belgareth
08-03-2006, 02:23 PM
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married
typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want,
if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new
bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night
.....whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part
II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My
Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My
Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
M arriage (Part III)
Husband
(a doctor)! and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What
took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in
bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING,
TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very
proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of
her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as
well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her
husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON,
LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wif
e were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenl! y, the m an realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am "
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds
of contests.
**************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.
Typical macho man married
typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want,
if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new
bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night
.....whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part
II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My
Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My
Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
M arriage (Part III)
Husband
(a doctor)! and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What
took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in
bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING,
TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very
proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of
her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as
well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her
husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON,
LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wif
e were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenl! y, the m an realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am "
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds
of contests.
**************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.