recent break up with girl (UPDATE-with pheros)

[SonnyBlack]

hello...If you recall around 3 weeks ago I wrote a post explaining how me and my girlfriend of 1 yr broke up. She said that we would fight too much and that she thought it was for the best for us to break up. Now I also mentioned how I was this girl\'s first boyfriend and the only person shes ever given herself to. You all gave me advice suchas play it cool like if you dont care and stuff. Well she had been calling me every day saying that she couldnt forget me and how it was so hard for her to try to move on with her life. She also kept badgering me about going to her apartment to pick up some shoes I had left the last time I was there. Anyways I gave her the runaround for a couple of weeks and said that Id rather not see her...I played it off like if I didnt care and i guess this just drove her more nuts. Well finally this past Thursday I agreed to visit her in the condition that she would be cool and not fight and stuff. Anyways I barely got my pheros in last week and I had never tried them around her. So this day I decided to try two drops of AE on my hands and 3 dabs of NPA on my neck, face and chest. Anyways the results were really astounding. As soon as I got there...she started kissing me...went straight for my lips and kissed me passionately...and was really turned on...she kept saying how she couldnt break away from me even for one second and spent most of the night in my arms on her sofa...even when i said I wanted to go the restroom she would begin pouting her lips and saying how it is very hard to be away fromme for even 10 seconds...she was also repeatedly asking me what she could do for me (sexual favors as well as dinner ) and how she could please me....This really freaked me out as shes usually very cold and only cares about herself and sometimes treats me with disdain but all nite she kept saying how much she missed me and asking commitment type questions like\"what would you do if I got pregnant\"...would you marry me??Do you love me???\"cus I still do\"I also showed a bunch of confidence all through the night(alpha male- very protecting and made her feel taken care of) thanks to the none(my new best friend)I think she dug the fact that I was in control ...it made her happy I guess...it made her wanna please me and made her feel lucky to be with me ...its very hard to explain but this is kinda what I gathered from it...she saw me with a whole lot of respect now...respect that I think she lacked for me in the past...due to my crappy natural phero signature...anyways when I left she didnt want me to leave and was asking me to stay an hour more (this had never happened to me before...she usually says \"OK\" when I tell her I have to leave)....but i left anyway...in my alpha maleness hehe.Anyways yesterday ,Saturday said she loved the night ...that it was very magical and she felt very happy...but that now she needs to ask me some questions about us....I really dont know what she means by this but I guess Ill find out when I talk to her tommorow...anyways what do you all think about all this.....gimme feedback.....it will be greatly appreciated...thanks

[krtel]

Alright man! Way to go! Women are tricky with these \"extra\" questions. Go armed, with heavy pheros! lol. Now only if I could get results like this, lol. Arghhh, waiting on my NPA and AE. :\\

- Krish

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I\'m sure the phero\'s worked very well for you, but I think it freaked her that you stayed away so long. From what you\'ve said here, it sounds like she wants to get back together with you. If that\'s the case, you have a big decision to make.

[MOBLEYC57]

I sure hope you\'re not dating my last girlfriend!!! It almost sounded word for word, the exact same thing she said to me, after being in the streets chasing other people\'s men. You didn\'t give in...and she finally got you there. I went over to me ex after a year, and she thanked me for coming over, and she too said she enjoyed the night. If you\'re happy...go with it, buuuut be careful. After a year, my ex didn\'t change, she just wanted something new to do, and since I hadn\'t been with her in a year...I was new, until I got old. /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif Now she\'s back out there flirting until she can get someone\'s husband or boyfriend to bite, and believe you me...she\'s much better off wherever she is! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif For me...whatever!!!! For you...good luck, and I hope it works if that\'s where your heart is. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif Tater!!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

If she wasn\'t running around, if she\'s not an unself-disciplined person or promiscuous or with a drinking problem or some other addiction, I\'m saying if she\'s a pretty decent girl, give her a break when you talk to her next and be nice.

I feel sorry for her. \'cause she\'s gonna have to learn now how to play cool and how much restraint it takes. Once you do the \"cool\" thing, the only way the other person can respond and keep in balance is to jerk your chain with \"cool\" a little too, and sometimes the shoe doesn\'t feel too good on the other foot. She\'ll continue being a fool for you for a little while, but eventually her girlfriends while clue her in. So mix it up, is my advice. The more cool and alpha you are (and you had a good turn of it) the nicer you ought to be the next time, if you want to keep her.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

The ultimate question is : Do you want to be with her again ?

If yes, bang her next time, if no, avoid her.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

He\'s in a position right now where he has a lot of options. Any master of the game that I know would be calm and friendly, sit back, be open and relaxed, very laid back, let her talk it all out, and start subtly directing her behavior. She really wants to please and she\'s ripe for some molding. If he played it right, he could have pretty much whatever he wants.

You miss out if you say just lay her. For women, it\'s about the talking. You\'ve got to learn to let them talk and know how to listen. John Gray\'s good on this. The more she talks and reveals herself as a person to you, the more you know where her buttons are and how to work her.

[MAJORSOB]

What would you do if i got pregnant..she said this to you? sounds to me that there could be more to the break up then meets the eye..do yourself a favor and write down the date you first have sex with her again...just a hunch but something is not right with this picture..use protection..don\'t just think shes got it covered because you just might find out your a father!!

[proteus]

Sonnyblack, what you\'ve been doing has been \" working \" so just keep doing what you\'ve been doing. As the old saying goes \"if it ain\'t broke, don\'t fix it\". Seems like she responds to you being alpha, in control as you put it, and if you start reverting to the behaviors/attitudes you used to have well trust me she will start acting up again. I think the -none played a part in her response to you, but I think your behavior/attitude that you described played an even more important part, and she came to understand that you do not \"need\" her/can go on with your life without her and now she understood that she does not have the control over you that she thought you did. If you start supplicating to her again she will lose her newfound \"respect\" of you whether or not you are wearing none. I have made this mistake in the past so just trying to share what I\'ve learned, so never ever let any woman put herself in a situation where she has control. The ideal would be to meet someone with whom issues of control etc. are irrelevant/a non-issue, and that is the woman I\'d marry, but I\'d rather be single than go back to a situation as you put it where \"shes usually very cold and only cares about herself and sometimes treats me with disdain.\" If you act like how you did in the past, you will get this same stuff again.

[belgareth]

She sounds a lot like my ex from long ago. I think I would run fast and far. Ten months after some very similar stuff, I became a father, while she was protected!

Maybe I\'m cynical, but it\'s hard to imagine somebody changing that much. She sounds like bad news to me.

[BassMan]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

commitment type questions like\"what would you do if I got pregnant\"...would you marry me??Do you love me???\"cus I still do\"

<hr></blockquote>The \"what would you do\" questions would be a serious red flag for me.

[Gerund]

You got that right, BassMan~

I interpret a statement like that from a woman to mean she\'s contemplating an intentional pregnancy~

[**DONOTDELETE**]

You can\'t believe how paranoid you all sound to me. I read her as just trying to figure out his level of interest, e.g., would he want to marry her, how committed is he to her, how much future does he see with her. The answer to that question should be, \"If you got pregnant, I would not like it. I care for you but I\'m not ready to be a father, and I want my first child to be a planned pregnancy. Why, do you have concerns about the birth control method we\'re using right now? Because if you do, we need to get those solved before we have sex again.\"

[Gerund]

Good point.

But a question like that from a young girl would still make me a nervous son-of-a-gun! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I hear ya, but try to consider her point of view. She COULD get pregnant - no method is entirely fail proof. It\'s a reasonable question that deserves an honest answer. I don\'t see it as in any way indicative of an intent to deceive him.

[Gerund]

Oh, I absolutely agree it deserves an honest, well-thought-out answer. But sometimes when a girl starts asking questions in \"hypotheticals,\" it can mean that something else is afoot. Not necessarily, of course. But there could easily be something else going on, such as maybe she already is pregnant... I (and apparently BassMan) have had experience in similar situations...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

That\'s reasonable, and maybe she is being manipulative.

Here\'s my thing, and then I\'ll shut up about it. Guys tend to lie immediately when confronted with a sticky question, or they become alarmed and suspicious and start acting like jerks. My suggestion is to do neither. Be calm, lucid, friendly, and just answer the question. Let her deal with it or not. E.g., \"Are you seeing other people?\" Yes I date other women. \"Are you having sex with them?\" Yes, I have sex with other women. \"Do you ever think you\'d want to be monogamous with me?\" \"I don\'t know.\" \"That could happen.\" \"I don\'t want to be monogamous with anyone.\" or \"What would you do if I got pregnant?\" I would ask you to have an abortion; I don\'t want children out of wedlock (don\'t want children, don\'t want children now, whatever). No freaking out, no lies, no making excuses, just honest answers in plain English in a calm manner, this is who I am, what I do, how I feel, and without rushing her through the process or trying to shut her up or projecting anxieties if she has concerns of any type whatsoever. That, to me, says alpha male more than anything else, just the unapologetic truth and the willingness to confront any issue and the knowledge you can talk to him about anything and he\'ll tell you the truth.

[BassMan]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

I hear ya, but try to consider her point of view. She COULD get pregnant - no method is entirely fail proof. It\'s a reasonable question that deserves an honest answer. I don\'t see it as in any way indicative of an intent to deceive him.

<hr></blockquote>I didn\'t particularly say it was. I said it would be a red flag. Meaning a serious conversation is needed before the next sexual contact.

Your description of the conversation sounds about right to me.

\"Will you marry me if I get pregnant\" definately implies her preferences, tho. And it\'s important to note that the female has _all_ the power in the decision whether to carry to term and/or keep the baby. Legally, the male has no say whatsoever.

[BassMan]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

I would ask you to have an abortion; I don\'t want children out of wedlock (don\'t want children, don\'t want children now, whatever).

<hr></blockquote>I think I\'d not only say that, but I\'d want a conversation about how she feels about abortion. And I wouldn\'t trust her answer a bit, by the way. Although she might indeed agree it would be the best thing at the time of the conversation, once she\'s pregnant, these things tend to change.

And yes, I have been there.