Mtnjim
09-20-2006, 11:52 AM
Got these from a
joke mailing list I'm on. They were so bad, I had to post them. :run:
GUY'S PICK-UP
LINES
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's
get you out of these wet
clothes.
Nice legs...what time do they open?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw
you checking out my package.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
Can I buy you a drink or do
you just want the money?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking
to
you.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have
you seen one?
I'm fighting
the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the
hell outta me.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you
all day long for a
quarter.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm
naked.
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
You might not be the best looking girl
here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I'd
walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your
tongue.
If it's
true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with
me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
F@#! me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga
Titsbottom?
Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
My name is Austin ...
remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by
again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M
cute."
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle
me anytime you want to.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
If you were
the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.
Wanna come over for some pizza
and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without
me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No..........? Can I???
Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see
myself in them.
I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.
joke mailing list I'm on. They were so bad, I had to post them. :run:
GUY'S PICK-UP
LINES
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's
get you out of these wet
clothes.
Nice legs...what time do they open?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw
you checking out my package.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
Can I buy you a drink or do
you just want the money?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking
to
you.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have
you seen one?
I'm fighting
the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the
hell outta me.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you
all day long for a
quarter.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm
naked.
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
You might not be the best looking girl
here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I'd
walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your
tongue.
If it's
true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with
me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
F@#! me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga
Titsbottom?
Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
My name is Austin ...
remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by
again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M
cute."
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle
me anytime you want to.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
If you were
the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.
Wanna come over for some pizza
and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without
me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No..........? Can I???
Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see
myself in them.
I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.