice regarding interracial relationships, in my experience, they make your life hard. Avoid them if you can.

Your mileage may vary, as they say, and Belgareth and others, I\'m glad your experience was more positive. Belgareth and Mobley, both of you have stronger personalities than mine. What I want most in the world is to be left in peace. I think the two of you, to some extent, thrive on notariety. If you\'ve got the stomach for it, fine -- but many of us don\'t, over the long haul.

Mixed race marriage carries its own bag of troubles and is not for the faint of heart, and the outside pressures are insidious, so that if things are not perfectly solid in the marriage, the outside pressures will help it implode ... inlaws who don\'t approve and extended family on either side who don\'t approve and make their disapproval known ... you can say love conquers all, and sometimes it does ... but sometimes it doesn\'t, either. And what could have been a good relationship in a perfect world gets picked away at by the imperfect and racist world that we live in. Even though we all know it SHOULDN\'T matter. It does matter -- that\'s the fact.

Unless you really get off on being an iconoclast in your every day life, and unless you are so absolutely smitten head over heels positive this is the only person for you in your life and your one chance for happiness -- AND if you have strong support from friends and a social network -- maybe it wouldn\'t be so bad.

But why buy trouble? Not to mention the fact that mixed kids have it rough. (before you start, yes, I know, childhood\'s hard on lots of kids for lots of reasons, etc.) I repeat -- why buy trouble?

Having been there and done that, I would not choose it again, and my advice is to avoid it if at all possible.

[MOBLEYC57]

Keep shouting Belgareth! I\'ll shout from this end, you shout from your end, and maybe our voices will meet. Geezzzz! Maybe we\'ll even change only one or two minds in between, but that would be a good thing. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Tater!!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Belgareth -- you know I don\'t give a goddamn what anybody thinks. I\'m not saying to avoid it because other people think it\'s not right. I didn\'t go into my marriage thinking I was making some great social strides or that it would change the world, or with any thought in mind other than I loved my husband.

But it\'s not a United Colors of Bennetton world out there yet. Much as I also would like it to be.

At least, don\'t be naive. Love doesn\'t conquer all. It sure doesn\'t begin to correct others\' prejudices. And as much as I\'d like to say fukk \'em, and I do say fukk \'em, we live in a society. And unless you want to be perpetually \"special\" and subject to comment and criticism and prejudice and judgment, I say avoid it. As a practical matter.

[Wolfe]

a journey can not begin untill the first step is taken

[belgareth]

FTR:

I could say the same for mixed religion or even social classes. Shall we eliminate them as well? I think not! It\'s still discrimination, just directed at another group of people. Rather, lets all make every effort to fight ignorance at every opportunity. I may get hurt a time or two, but in the long run, I may get the privilage of leaving this world a better place than when I joined it. What greater legacy could a person ask for?

Mobley:
Shout long and loud and teach your children to shout as well! I\'ll do the same.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

It\'s not for everybody, and I would not do it again, nor do I recommend it.

My 2 cents and that\'s all I have to say.

[Wolfe]

sorry..maybe to brief there. By that i meant that we can\'t change what has happened in the past but we can change what happens in the future..IF we\'re willing to take that step into the unknown and fight for what we believe is the \'right\' thing to do. and FTR i know how it must have been (and will be for others that come along in the future-at least for awhile still) but we must take that step if things are to change.

[MOBLEYC57]

You got my vote Wolfey!! For a second step often comes from the first. But one must remember...sticks and stones can break a bone, and words do often hurt SOME, but only bothers others. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Tater!!!

[Wolfe]

didnt say it\'d be easy for the \'forefathers\' to do, just that it is something that has to be done if we\'re to evolve as a human race. And it is some better too ya know, 20 yrs ago a black man/woman married to a white man/woman would have been more than verbally harassed, they might have been burned out of thier home so some strides have been made already.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I don\'t see that we MUST do anything. Nothing I MUST do but pay taxes and die, eventually. You know what I\'m saying?

I\'m sticking to my guns on this one. I had my head in the clouds with this \"take the first step\" stuff, too, going into it; things will change, let change begin with me, blah de blah.

That\'s fine if you\'re into it. No law that says you have to, though. Just don\'t go into it blind. It can be a hard way to live unless you like a lot of attention all the time, much of it negative.

[Wolfe]

ok..i\'m off my soap box

[MOBLEYC57]

Interracial Dating - Bottom line is....some can handle it, some can\'t, and some THINK they can. \"\"\"I THINK\"\"\" that it can be done IF both families accept it. I\'ve seen family turn their backs on daughters and sons because of it. Where\'s the love? Hatred is something else! Anything/one outside of my family....can just kiss my round muscular ass!! I\'m so glad my parents didn\'t teach from that ignorant book. Our strengths are ALL in different areas. It\'s like some can deal with the death of a loved one, and some can\'t. Those with sound minds, know the difference between right and wrong...is it right, or is it wrong? One day....color won\'t matter....just too bad I won\'t get to see it. /ubbthreads/images/icons/frown.gif

[Wolfe]

\'sigh\'. i\'ve seen that happen many times in NON-racial relations too though..familys turning thier backs on 1 another..damn thats sad

[Gerund]

As the product of a mixed marriage, I can attest to the difficulties inherent, and the emotional fallout on the children especially. My Mom is Norwegian, and my Dad was Hungarian/German. The constant indecision whether to eat Lefse or Saurkraut has probably scarred me emotionally for life! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

Sometimes life is sad...but as always, the mind is the most powerful tool on this Earth.....negatively and positively. It\'s like the old poem:

Becareful what you think, for thoughts become words
Becareful of your words, for words become actions
Be careful of your actions, for actions become habits
Be careful of your habits, for it becomes your destiny

[MOBLEYC57]

Eat\'em both G!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[Elana]

Gerund- Your post brought tears to my eyes. It\'s always the children that must suffer. Why oh why did you have to eat either Lefse or Saurkraut? It\'s just so wrong. /ubbthreads/images/icons/frown.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

at least now we know what\'s wrong with him -- god knows, I\'ve wondered

[belgareth]

Children the world over can continue to suffer or we adults can continue to fight for what we believe to be right. So long as race is considered to be important, we all lose.

[Elana]

Renee- Show a bit of compassion. Have you ever eaten Lefse?

[upsidedown]

Don\'t fall for Gerund\'s line. It\'s just a typical male scam to make the ladies feel sorry for him. Never seems to work for me though. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[Wolfe]

me..i just look them in the eyes with my \'sad brown eyes and give them a \'im crushed look\'. gets them every time /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[Gerund]

hehe /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Elana - Who\'s Lefse?

[Gerund]

LMAO!

[Elana]

I\'ll send him right over

[upsidedown]

Does he have a sister? I\'ve always had a leaning for Scandinavian blondes. . . . but they just keep pushing me back! /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif

[Whitehall]

I had a buddy who had a black American father and a Japanese mother. This guy was a real winner. Sharp as a tack and very athletic. His only problem was that he was always breaking his bones. Seems like he got his muscles from his dad but that they were too powerful for this skeleton (from his mom) which broke under the stress.

[seadove]

Mobley, FTR and Wolfe.
I\'d like to say something that maybe Elana will understand me better since she\'s a jew too.
We jews are also of mixed races, and in the past we tended to stick to our same type, due to many ignorance, suspicions, and other nonsence.
Slowly the barriers are getting smaller, and THE WALL is crumbling down, once again due to the children\'s defiant want to change this world and to make it a better place.
And there is one very big major terrific by-product:The more mixed marraiges there are, the better and more healthy the children are getting, The boys are more sporty and tall and the girls are prettier (and smarter).
Therefore I reiterate my saying from the beginning of this thread that inter-racial dating AND mating is a definate must in all countries and religions, and if there are some differences of opinions as the years go by, it will deminish in the end.

[belgareth]

Seadove:

Interracial marraiges may be rough now but, you are right, they will make us better as a race in the long term. This is true both sociologically and physiologically. I appreciate your comments.

[seadove]

Belgareth
I meant marraige WITHIN the jewish religion and not Jews with non jews.We too have this problem.

[belgareth]

It is still a start. In my dealings with the world, I have always believed the idea that the avalanch is started by just one little snowflake. The more we open doors, the more doors we are willing to open.

It probably won\'t happen in my lifetime but I have hopes that my children and grandchildren will grow up in a world without the poison of bigotry and hatred. If we each make the effort to reduce it today, that hope my come to pass one day.

[Wolfe]

i never said \'don\'t do it\'

[MOBLEYC57]

Dove - You\'re right!!! Time will fix mostly anything!!! Like I said before....it\'s all mental. There are those that live by what others think, and there are those like myself....as long as no one puts their hands on me, I\'m fine. But if everyone or everything was according to Mobley....the world would be flat, we could all put on iceskates and skate to Italy!! Time will change it all. Just look all around you! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif It\'s got to be a terrible feeling hating someone because of the color of their skin, and having to work with them, or see them. I\'m suprised more people are not buying guns and just going around shooting people with all that hate built up inside. Wonder how they do it? Not my problem!!! Tater!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[CptKipling]

From what I see, there seems to be no reason for interracial relationships to florish any less than same-race relationships.

But I have noticed one thing, which is completely personal. For some reason which I cannot fathom, I dont find black girls atractive in the same way any other race. Sure, I like some, but they always seem to have more European-ised features. Now don\'t get me wrong this is no prejudice here, that is one of the things I believe most strongly against. I can be friends with black girls, but there is never the spark.

For a long time I have been thinking that its pheromonal. Up untill the age of about 9 I had had no contact at all with any black girls, probably to do with where I lived in the country (a very rural area). I spent a few years in Asia following my dad\'s job, and also find asian girls very attractive, when many of my friends do not.

[MOBLEYC57]

Capt - No problem there my friend. What it all boils down to is....whatever blows your hair back (feels good). It\'s not mandatory. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif Everybody has something that makes their taste buds scream. The whole idea is to be happy. PERIOD! I\'m in an area where lots of people care, lots don\'t, and lots would venture over the fence if no one saw them. YOU have to be happy -- regardless of what everyone else says, expects, or thinks. If you\'re not attracted to women of color....so be it. Trust me when I say....there are a lot of men not attracted to women of color...it\'s their choice...regardless of the reason. T\'will be alright! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Tater!!!