MOBLEYC57
04-30-2006, 08:38 PM
May first read
...
:drunk: Disappearing Wife:drunk:
A man left for work one Friday
afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home,
Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting
his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said
to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could
see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
:think: WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, WILL YOU BE READY?:think:
A woman was helping her husband set up his
computer, and at a point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use
to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood
and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him 2 enter his password, he made it
obvious to his wife that he was keying in +PENIS+
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: "PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH"
:smite: DON’T FAIL THE TEST!:smite:
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks a bold question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I
do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you
remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married
again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful
look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible
groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with
hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the
proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my
golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit!!!"
:sick: A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire :sick:
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline
left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top
prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are
you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I
think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue.
I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis:
"Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll
phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde):
"Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who
Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a
Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you
the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and
you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara:
"Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple ..... It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie."
(hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or
play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play,
I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final
answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! -
You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your
hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a
celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, how in
God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a
clock.":trout:
"Monday Monday la la - la la la la
..."
...
:drunk: Disappearing Wife:drunk:
A man left for work one Friday
afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home,
Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting
his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said
to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could
see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
:think: WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, WILL YOU BE READY?:think:
A woman was helping her husband set up his
computer, and at a point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use
to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood
and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him 2 enter his password, he made it
obvious to his wife that he was keying in +PENIS+
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: "PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH"
:smite: DON’T FAIL THE TEST!:smite:
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks a bold question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I
do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you
remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married
again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful
look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible
groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with
hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the
proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my
golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit!!!"
:sick: A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire :sick:
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline
left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top
prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are
you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I
think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue.
I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis:
"Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll
phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde):
"Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who
Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a
Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you
the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and
you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara:
"Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple ..... It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie."
(hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or
play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play,
I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final
answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! -
You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your
hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a
celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, how in
God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a
clock.":trout:
"Monday Monday la la - la la la la
..."