To be or not to be (a jerk)

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Spend some time figuring out what you would be like if you were always your very best self. Once you get clear in your mind who you are now and who you want to be, use your energy trying to be that rather than worrying about what other people think, including women. You don\'t have to account for what anybody else does, and what anybody else does is really none of your business, it\'s between them and god. You only have to be the boss of you, and that should be your real concern. Are you really the boss of you? Can you control your own temper? Can you control your own smart mouth? Can you control your own insecurity? Can you control your own desperation to please no matter what it takes? No? Then how in the world do you think you\'re gonna control me?? The first person to dominate is yourself and that\'s a lifetime\'s work. Now -- do you like to be around jerks? Probably not. So why do you think a woman would like to be around a jerk? Jerks are embarassing. Is that what you aspire to for your own personal goals, to be a jerk? \"When I grow up to be a man, I want to be a big jerk.\" ?? For what? People like people who like them back; everyone loves a lover. You can be kind without being a pushover and polite without kissing ass. If you\'re interested in a girl and she treats you badly, move on, but don\'t abuse her, what good does that do you? it doesn\'t matter how much you think she \"deserves\" it. You don\'t know what\'s making her act the way she does --most of the time, it\'s probably not about you --she\'s got her own problems she\'s trying to figure out. If you let yourself get caught up in revenge and tit for tat, you\'re just spinning your wheels, why waste your time -- besides the fact you\'re making bad karma. Do you see that this is the nonchalance that wins? It\'s not that you don\'t care. It\'s that you have better things to do with yourself than participate in bullsh*t and you won\'t participate in it, and you don\'t have to be the least bit belligerent about it. just walk away. Why pay any attention at all to someone who treats you badly? Make a standard for yourself that no matter how provoked, you will stand firm on the side of not being a jerk/abusive. Hold your own standards of behavior no matter what anyone else does, don\'t be dragged down, don\'t let yourself be provoked. Real princesses want white knights. The white knight is no pushover and he\'s certainly not a jerk.

[Watcher]

Female point of view on this folks take good head of it it is very useful

http://www.theentertainmentcompany.nl/divas/ (\"http://www.theentertainmentcompany.nl/divas/\")

[a.k.a.]

I agree with the Redhead.
It’s not about scoring. It’s about happiness. And who’s going to want to make us happy if we treat everybody like [censored]?

I think the confusion lies with guys that think they’re nice by not hitting on women. Or by trying to be friends first.

[CptKipling]

Dont be a jerk, just be confident in yourself and know and respect your own boundries.

[Whitehall]

Well put, Red.

The concept of knighthood is worth exploring. The last few decades has seen the concept of manhood under attack by feminists and the politically correct crowd. The true virtues of a man\'s good character were worked out hundreds of years ago and are still true, properly applied, to being a man today.

Maybe we should have thread on the ethics of jerkdom. I just got a book on ethics at the store - I shop-lifted it.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

no, no. no! You LIBERATED it!

[Whitehall]

I make a joke - I did not steal it.

Guess it\'s time to rethink the old Yippie slogans.

[druid]

I agree with FTR. you have to be somewhere in the middle of a nice guy and a jerk. But it is hard to be a white knight in shinning armor when women shot chilivary in the chest sometime in the late 1960\'s. Is it dead? No, but it is in critical condition.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

My point is, is you feel called to be chivalrous, do it, whether anyone likes it or not. I\'m chivalrous. If that\'s something you admire and a quality you want to emulate, let your light shine. Whoever\'s meant to see it, will. Are women really so unappreciative of traditional masculine qualities? I suppose I have to take your word for it, if you insist, but it\'s hard to believe.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

i guess if you feel you like the person, you should want to do nice things for them, but there are women out there that expect it as the norm, they don\'t appreciate it.
Alot of womans ideas about romance is ME ME, what i think is romantic is not important and woman can\'t understand that.
its the 21st century i want a girl to be my knightess in shining armour.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Ahh... FTR. Where have you been all my (quite short so far!) life! /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

I think that what you describe is the classic and correct definition of a gentleman. Being a gentleman takes a lot more than just holding open doors for people. It\'s about how you think about yourself just as much as it is how you act around others. IMHO.

[proteus]

Interesting thread and I agree with much of what you wrote but I think it\'s not about \" to be or not to be a jerk \". Rather to me it\'s about \" to be an alpha or to be a doormat\" (aka chronic supplicator). And you can be an alpha without being what I define as a jerk - basically don\'t take any sh*t from any lady anytime - if she starts pulling any bs simply walk and don\'t look back.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I\'ve seen that, too, that many women are selfish and demanding of men in relationships.

How does a White Knightess act? What is she like?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

\"The true virtues of a man\'s good character were worked out hundreds of years ago and are still true, properly applied, to being a man today.\"
-Whitehall

This statement is so true. And Fulltilt you\'re 100% on point with this one. And another thing, if a chick goes in for jerks, trust me, she\'s got issues with self esteem and a lot of other things. You don\'t want to date her.

-The Bat