belgareth
07-06-2008, 10:52 AM
If you
remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your
eyes. These great questions and answers are
from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
spontaneous and clever, not scripted and
(often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking
the questions, of
course.
Q. Do
female frogs
croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold
their little heads
under water
long
enough.
Q.[/COLOR
][COLOR=#ff0000] If
you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you
be?
A.
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do
it.
Q.
You've been
having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don
Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q.
According
to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him
if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No;
wait until morning.
Q
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get
older?
A.
Charley Weaver: My sense of
decency.
Q. In
Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I
Love You'?
A.
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a
twenty.
Q.
What are
'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get
Enough'?!
A.
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Q. As
you grow
older, do you tend to gesture more or less with
your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me
one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a
gesture you'll never
forget.
Q.
Paul,
why do Hell's Angels wear
leather?
A. Paul Lynde:
Because
chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.
Charley,
you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during the first
year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of
course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q.
In bowling,
what's a perfect
score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph,
the pin boy.
Q. It
is considered
in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is
politics, what is the
other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape
measures.
Q. Can
boys join the
Camp Fire
Girls?
A. Marty Allen:
Only after lights out.
Q.
When you pat a
dog on its head he will wag his tail. What
will a goose do?
A.
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If
you were
pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul
Lynde:
Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q.
According to
Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people?
A. Charley
Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It
is the most
abused and neglected part of your body, what
is it?
A.
Paul
Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't
neglected.
Q.
Back in the old
days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish
on his head,
what
was he trying to do?
A.
George Gobel: Get it in his
mouth.
Q. Who
stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your
elephant?
A.
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q.
When a couple
have a baby, who is responsible for its
sex?
A. Charley Weaver:
I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q.
According to
Ann Landers, what are two things you should
never do in bed?
A.
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your
eyes. These great questions and answers are
from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
spontaneous and clever, not scripted and
(often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking
the questions, of
course.
Q. Do
female frogs
croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold
their little heads
under water
long
enough.
Q.[/COLOR
][COLOR=#ff0000] If
you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you
be?
A.
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do
it.
Q.
You've been
having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don
Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q.
According
to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him
if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No;
wait until morning.
Q
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get
older?
A.
Charley Weaver: My sense of
decency.
Q. In
Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I
Love You'?
A.
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a
twenty.
Q.
What are
'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get
Enough'?!
A.
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Q. As
you grow
older, do you tend to gesture more or less with
your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me
one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a
gesture you'll never
forget.
Q.
Paul,
why do Hell's Angels wear
leather?
A. Paul Lynde:
Because
chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.
Charley,
you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during the first
year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of
course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q.
In bowling,
what's a perfect
score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph,
the pin boy.
Q. It
is considered
in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is
politics, what is the
other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape
measures.
Q. Can
boys join the
Camp Fire
Girls?
A. Marty Allen:
Only after lights out.
Q.
When you pat a
dog on its head he will wag his tail. What
will a goose do?
A.
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If
you were
pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul
Lynde:
Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q.
According to
Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people?
A. Charley
Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It
is the most
abused and neglected part of your body, what
is it?
A.
Paul
Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't
neglected.
Q.
Back in the old
days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish
on his head,
what
was he trying to do?
A.
George Gobel: Get it in his
mouth.
Q. Who
stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your
elephant?
A.
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q.
When a couple
have a baby, who is responsible for its
sex?
A. Charley Weaver:
I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q.
According to
Ann Landers, what are two things you should
never do in bed?
A.
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.