Surreal
06-09-2007, 11:33 AM
Deep Thoughts: by Jack Handy
One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a
wooden stake.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm
using blanks.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that
gets old real fast.
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put
on my pants.
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be
something different.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it,
little friend.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if
he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
One thing
kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove
him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that
deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting
pretty late.
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about
getting more use out of the ones we already have.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate
revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
If
you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too,
because, come on, life is funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that
will really throw you into a panic.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just
woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
More deep thoughts by
Jack Handy. (http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm)
One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a
wooden stake.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm
using blanks.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that
gets old real fast.
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put
on my pants.
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be
something different.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it,
little friend.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if
he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
One thing
kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove
him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that
deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting
pretty late.
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about
getting more use out of the ones we already have.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate
revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
If
you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too,
because, come on, life is funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that
will really throw you into a panic.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just
woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
More deep thoughts by
Jack Handy. (http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm)