Bruce
04-21-2007, 05:48 PM
LETTER
FROM A HILLBILLY TO HIS SON
Dearest Son,
I'll write this nice an slow, 'cause I know you don't read
very fast. We don't live where we used to, you know. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20
miles of home, so we moved just to be on the safe side. I can't tell you the new address, 'cause the folks that
lived here before us took the house numbers with them when they left. I reckon they wanted to use the same address
at their new home.
The new house is really fancy. It even has a washing machine. I think somethin' might be
wrong with it though. We put a load of clothes in, pulled the chain and that's the last we seen of 'em. We tried
it a buncha times. Finally we done run outta clothes and had to give up.
The weather ain't bad here either.
It only rained twice last week; first time fer three days and the second time fer four days.
'Member that
coat you wanted me to send? Yer Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on,
so we cut 'em off. I put 'em in the pocket fer ya, so's you can put 'em back on later.
Bubba locked his
keys in the car yesterday, and it took us an hour to open the damn thang. Lucky I was in the back seat at the time
or it mighta took us all day.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but we can't figure out if it's a boy or
a girl, so we don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother, by the
way.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some of the boys tried to pull him out but he managed
to fight them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off
the Mckenzie bridge in a pickup truck last week. Butch was drivin' and got out OK, but the other 2 in the back
couldn't get the tailgate down fast enough and drowned.
Your Father,
Dad
FROM A HILLBILLY TO HIS SON
Dearest Son,
I'll write this nice an slow, 'cause I know you don't read
very fast. We don't live where we used to, you know. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20
miles of home, so we moved just to be on the safe side. I can't tell you the new address, 'cause the folks that
lived here before us took the house numbers with them when they left. I reckon they wanted to use the same address
at their new home.
The new house is really fancy. It even has a washing machine. I think somethin' might be
wrong with it though. We put a load of clothes in, pulled the chain and that's the last we seen of 'em. We tried
it a buncha times. Finally we done run outta clothes and had to give up.
The weather ain't bad here either.
It only rained twice last week; first time fer three days and the second time fer four days.
'Member that
coat you wanted me to send? Yer Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on,
so we cut 'em off. I put 'em in the pocket fer ya, so's you can put 'em back on later.
Bubba locked his
keys in the car yesterday, and it took us an hour to open the damn thang. Lucky I was in the back seat at the time
or it mighta took us all day.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but we can't figure out if it's a boy or
a girl, so we don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother, by the
way.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some of the boys tried to pull him out but he managed
to fight them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off
the Mckenzie bridge in a pickup truck last week. Butch was drivin' and got out OK, but the other 2 in the back
couldn't get the tailgate down fast enough and drowned.
Your Father,
Dad