Which would make her feel in love with me???

[SonnyBlack]

hello fellas. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months...and well Ive been pretty bummed about it. Even though it hurts and all I have not given her one hint of it. I play it off as if eveythings allright and that break ups are just a part of life..especially when Ive talked to her since the break up. Well recently she called my house again and she kept telling me how she misses me and how Im always gonna be special to her but that she feels the reason we broke up was for the best (she said that we would fight and argue too much).Well this last time she called she kept on insisting that I go over to her place and pickup some old tennis shoes that I left there the last time I went over...and I said \"I would see when I was available to do so...\" My question is this: what pheromone should I wear when going over so she can kinda feel in awe and in love of me...MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE MADE A MISTAKE AND HAS TO HAVE ME BACK.I have SOE, NPA, and AE. what combinations would be wise for me to wear to this meeting at her house and how long before I get there should I put it on and how much???Oh and one last thing (sorry to bother you guys with so many questions) what attitude should I take to this break up????How should I act in front of her...make her feel??What are some things I should say???What would Doc Love\'s THE SYSTEM recommend I do in a situation like this???thanks alot for your responses in advance fellas.

[MAJORSOB]

Sonny..maybe in your case where you have already had a relationship with this girl and she knows you..it would be better to just talk to her straight up about getting back together and working out what ever problems led to your break up..when it comes to women they don\'t want tricks or head games..they want honesty. Leave your pride on the table and be yourself..worse case senario you don\'t get back together but you told her how you feel and they\'ll be no regrets.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Bravo, what a good post.

About the arguing too much -- I tried this and it worked so I\'m passing it along. Set yourself this task, assuming you two do get back together. Let her have her way and don\'t argue with her unless it\'s a matter of life and death. If you\'re like me, this will just about kill you. But do it anyway. Set a time limit for yourself, say you\'ll do it for two weeks or one month, or something, and make a firm commitment you\'re not going to argue with her.

You\'d be really surprised I think at how much sweeter your relationship will be. Also how little most things mean, given even 1 day\'s perspective. Most of the things we argue about are not really worth arguing about, especially if it means the loss of your relationship. I\'m not saying be a doormat or a \"yes man.\" I\'m just suggesting hard discretion in the things you\'ll give negative energy to in your relationship. Go along to get along and see what happens. Notice this takes a shift in your priorities -- you have to commit to letting the relationship and her happiness be more important to you than your need to be right.

Two things happen for me, actually. First is the relationship is sweeter and deeper. Second is that when I *do* voice a complaint or make a contradictory statement, it carries weight, because I\'m not constantly bitching, so I\'m more likely to get my way when it really matters to me.

Good luck.

[proteus]

right, talk it over with her. Sounds like she would be open to talking - only other thing I\'d add is from all I\'ve read about SOE (never tried it) it\'s good at making folks relax around you, so maybe wear some of that when you go visit and talk honestly about everything and find out from her what she thinks would have to done to make it work. Pheros should not be used in lieu of communication IMO

[CptKipling]

Ok yeah talking is good, but there is stuff you can do before that to make HER be the one to suggest it and take the leed. Firstly, stop tearing yourself up about it, and start believing that it is not the most important thing.

An important attitude is to be kind of blase about it, your just going around to do whatever. Your not even thinking about getting back with her (erm...honest! Dont actually say this). Wear all your products @ AE:NPASOE 3:2:6, AE/SOE on your arms (4 drops AE rubbed between forearms, covered with 6\" SOE), covering 1 or 2 dabs of NPA. Put 3 or 4 dabs of the above mix on your chin(spread across jawline), behind ears, eyebrows.

Hopefully this will excite her and make her more aware of you. But it really is more to do with you talking to her. Depends on her and you, do you know how much (if at all) she wants to get back with you?

[SonnyBlack]

well i dont know exactly if she wants to get back with me. But she was the one that called me 1st. She said she missed me intensely and that its hard to think about me because it hurts so much. She said thogh (and this is where im confused) that breaking up was the best thing possible because we were fighting too much and eventually we would start disrespecting each other. It hurts her intensely because I was her first boyfriend, 1st kiss, and she gave me her virginity even though that is very important to her. I want to get back with her but I wouldnt know how to go about it because (I dont mean to sound sexist) women are very confusing. I know that if I tell her I want to get back shell just say no more even if she wants to too...but I dont wanna ignore her forever because Im afraid she might find some one new...so Im very confused on what to do or say. Any tips on things I can say...or how I should go about this...also will the Soe give me an edge or will it just make me seem like a door mat to her....ADVICE PLEASE

[CptKipling]

Ok dont take this as gospel or get your hopes up too much, but i think she will get back with you. Your obviously a very important person in her life. How old are the two of you? You need to be supportive, but make it seem as though you are moving on, or trying to. Dont call her, but do maybe once a week. It\'s going to take longer than just that one visit to collect your shoes. Go out with your mates, have a good time, make sure you look like you are, but DONT get with another girl in anyway. Yeah talk to them. This lets her know you are still thinking about her, without actually wanting to get back with her. When you talk to her, be happy, friendly, and funny. HOPEFULLY, she will get the idea that maybe you do want to get back with her (even if you haven\'t realised it, or at least she will think you would be receptive to the idea), but the most important thing is she will be thinking about all the good times you two had (try to \"sew the seeds\" of these ideas in her mind, so you\'re not actually suggesting them, its ok if you do, but you\'ve hit gold if she does out of the blue). Then its up to you to get the passion going again. Make it seems as though you\'ve changed, that (to her) you won\'t argue like you used to. See FTR\'s post for a good idea on this.

I already told you what mix to wear.

[SonnyBlack]

thanks Captain...any other suggestions from any forum members on what to say and how to act...or other mixes to wear...(i just want as much info as possible on this)

[CptKipling]

No problem, I went through pretty much the same thing, just passing on some stuff I learnt.

[xxxPantero]

well, here\'s my opinions:

1.) tell her to stop reading so many damn relationship books and go with what\'s in her heart before she makes the biggest mistake of her life

2.) it is also possible maybe since you were her first she wants to explore and play the field, and THEN maybe get back with you (that way she can\'t say she cheated, but that she at least played the field) doesn\'t that suck? that you want to be their firsts (congrats by the way /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif) but then because of that, she still has some wild oats that need sewing /ubbthreads/images/icons/frown.gif

3.) maybe she doesn\'t want you as a boyfriend anymore but is finding it hard to let go since you were her first everything, and she doesn\'t want you to hate her, no matter if she goes with someone else.

4) talk to her instead of acting the way the system says. yeah, the system is great, i bet, but never follow any rule off a cliff. like FTR said, don\'t be a doormat, but be a little more cooperative. do NOT say that you\'re going out with some girl, because if she was still undecided, that would make the decision for her. don\'t try to forget about her just yet. be around her, and talk to her about the relationship, but only when SHE BRINGS IT UP! don\'t bring it up, or you\'ll push her away. if she brings it up, she\'s already pulling you closer.

my advice to you is take up a hobby that takes your mind off of her, like getting drunk /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

it\'s not an alcohol addicition, it\'s a commitment to a drinking hobby!

/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif hope i helped man

sorry to hear about your situation. it sucks, we all know.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

She called you and said she couldn\'t forget you. ... and then she added that it was for the best.

That is her trying to tell you that she wants you back, but things need to improve re the bickering.

Here\'s another way you could go. What would happen if you didn\'t discuss it at all? What would happen if you just called her up and said Hey, want to go to a movie with me? and if she says what do you mean by it, play it off, say, I just wondered if you want to go to a movie with me (or hang out, doing whatever). I haven\'t seen you in awhile. See if you can resume seeing her without making an announcement \"we\'re together again\" and having to have a long talk about it. And just sort of ease your way back into things.

[xxxPantero]

good idea, FTR

[**DONOTDELETE**]

[marv14yag]

You know what you should have done when you would argue..Grab her, kiss her, and say, \"Dont\' worry about it...It\'ll be alright...\"

Bart

[MOBLEYC57]

Sonny, just read your bio, and this is my opinion, and only mine. I\'ve cut and pased your questions to answer them. So here I go....First, your bio says you want to attract as many girls as possible. Could this be the reason for your break up? People that are truely in love, and you\'ll know when you are, don\'t care to attract anyone else. Now to your post...\"hello fellas HI SONNY. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months...and well Ive been pretty bummed about it IT\'S PAINFUL, BUT DON\'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. Even though it hurts YOU\'RE A MAN TO ADMIT THAT and all I have not given her one hint of it GOOD JOB. I play it off as if eveythings allright and that break ups are just a part of life THEY ARE...especially when Ive talked to her since the break up COOL! WHAT A MAN!!! Well recently she called my house again and she kept telling me how she misses me and how Im always gonna be special to her TELL HER YOU MISS HER AS WELL IF THAT\'S HOW YOU FEEL but that she feels the reason we broke up was for the best (she said that we would fight and argue too much) TELL HER SHE\'S PROBABLY RIGHT. Well this last time she called she kept on insisting that I go over to her place and pickup some old tennis shoes that I left there the last time I went over...and I said \"I would see when I was available to do so...\" DO YOU WANT THE SNEAKERS? IF NOT, DON\'T EVEN GO OVER THERE, TELL HER SHE CAN THROW THEM OUT, BECAUSE YOU DON\'T NEED THEM. YOU NEED TO FIND OUT TWO THINGS FOR SURE...(1) DOES SHE REALLY MISS YOU (2) DOES SHE STILL LOVE YOU. GIVE HER THE SPACE TO DECIDE, AND IF THE ANSWER TO BOTH OF THOSE QUESTIONS ARE YES...YOU\'LL FIND OUT, BECAUSE SHE\'LL LET YOU KNOW My question is this: what pheromone should I wear when going over so she can kinda feel in awe and in love of me...MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE MADE A MISTAKE AND HAS TO HAVE ME BACK. DON\'T GO!! BUT IF YOU CAN\'T HANDLE NOT GOING, JUST WEAR SOE, OR AE. NONE OF THIS STUFF MAKES ONE FALL IN LOVE...I TRIED THAT WITH AN OLD EX THAT RAN THE STREETS, AND MAYBE SHE DIDN\'T RESPOND TO MONES BECAUSE SHE KEPT RUNNING THE STREETS. I have SOE, NPA, and AE. what combinations would be wise for me to wear to this meeting at her house and how long before I get there should I put it on and how much??? 15 TO 30 MINUTES Oh and one last thing (sorry to bother you guys with so many questions) what attitude should I take to this break up???? WHAT\'S THE REASON YOU BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE? THAT WILL GIVE ALL A GOOD LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE, BECAUSE IF SHE LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE OUT FLIRTING, YOU ARE IN THE DOG HOUSE, AND IT\'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT. IF SHE JUST BROKE UP WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU TWO ARGUE TOO MUCH, WHAT ARE YOU ARGUING ABOUT? JEALOUSY, DISRESPECT, WHAT? How should I act in front of her...make her feel?? KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AS THOUGH YOU WEREN\'T BROKE UP, AND SHOW HERE NOTHING BUT RESPECT What are some things I should say??? NOTHING...SHE ASK YOU TO COME GET YOUR SNEAKERS. What would Doc Love\'s THE SYSTEM recommend I do in a situation like this??? DOC LOVE PROBABLY HAS NEVER BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. thanks alot for your responses in advance fellas. GOOD LUCK....AND REMEMBER, PEOPLE MAY FORGET WHAT YOU\'VE DONE, PEOPLE MAY FORGET WHAT YOU\'VE SAID, BUT NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

[SonnyBlack]

thanks alot for all the replies everyone...she called today before I got back from school ...I wasnt home but her number came out on the Caller ID...what should I do???Call her back???Wait for her to call again???

[Watcher]

Lol at least ring back and if nothing happens use pheros to find someone else, if they are going to work opportunities will become available in other areas.

[BassMan]

Call her back. Be friendly. Detached. Pretend she\'s an old friend calling after a while apart.

[MOBLEYC57]

Sonny, call her back....just not today. If she calls before you call tomorrow, tell you were busy, and it got too late. Buuuut, if her phone message, if there was one, was \"come get your damn shoes,\" you might want to call back today, and go get your damn shoes. But unless your shoes are blocking someone else...that can\'t be too much of a problem, oooooor, she\'s really missing you. Either or, keep smiling when you see and talk to her, and be nice no matter how it turns out. Sometimes people have to go over the fence to make grass angels to find out that the grass they left behind, was just as good, and that leaves you with the scared thought...she left me for another, or she walked out on OUR love. Hang in there, and keep the sunshine on your face...if you can\'t wait for tomorrow to come, it comes, and if you want tomorrow to come, it comes.

[xxxPantero]

mobley, you are the man

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Better yet, just act like you don\'t give a sh!t about her...works like a charm.

[Macmers]

Interesting post......

\"When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.\"
-Walter Lippmann

[MOBLEYC57]

Thanks xxxPantero!!!

Deathbystereo that\'s...just act like you don\'t give a sh!t about her WITH A SMILE AND KIND WORDS...works like a charm WORKS LIKE A CHARM, UNLESS SHE REALLY GOT THE HOTS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. THAT BEING THE CASE...YOU\'VE HELPED HER OUT WITH THE PUTTING YOUR SUITCASE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD FOR YOU TO TRAVEL ON UP THE ROAD. THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH WOMEN FELLAS...IS TO NOT NEED THEM SO MUCH. I KNOW, I KNOW, IT\'S HARD, BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, \"IF YOU\'RE BUSY, YOUR MIND IS OCCUPIED.\" LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL...LOVE\'S GENERIC BRAND SUCKS!!!!!!

[DrSmellThis]

I like A1 and -nol for such applications.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<OPINION>
If she does have the hots for someone else and you play cool like you don\'t care, I\'d bet it\'d make her think about getting back together with you. Telling her how much you love and need her could make things worse for you. But yes, you still have to be kind and nice. I\'m not saying you should be a d!ck, just act like you have other things going on in your life even if you don\'t. Chicks pursue what they think they can\'t have. I\'m saying this from personal experience. It sometimes worked so well it was scary (ex-gf gone stalker). Pheros may help too /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif
</OPINION>

[edit: Mistake, I thought you made the original post ]

[Watcher]

To understand females consider the opposite of what men want.

Men want to chase - woman want what they cant have.
Men like comfort and stablility - women want constant excitement.

[CptKipling]

Very true Watcher.

[MaxiMog]

Just kiss and make up. No talking required!

No, seriously, if you do plan to use mones when meeting her, I\'d go very light on them or use no pheros at all. I would\'t use -none , either. I think SOE really is the best one is this kind of situation. Perhaps some A1, too? (haven\'t tried it myself).

Above all, be yourself. You both obviously mean a lot to each other, so she will see it when you\'re not acting like you really are (at least that\'s what my experience has been telling me...)

[CptKipling]

Actually, yeah go easy on the pheros.

You DO want her to be thinking properly when you talk about this, or else you will find that not much gets said as conversation yields to...other stuff. While this may seem good at the time, it leaves no foundation.

Mobley gave some really good advice, listen to him.

[SonnyBlack]

NEW DEVELOPMENT. She called me again last night and we got to talking. I was acting quite carefree and happy and laughing at her little comments. She seemed a bit pissed that I was in a good mood...I guess she wanted me to be miserable like her. I told her to cheer up and that this new cynical attitude(she kept on saying YEA RIGHT..and SURE...in a sarcastic tone when I would mention things) wasnt good for her. In the middle of the phone conversation I received another phone call and I told her to wait a little bit and went and answered it. When I came back she kept asking me who it was...and I said it was nobody.For like 20 min she kept insisting that I tell her who called and that it was probably some girl. I said it was my business and that I felt she was prying..i said this to her very respectfully without arguing. Anyways towards the end of the conversation she broke down and admitted that she still was very much in love with me and that the other day she even caught herself daydreaming about me before going to bed. She mentioned she didnt know why she couldnt get me off her mind and I said the answer was easy ( I was a bit cocky in my response but what the hell) I told her the reason she couldnt do that is because she still loved me...I told her no matter how much she tries to tell herself that she doesnt she still does and that I know all this without her even telling me...she broke down and admitted I was right.When we hung up she muttered the words I LOVE YOU...and got mad when i didnt respond back right away..but I eventually said ME TOO..and she also mentioned that what causes some of our arguments is that she feels low..and thinks low of herself. She admitted to having very low self esteem ( this admittance surprised me alot) and she thinks that she cant compete with my prior girlfriend and she gets to thinking that I loved my ex more. Anyways we ended the conversation by her telling me she was tired and needed to go to bed and she said she loved me and I said \"me too\" and she said shed call me sometime during the week. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK SHOULD BE MY NEXT STEP??WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT WHAT WAS SAID IN THIS CONVERSATION???WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND I D AFTER THIS...OR HOW DO I FOLLOW THIS THROUGH...I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ADVICE SINCE YOU GUYS SEEM TO KNOW ALOT MORE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS THAN I DO.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

The guys will probably say different, but I say don\'t torture the girl, for god\'s sake. She\'s tortured enough as it is. She just gave you the entire upper hand. Now let\'s see if you can be a gentleman about it and not take advantage of her. For me, this would be the time when I sit back and see exactly how\'re you gonna act, now that you have the power? will you abuse it and act like a dick, or will you be kind.

BTW. Why does she know or think she knows that you loved your ex so much? You rub your ex in her face?

[BassMan]

I concur completely. You have the power. How you use it is going to say worlds about you.

[SonnyBlack]

so what would you guys recommend I do now??Im a bit scared of taking the wrong step or doing something thatll mess this up for me...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Well, put yourself in her shoes. Practice empathy. Then go from there.

How would you feel if you had just laid yourself out bare for someone, said you loved them (when you weren\'t sure if they loved you back), said you sometimes felt like you weren\'t good enough (when you suspect someone else *was*). A little anxious, maybe? Like you\'d want a hug and some reassurance? I think some pretty intense make up sex might be in order, followed by a cuddling session and some \"you know you\'re the only one\" talk.

IMO, that should make for a happily ever after.

[CptKipling]

Well done Sonny! All is well. It is up to you now.

FTR is completely right, IMO anyway. She opened herself up to you, you have the opportunity to become a hero or be hated. Ask to meet her, in a park, go for a quiet walk, something like that. When you get there, take her hand after a few mins (or earlier of you think), look her in the eyes and tell her you love her, then kiss her and sweep her off her feet. You might think this could end horribly for you, but this makes you the better person, more likely to be happy in the future if she\'s a b*tch.

[CptKipling]

Well done Sonny! All is well. It is up to you now.

FTR is completely right, IMO anyway. She opened herself up to you, you have the opportunity to become a hero or be hated. Ask to meet her, in a park, go for a quiet walk, something like that. When you get there, take her hand after a few mins (or earlier of you think), look her in the eyes and tell her you love her, then kiss her and sweep her off her feet. You might think this could end horribly for you, but this makes you the better person, more likely to be happy in the future if she\'s a b*tch.

[oscar]

Sonny,

The girl folded her hand and professed her love for you when she realized that you didn\'t need her. Your happy-go-lucky attitude pissed her off, and the possibility that another girl may have been calling you made her jealous. She claimed to have low self-esteem, and it sounds as if you didn\'t necessarily buy this ploy. Women will do this trying to get you to sweet-talk or flatter them.
Am I putting your girlfriend down? Not at all! They\'re all like this. And the headgames men play tend to be just as underhanded. That\'s life!

So what worked in your favor during this phone call?
Your attitude.
Don\'t totally let it go.
People just don\'t value that which is too easily attained.

Don\'t be a dick, but when you\'re dealing with her, make sure you\'ve got your balls with you. She got a glimpse of them, and it would appear that she admires them.

If you go right back to where you were at the beginning, then you\'ll be on your way to where you are right now. Again.

Don\'t be too hard, but don\'t be too easy either.

An old song :
Got along
withoutcha
before
I metcha,
gonna
get along
withoutcha
now.
Tune: [ , , - - - - - \' \' \' \' \' \' - - - - \' \' , ]

Oscar /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[jose]

I agree with Oscar(which is very rare). I mean come on, all of a sudden the \"I love you\"s come into the picture. Don\'t go jumping into anything, take your time and see where it goes. You don\'t want to be in the same situation again in the future.

[CptKipling]

Hang on, after reading my post through it sounds wrong. Especially my suggestion of going to meet her and what to do there... I was feeling impetuous when I wrote it what can I say? No, oscar is right, do not yield back to the way you were before, you can still be affectionate, but \"show your balls\" so to speak /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif .

Notice the thing stressed in all the replies though, DON\'T ACT THE DICK.

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

Don\'t be too hard, but don\'t be too easy either.

<hr></blockquote>
...which is the essence of Challenge.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Jose. He\'s her first. Give the girl a break.

[MaxiMog]

Loved your post about the walk in the park, cptkipling! Amazingly good stuff and definitely the way to go!

Sonnyblack, I think all is right. She definitely loves you and wants you to get back together. Now if you do love her too (which you probably do) then there\'s nothing that will keep you from holding her in your arms again. I think you\'re facing happy times!

[MOBLEYC57]

Sonny...So things are going the way you \"say\" that you want them to, or do you really want it to, or just trying to get what you thought you couldn\'t have? Be careful...we become blind when we can\'t get what we want, and like the ladies, after we get it, we don\'t want it anymore. BUUUUUUT, if she\'s what you want, this is just what \"I\' thing. I\'ve cut and pasted your statement, and answered in all caps....\"NEW DEVELOPMENT. GOOD FOR YOU, OR IS IT? She called me again last night and we got to talking. I was acting quite carefree and happy and laughing at her little comments. She seemed a bit pissed that I was in a good mood...YOU\'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT THEM...YOU MESSED UP!! : ) I guess she wanted me to be miserable like her YOU WERE MISERABLE BECAUSE SHE LEFT YOU, SHE\'S MISERABLE BECAUSE YOU SOMEHOW SURVIVED WITHOUT HER. I told her to cheer up and that this new cynical attitude (she kept on saying YEA RIGHT..and SURE...in a sarcastic tone when I would mention things) wasnt good for her. IT SURE WASN\'T...YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER AN \"AWWWH BABY!\" ; ) In the middle of the phone conversation I received another phone call and I told her to wait a little bit and went and answered it. When I came back she kept asking me who it was...and I said it was nobody. GEEEZ! YOU HAVE ALL THE MOVEMENTS DOWN PACKED! WHY ARE YOU HAVING PROBLEMS FELLA!? For like 20 min she kept insisting that I tell her who called and that it was probably some girl. I said it was my business and that I felt she was prying..i said this to her very respectfully without arguing. THE COOL AND NICE ANSWER TO THAT SHOULD BE ALWAYS...IT DOESN\'T CONCERN YOU, OR YOU\'RE NOT MY GIRL ANYMORE, SO IT DOESN\'T CONCERN YOU, IF YOU WANT TO RUB HER KICKING YOU TO THE CURB IN HER FACE. Anyways towards the end of the conversation she broke down and admitted that she still was very much in love with me and that the other day she even caught herself daydreaming about me before going to bed. She mentioned she didnt know why she couldnt get me off her mind and I said the answer was easy ( I was a bit cocky in my response but what the hell) I told her the reason she couldnt do that is because she still loved me...I told her no matter how much she tries to tell herself that she doesnt she still does and that I know all this without her even telling me...she broke down and admitted I was right. MACK DADDY!!!! When we hung up she muttered the words I LOVE YOU...and got mad when i didnt respond back right away...YOU GO BOY!!! but I eventually said ME TOO...WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!! IF YOU DECIDE TO TAKE HER BACK...PUT THOSE WORDS IN THE CLOSET FOR A GOOOOOD WHILE, RESPECT HER, OPEN DOORS FOR HER, LOVE HER, BUT MAKE HER HUNGER FOR THOSE WORDS!!!! SHE EARNED THAT BY LETTING YOU GO!!! and she also mentioned that what causes some of our arguments is that she feels low..and thinks low of herself. THEN TELL HER SHE CAN\'T LOVE YOU IF SHE DOESN\'T LOVE HERSELF...THAT\'S A NO SHITTER!!! She admitted to having very low self esteem ( this admittance surprised me alot) and she thinks that she cant compete with my prior girlfriend and she gets to thinking that I loved my ex more SUCKER WORDS...HAVE YOU BEEN WITH YOUR EX SINCE YOU\'VE BEEN WITH HER? Anyways we ended the conversation by her telling me she was tired and needed to go to bed and she said she loved me and I said \"me too\" and she said shed call me sometime during the week. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK SHOULD BE MY NEXT STEP?? You already know what to do. WQhy are you asking the forum members? Needing assurance do we? WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT WHAT WAS SAID IN THIS CONVERSATION??? WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND I DO AFTER THIS...OR HOW DO I FOLLOW THIS THROUGH...just don\'t go back to the old I LOVE YOU 20 times a day, even if you want to, and learn the word \"NO\" to go in the places where you always said yes or o.k. That\'s a weapon that a lot of men don\'t have...trust me!!! I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ADVICE SINCE YOU GUYS SEEM TO KNOW ALOT MORE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS THAN I DO. Relationships are learned with time, the more you enter, the more you learn. It\'s like people tripping over ignorance....some learn, and some continue to trip. No woman wants you to be able to do without her, that\'s good if she truely loves you, but for those that takes your kindness for blindness...make yourself happy, and find something fun to do. Once they find out you are surviving...they hurt. I had a girl that would break up with me on the weekends. The oldest trick in the book for going out with someone else. Sometimes the voice of judgement would get the best of me, and normally I\'d sit home and watch TV, but I went to the club instead. I don\'t/didn\'t go looking to talk to no one, or to pick anyone up, but just to get out of the house, listen to some music, and watch people. I\'d see one of her friends, or one of her friends would see me, and tell her. A day later, she\'d show up at my door saying \"I don\'t want no man hanging out in the club!!\" Excuse me!!! She broke up with me, but she didn\'t want a man that hung out in a club....DUHHHHH! So be careful, the heart scares easily.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Y\'all play too many games. When it comes right down to it, you don\'t get that many chances for love. You ought to do right by it when it comes along and not make everything a pissing contest. The girl was tired of arguing and called it quits even though she cared for him, of course she was hurting and of course she was upset because he was nonchalant. They need to focus on how to work out conflict without making each other miserable, rather than ya\'ll grown men encouraging this guy to be dickish with her. Sounds to me like he\'s stood his ground a little too firmly in the past and doesn\'t need more encouraging on that score.

[krtel]

I have to 100% agree with you. There aren\'t many chances for love and it shouldn\'t be taken lightly.

IMO I think he should get back w/ her.

- Krish

[xxxPantero]

i somewhat agree with FTR

there AREN\'T many chances for love

AND i do know how the girl felt about your ex, dude. i\'ve been in her shoes. it hurts so much you don\'t want to be with the person.

anyway, FTR: there AREN\'T many chances for love, true, but people play mind games whether they realize it or not
he\'s playing these mind games because what he was doing before didn\'t work. so why would he do it again? so history can repeat itself? absolutely not!

\"burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me.\" right?

it\'s not really that bad of a game, either, if it got her to admit that she loves him still. so those mind games are strengthening the love that was broken. there are a few women out there who mean what they say, but not many.

i\'ll give you a recent example that happened to me:

... after a very serious and touchy conversation
girl: \"hey remember when you said xxxxxx\"
me: \"oh yeah, hahahahaa. i wasn\'t serious back then though\"
girl: \"so then why did you say it if you weren\'t serious?\"

and i stopped right there. that last question was LOADED with implications. then she would think that i lied about the important things. that\'s an example of a mind game females play, although they\'re not to blame, because they don\'t realize it. all women know that question is loaded with implications, and to them that\'s natural. but to a normal guy, it means exactly what the words say, no more, and without implications.

anyway, so i told her basically what i just wrote above, and she was like \"holy s.hit, you\'re right.\"

so once guys learn those techniques and games, it will be better for the relationship /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

i have had the benefit of growing up around a lot of females, plus having a lot of lesbian friends, plus being an unattractive nerd for the first 17 years of my life, which caused me to have so many girl FRIENDS and never a girlfriend, so i know how a lot of them work (though not all) and plus i\'ve studied REAL psychology, and also checked out these other girl-getting books. plus i\'ve had the fortune to have an ex who was very very honest about that kind of stuff and confirmed 90% of what i told her regarding the female psyche (with topics about \"challenge\" etc.)***


***case in point:
__________________________________________________ ______________
there was a budweiser commercial on one day. it showed a handsome guy, well dressed, very polite, sitting down, and laughing with a group of women. the woman closest to him touched his arm and said \"you\'re so great. why are you single?\" and he said \"well... i\'m up for grabs!\" with a smile and they all laugh
then his buddy walks in the room, less attractive, but very scruffy, and says with the biggest atitude \"hey, i\'m gonna grab a bud and go home. laters\" and all the women have a DIHL and say to the original guy \"hey, who\'s your friend?\" and the commercial ends

my ex turned and said to me \"damn, that\'s REALLY exaggerated, but it\'s so true.\"
point made! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

[MOBLEYC57]

One thing about relationships...you never know what happened, unless you were there. Sure he should get back with her if that\'s where is heart is, but I\'ve been a doormate most of my life, and it\'s taken me 44 years before I understood that I took it all too personal. No one was born with the intentions of lying cheating on me...t\'was done before me, during me, and probably after me. No, I hate playing games too, and yes, if he wants her, it\'s where he belongs, for it is only he that will find out if she learned from her dismissing him, or not. If she didn\'t, he too will suffer yet another scar. The most beautiful heart in the world is scared, but the death blows of those scares are scares of a broken heart, and it\'s twice as deadly as anything one could imagine. It ranks right under, losing someone close to you by death. No love shouldn\'t be taken lightly, but the world has resulted to that. Amazing isn\'t it... money, material things, sex...before love? I\'ve said all that to say...those of you cheating, breaking up because \"you\" got bored, wanted to make grass angels in what you think is a greener pasture...when you do those things, what you\'re really saying is...\"what i have is worth losing.\" No, I don\'t take pitty for those that throw love away, or take kindness for blindness. They throw it away, only to look for it for the rest of their lives. You may be able to forgive, but you will never forget, and THAT, if you really care for her, will always haunt you. I just hope he doesn\'t find that the break up was really for someone else. \"YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY!\"

FTR - I agree with you love...if it could be so simple. If there was no physical or verbal abuse, but only that you didn\'t see eye to eye...could you walk away from someone you love? If the answer to that is yes, something\'s missing in the love department. I know people are different, but love is not...PURE and POWERFUL. It doesn\'t hurt...ever!!

[CptKipling]

We all wish there were no games, but we bring it on ourselves. Not all the women out there have reached you level of maturity FTR. Some will react very poorly if you were to do what I stated in my post.

Its a trap we fall into, I want to show I care, we all do, but we must not get carried away. If he were to go back now she would take him for granted. She would think that she has the power to get him back again and again and keep him without being loving, which is a dangerous thing to seed in anyones mind. We cannot dictate what sonny should do, we can only say that he cant let her start thinking in certain ways. FTR, love to you and everything, but you cant realistically speak for the entire famale population, in just the same way that we cant give sonny presise advice, we don\'t know what happened, nor do we know what is going through their heads. Yes do all the things to make each other happy, but thats just it, EACH OTHER, for our advice to be good we have to achieve that in the end. That means instilling the right attitude in his head. He\'s getting there, he handled her right on the phone.He (like the majority of men) has yet to learn when and how to show love and affection, without becoming taken for granted. Maybe he has, but he is worried that he is too weak, which in itself implies some insecurities (not having a go here sonny, I am all these things that I am saying aswell, and I am yet to meet a person in my short life who isnt, actually, my dad, but never mind...).

The main rule:

She has to know you care about her, and you must show affection accordingly. She must never be completly sure that she has you. You have to stay in charge of your balls. If she knows she has them, she will take you for granted, it may take a while, but it will happen. Love her, care for her, but never give up your balls, always stay proud to love yourself.

I have taken some time to get to know a girl, my ex actually, and I think I know how she thinks. I still like her, I\'m not sure how much, but I\'m going to use the opportunity to learn.

[MOBLEYC57]

CptKipling - You\'ve got my vote!!!! CptKipling for President!!!!!