View Full Version : Don't play games, it isn't worth all the trouble.
happyman
03-11-2006, 01:50 AM
I have been reading some posts here. Folks say, you gotta be hard to get, rare and leave em wanting
more, elusive at times. This puts me to mind of my one buddy from back home when we used to go out all the time
scouting chics. He was was too far with all this. We would go out and about and sometimes he would want to purposely
show up late, leave early, avoid certain places, not go somewhere two nights in a row because it may make him look
like a loser with no where eles to go. He would not call girls back till like the next day just to act, I don't
know, like he is busy doing other things or something. I have seen this approach and advice on here as well. Who has
time for all that? It just really isn't worth it. Why not be real?
-I say eh....I say, if you see a
chic....go work your way in. Be confident, smooth, and just rap to a chic about what ever. Why play games, you know.
It may take one time, two times, hell a month or so (just don't miss your window of opportunity) then just ask her
to do something with you. If she is interested she will probably go (but not 100% of the time).
If she says
no-
Give it a bit and ask her to go somewhere eles next time or whenever.
If she says no again maybe I
would ease up and let it ride. Or who knows. I knew a dude that would ask a girl out almost every day. She would say
no. Finally one day she went. Well guess what....now they are married. True Story. It all depends on the situation
and the feeling you get from it. There really are no rules. Do whatever is in your heart without exposing your heart
and being a gooey idiot.
But don't ever purposely not go somewhere, not call a chic back right away, just to
avoid what it may look like or in order to seem more rare or something.. Live your life. Be yourself and if you are
interested show interest without being too much over board with it. If she is not interested and it isn't worth
your time, or in your heart to pursue it just say screw it and keep doing your thing.
The way I see it no
matter WHAT a chic thinks, or acts like keep doing your thing, how you were going to do it, where you were going to
do it just as you would of anyway. Yes, you gotta be confident, hell even cocky, you gotta show her you the man
(without seeming over-board or like it is some big act), you know.... I am all for it and realize that 100%.
However: All this don't show up on time, don't go somewhere two nights in a row, don't call back right away, is
for phoneys and kids and really gets you no-where in the end.
Just my Opinion. Any input?
Happy
CptKipling
03-11-2006, 11:28 AM
First two questions:
Honestly, when you see a woman you like what are your immediate goals? What do you want? What do you REALLY want?
Name more than one if you like.
What really is being genuine? If a girl puts on make-up, is that being phony?
What about wearing pheromones? How about thinking about what you say before you say it?
I respect everything
that you said, but I can't help but feel that you are missing the point slightly.
I agree on this
though:
All this don't show up on time, don't go somewhere two nights in a row,
That's just weird.
Not calling right away can be a good thing though, ever seen "Swingers"? Check out the scene where Mike calls the
girl who he just got the number from.
In general, what you are suggesting is giving away all of your power in
the hope that she might like you. You might as well be telling us to gift wrap our balls, hand them to her and say,
"Please love me". At times I thought you were kidding; you honestly think that pursuing a woman for months before
she gives you anything (I'm NOT talking about sex) is normal?
And you actually contradict yourself, you say
that you SHOULDN'T play hard to get, but that you shouldn't expose you heart... What about if you or her think
that you love the other person really early, should you tell them?
Anyway, I'd be interested to read your
reply.
happyman
03-11-2006, 03:22 PM
I didn't mean don't show her
your heart as in "I'm in love with you" at this point. I mean, go with your heart, let her know you know you are
genuinely interested and want to get something going.
As far as calling right away I mean next day is fine.
My friend, the one you think is pretty wierd, would wait like a few days. That's fine, if your busy or feel you
need to let it simmer a bit but I think if you get a chics number on Saturday, calling Sunday some time is fine.
"Gift Wrapping Balls"........eh. Here we go again. It isn't about all that to me really. It is about being
real with you actions. If she is not interested, say cool then, no-problem, and keep going or doing your thing.
Waisting time playing hard to get is .....well a waist of time. I am not saying putting you balls on a chopping
block for her. I am not saying see my heart on my sleeve, this says I am nuts over you and wanna get anything going
I can. That is weak. And for the weak. Even if you do feel that way don't show it entirely. I am saying show
interest, make som e moves, and make a good attempt. If she responds well and is into it great. If she doesn't drop
her. Unless you feel she needs time.
And yes, there is another guy from my home town, that was into a chic
for like, months. At parties, at the bar. She really paid him no mind. she neer told him to buzz off. She just paid
him no mind really. Well his patience paid off. He eventually got her. This was like.....geez, a year or so.
So you know. He knew her, they spoke a little. She didn't give him much the time of day except Hi Brian,
how ya doin. She would have a casual conversation with him some without being rude. Everyone knew he was into her. I
KNOW she did too. She just seemed too busy for him or something. So you CAN work on a chic over long periods of
time. It just depends on the vibe.
The KEY is she never seemed bothered really, just never really, cared much
about it. If a chic seems bothered, then leave her be.
Bottum line is to go for it, without seeming needy.
Why waist time. Show interest and ask her to do something whenever. This hard to get stuff, eh. Just don't show her
you rely on her what-so-ever. Show her you'll live your life as you always have.
Clearing up my thoughts
for you?
Happy
belgareth
03-11-2006, 03:32 PM
Good thoughts happy man. I like
the way you approach things.
happyman
03-11-2006, 04:48 PM
Good thoughts
happy man. I like the way you approach
things.
__________________________________________________ __________
Why thank you.
You
know, I tried playing hard to get before. Many Times. Most of the time it back-fired. In the end we both were
playing hard to get....and getting no-where.
I think acting as if you are interested, but it isn't going to
ruin your entire day if she isn't is the route you wanna go. I mean, I would show some slight dissapointment. You
don't wanna make it seem like your searching for crayfish and you give the act like , no-welp no cray-fish under
that rock, next. You gotta make them feel they are more than a "number" or something. And you know, then do your
thing. Half the time they will come back and show interest in you. Thing is, it is just an interest based on you
moved your interests ele where and nothing major will become of it cause as soon as you show you are interested
again she will more than likely (not always) go the other way.
There is a better approach than playing the
hard to get thing, which is, in itself a game to me. It is being confident, real, and smooth, yet un-daunted and
un-scathed by a womens reactions in the end if she rejects your offer.
That is what being a Man is all about.
In time she may realise she is dealing with a man and choose you over some punk, or ass when she sees how you handle
it, or handle her rejection (likie I say you gotta show you a for a bit or at-least momentarily dissapointed at her
rejection to take you up on your offer, you can't act like "What yes or no. Ok it is no. Next. Just a numbers game
to me). Just don't be a baby about it. And this will save you so much time, and needless effort. And if it is gonna
happen, or she is interested in you at all it will.
****REMEMBER BOYS (and GIRLS): They gotta like YOU, for
being YOU, more over than all those other hard - to - get, this guy is a bad-boy, or I am confused because I don't
know what is up with him features.
And if she doesn't wanna be bothered with it. Fuck her, you know. lol
Seriously though.
Happy
belgareth
03-11-2006, 05:32 PM
That's pretty much the
approach and attitude I've been preaching for a long time and the one I take with people. It works, it's honest
and you don't have to worry about keeping everything sorted out.
Glad to see another person with that
approach.
Gegogi
03-11-2006, 06:15 PM
Sounds good if you're serious
about a relationship. I normally pursue that course. Nevertheless, sometimes you just want to be a brainless
smooth-talkin' dick and diddle women folk before sliding off into the night. Just don't forget you're merely
diddling and going nowhere fast. It's almost impossible to replace diddling with sincere courtin' and be treated
for real.
happyman
03-11-2006, 08:26 PM
Sounds good if
you're serious about a relationship. I normally pursue that course. Nevertheless, sometimes you just want to be a
brainless smooth-talkin' dick and diddle women folk before sliding off into the night. Just don't forget you're
merely diddling and going nowhere fast. It's almost impossible to replace diddling with sincere courtin' and be
treated for real.
__________________________________________________ ___________
No-No. Don't
get me wrong. Smooth talking is FANTASTIC. There is no other way to go about it Bro. You gotta be smooth. Without
acting like your Billy Dee Williams or something. Sure you can play a little, flirt, hold your-self till next time
before making a move. Hell that is what it is all about. You can't be all into her 110% and acting as if you are
trying to, I don't know, say, "court" this chic. That is stiff, and too 1940's or something. Talk the talk, flirt,
and if you are pretty darn sure you will see her again shortly maybe waiting to really make an advancement or asking
her out is best. It all depends how you wanna go about it.
You HAVE to go into a mode of confidence and
focus. Not so much on her, but on your goals in life, and your direction in life. They Pick up on that big time,
without you saying anything.
If you want to leave ittill next time because you think it will pay off do it.
If you think you better not waist any more time. Do it. It all depends on getting her, and what the best plan of
action is, given the particualr situation at hand.
But playing a game just to create a curtain of confusion
between you and her like not calling her back....or whatever is senseless.
See your interactions with a chic
has to be a nice mix on what your feeling, and what is going on around you two, and how she is
responding.
Take all those things into consideration and move on it. If it requires more patience....so be
it. If you feel like the time is right withing five minutes of meeting her....so be it.
But purposeful games
for nothing is, well, kinda immature at least in my eyes.
Happy
Gegogi
03-11-2006, 11:42 PM
For me smooth talkin' is a game.
It's acting and not the real me. Creating a persona for the occasion. Dazzle them with BS. Is it immature? Not
really. I do it in the professional world too. Act, walk and smell like a pro even though you know you're a hack.
It gets you brownie points and promotions. If I really said what I want she'd hit the bricks fast: 'listen honey,
I'm a perv and wanta lick your armpits, mow your lawn and beat your bushes." Now I have vocalized my true
intentions (while under a controlled substance) a few times and got reactions ranging from wild laugher to a 100
yard dash. Not very effective when you're merely looking for a good time and avoiding sincere communication and
substance.
Of course you have to be extremely confident to pull off such "games" and be a skilled actor. I
don't do it as much as I used except at work--I act like a learned scholar everyday although I'm just a perv. It
takes a lot of energy to kept up the charade.
"listen honey, I'm a perv and wanta
lick your armpits, mow your lawn and beat your bushes."
excellent!
thanks for the laugh, thats the funniest
thing I've read for a while...
happyman
03-12-2006, 12:57 AM
For me smooth
talkin' is a game. It's acting and not the real me. Creating a persona for the occasion. Dazzle them with BS. Is
it immature? Not really. I do it in the professional world too. Act, walk and smell like a pro even though you know
you're a hack. It gets you brownie points and promotions. If I really said what I want she'd hit the bricks fast:
'listen honey, I'm a perv and wanta lick your armpits, mow your lawn and beat your bushes." Now I have vocalized
my true intentions (while under a controlled substance) a few times and got reactions ranging from wild laugher to a
100 yard dash. Not very effective when you're merely looking for a good time and avoiding sincere communication and
substance.
Of course you have to be extremely confident to pull off such "games" and be a skilled actor. I
don't do it as much as I used except at work--I act like a learned scholar everyday although I'm just a perv. It
takes a lot of energy to kept up the
charade.
__________________________________________________ ____________
Well...., lol that is
MAYBE what you might pull if the vibe was right.
But, you know, trouble is, 9 out of 10 chics don't wanna hear
it from that approach. A few here and again, but the over-welming majority do not want to be talked to like that. At
least not when just meeting them.
So. You gotta kinda go with the vibe, and talk the talk. Sure be yourself
dude....just BE SMOOTH. See being smooth isn't so much like sayin "hey sugar, hows that drink treaten ya. Maybe we
can hook up for a min and discuss matters"
It is saying what you normally would, with a sure, confident tone,
and flirting a little on the edges. Say what you normally would. Just treat it a little smoother. that's all. Thats
no game really. That is just talkin to them like they want to be talked to. But, you know keep being yourself all
through that, just be confident, flow, and flirt aroun the edges. That's all smooth talkin is Bro.
Happy
Gegogi
03-12-2006, 01:55 AM
I think you completely missed my
point. Of course you can't say anything that pops in your head. Duh. That's why I said it doesn't normally work
and only an intoxicated idiot would bother to try. Although I must say I occasionally enjoy doing it merely to
observe the shocked look on their face.
As a professional musician I long ago learned to quickly turn my
emotions, or at least outward expressions of emotion, on and off in front of crowds. You read the audience and give
them what they want. Successful human interactions require much the same sort of skills. Who you are and what you
feel doesn't matter if you talk the talk and walk the walk. You learn to play the game and cop the role. Nothing
wrong with that. I do it all the time on stage, in the classroom, in meetings and on the street. You are acting a
role designed to draw specific reactions whether it be amorous, social or professional. Being yourself--a stinky,
lazy, beer guzzling hornytoad--doesn't cut for most folks (hide it until after marriage). And, yes, these daily
acting sessions are a game. It's called life. We learn when it is approproate to act funny, hostile, polite, holy,
kind or loving. And we usually do these things whether we feel like it ot not. If you're better at it you get
further down the road of success.
And "talkin to them like they want to be talked to" sounds like
salesmanship and acting just as much as walking with a swagger, pretending to be cocky 'n confident, vocalizing a
macho timbre, dropping names or flashing bling. You play the game to impress in order to achieve a certain result,
e.g., ass, validation, fear, etc. It works well for me both professionally, socially and sexually. And I don't know
any successful men that haven't mastered acting; that is, a deliberate and focused presentation of their desired
persona.
MOBLEYC57
03-12-2006, 07:24 AM
Mobleys thoughts: Happy, anytime
you change anything that's normal for you and it has to do with dealing with a feline ... you're playing a GAME.
Kind of like a man or woman that has more than one lover, and they're out talking about how they are RUNNING
things. Anytime YOU have to change your schedule or do things out of your norm/program ... you're NOT running
things, you're getting run. :POKE:
Your example above ... asking a woman out and she says NO. No means no, but
you ask again some other day = playing the HOPE SHE CHANGES HER MIND GAME. It's all playing GAMEs ... you're just
trying to give it/make it fit YOUR definition.
This is just Mobley's thought on the subject. Now ... What's
really bothering you? :think:
DrSmellThis
03-12-2006, 03:41 PM
Any time you can be coming
from a real place on something, you've "won the game" and can quit "playing".
bronzie
03-12-2006, 03:54 PM
there are 2 ways to approach
things with women, first is seduction, it works, and gets you the piece you want, when i say piece i mean the
gorgeous woman that you desire. secondly thier is the approach that happyman is suggesting, and be yourself whatever
the circumstances.
fact is, happyman is right, although the first approach, you call it games, i call it
seduction through technique will get you the woman, the spell will wear off, ive done it to many girls and the spell
does wear off and it can backlash on your self esteem when you keep on getting dumped with women that you have
seduced, and it hurts, as many a man can attest. What happyman suggests is , this is who I am, this is what you get,
this is what i am about, if you dont like it, then please dont waste my time because it will not last, and will just
cause both suffering in the end. I agree with happyman, but for one thing, you have to adapt to each woman that you
meet, otherwise you will not understand each other and again it will not last, this does not mean that you have to
play games or lie or manipulate, just simple respect.
i have read david deida works and books, he is on the
same path as what happyman says, and differs from what some of the pick up gurus say you have to do inorder to score
and be successful with women.
happyman
03-13-2006, 03:58 AM
there are 2 ways
to approach things with women, first is seduction, it works, and gets you the piece you want, when i say piece i
mean the gorgeous woman that you desire. secondly thier is the approach that happyman is suggesting, and be yourself
whatever the circumstances.
fact is, happyman is right, although the first approach, you call it games, i
call it seduction through technique will get you the woman, the spell will wear off, ive done it to many girls and
the spell does wear off and it can backlash on your self esteem when you keep on getting dumped with women that you
have seduced, and it hurts, as many a man can attest. What happyman suggests is , this is who I am, this is what you
get, this is what i am about, if you dont like it, then please dont waste my time because it will not last, and will
just cause both suffering in the end. I agree with happyman, but for one thing, you have to adapt to each woman that
you meet, otherwise you will not understand each other and again it will not last, this does not mean that you have
to play games or lie or manipulate, just simple respect.
i have read david deida works and books, he is on
the same path as what happyman says, and differs from what some of the pick up gurus say you have to do inorder to
score and be successful with
women.
__________________________________________________ ____________
Thank you for your input.
Yeah, I mean, you can seduce in your OWN way. If you are a silly type of guy, be a little silly with it. If you are
a macho type of guy, be kinda macho with it. If you are a serious type of dude, try and put a serious spin with
your approach. Be yourself, be confident, smooth, and handle it YOUR way is all. They will know where you are coming
from.
Now big question for me:
Is there a difference between actually "seducing" a woman verses
picking a women up /hitting on them? I suppose there is now that I am reading it. I never knew there was a
difference. I thought they all entailed the same elements. But am I getting the idea they are two entiely different
approaches and techniques? I never, and still don't, know how to seduce. I just try and get a conversation started,
play around and flirt a little, talk, ask questions, and throw in some humor, and some flirting and if she is into
it, I guess shoot for her number or ask to go somewhere or something along that approach method. I just have fun
with it in that aspect of approaching, with out seeming like you know, it is too rehearsed, if I can help it. I like
to have fun with it. This is kinda how I have always done it. I don't act like yeah this is all in a night out, who
knows, or anything but I am you know, not too serious. I just talk. About what-ever. I never think to give hidden
inuendo's or subliminal messages to what I am saying. I will make a little joke here and again if something sexual
comes up, and flirt a little about something sexual but I never really try and have anything too hidden between the
lines. I am fairly confident with it all and that is what I do. That is all I ever have done. I thought this was all
you had to do. It is natural for me. That is my approach. Having, the "what you see is what you get approach"
with-out seeming too ...., you know, flat out.... here is my chart on the type of person I am. But I will admit it
IS direct. Very direct. I don't act ashamed or timid with who I am or what I am about AT ALL. But, in being honest,
Nine times out of ten it really doesn't go anywhere after that initial night we met and I got the number. A good
half or at-least a third of the time they will give me their number. Not all but a good percentage there. But then
when I call it seems they are not interested and do not act quite like they did when I initially met them.
Am I missing the real deal?
Happyman
KeepItReal
03-13-2006, 08:22 PM
Personally I think all
"beautiful" women are playing their own games ..... so you have to play yours just to have any chance ....
:)
However, what you talk about can and does work with the lesser attractive variety .....but who wants those
!! :D
Gegogi
03-13-2006, 11:24 PM
Personally I think all
"beautiful" women are playing their own games ..... so you have to play yours just to have any chance
....
Gaming is part of being human. Even lower mammals play games with one another and other species. My
cat loved to catch birds, turn them loose only to swoop down on them again. He wasn't hungry but greatly enjoyed
the tease, torture and exercise. Humans are no different. I love to flirt and tease women but usually have no
intention of going any further. It keeps the chops sharp, is fun and strokes your ego. Attractive women can get away
with a lot more than me, but that's how life is. You just need to learn when to draw the line and walk away when it
ain't fun anymore.
bronzie
03-14-2006, 08:20 AM
Personally I
think all "beautiful" women are playing their own games ..... so you have to play yours just to have any chance ....
:)
However, what you talk about can and does work with the lesser attractive variety .....but who wants those
!! :D
dude, I dont believe this to be true, often you will find very attractive women, almost a 10,
model material with guys who are just very average looking, and they dont go for thier money, fact is this, women in
this day and age have been lied too, mainpulated and sh*t talked by so many guys in thier past, and im talking about
beautiful women here, that once they find a MAN, and i say man because a real man is true stright, that once they
find this genuine Man they will stick to him because they feel secure in what he is.
Its natural Law, just as
the sun rises and sets everyday, if you lie, play games, manipulate the same will come back to you, its called
Karma. You will either get dumped or will lead a very unhappy life with the girl you do this too.
I am not
saying dont flirt and act as your god given right in courtship, but do not go against the natural law to "win" with
lies etc some prize that you want out of delusion, and for the sake of some power trip and to quench your sexual
desires. It simply doesnt lead to a happy ending for you.
I have seen many a guy, hot shot in his youth,
successful with woman in thier 30s unhappy and hitting the bottle as a form of escape from all the deception they
did, your conciounse gets you in the end, so does Karma.
Just what i believe in...
fingers
03-15-2006, 09:48 AM
I'm a
closet beginner Love-Scent Member.
A womans first response isn't always true. Especially to her. She may have
been thinking about neutering her beloved cat when you approached her, and that has affected her answer. Never
assume that a woman says no the first time because of what you said. I tend to follow the 3 strike rule.
You just need to learn when to draw the line and walk away when it ain't fun anymore.
I
think this is the point where we all should aim to be at. Most approaches fail because the woman can sense the
neediness in the man. Most men psych themselves up before they approach a woman like its a hard thing to do.
Probably beforehand you've already considered what they looked like naked, what they'd be like as a girlfriend,
what your mother would think of her, etc. Whatever.
If you approach a woman from a place of being neutral about the experience, and being honest
with her about your interests/feelings, you'll be a thousand times better off than most other men.
Besides a man that is
capable of first approaching a woman, making their interest known, and then making the decision to walk away, is
completely different to most men a woman is likely to meet in her life.
phersurf
03-15-2006, 10:58 AM
there are 2 ways
to approach things with women, first is seduction, it works, and gets you the piece you want, when i say piece i
mean the gorgeous woman that you desire. secondly thier is the approach that happyman is suggesting, and be yourself
whatever the circumstances.
fact is, happyman is right, although the first approach, you call it games, i
call it seduction through technique will get you the woman, the spell will wear off, ive done it to many girls and
the spell does wear off and it can backlash on your self esteem when you keep on getting dumped with women that you
have seduced, and it hurts, as many a man can attest. What happyman suggests is , this is who I am, this is what you
get, this is what i am about, if you dont like it, then please dont waste my time because it will not last, and will
just cause both suffering in the end. I agree with happyman, but for one thing, you have to adapt to each woman that
you meet, otherwise you will not understand each other and again it will not last, this does not mean that you have
to play games or lie or manipulate, just simple respect.
i have read david deida works and books, he is on
the same path as what happyman says, and differs from what some of the pick up gurus say you have to do inorder to
score and be successful with women.
If being yourself means being the needy, wussy guy, that
suplicates himself to attractive women that most men these days are, I'll take "playing games" all day
long!
The only thing is, I don't consider the teasing, cocky-funny, confident way I deal with women, playing
games. When I first started using these "techniques", they didn't feel like me and I really had to push myself to
try them. Now, they're so integrated into my being, they are me.
When a person first learns any new skill,
it doesn't feel like "themselves" until they integrate it. Even the most natural looking athelete had to learn
their skills and integrate them, and until they did, they didn't feel natural.
One MAJOR point that most
people don't consider is that humans, like every other animal on the planet, have an evolved mating dance. The
human mating dace is not as clearly defined as other animals, but one thing is sure, the man has to display his
status, intelligence, wit, fighting ability, athletic prowess, or creativity (all signs of good genes and alpha
behavior), and NOT be a needy wimp!.
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