PDA

View Full Version : Trick or Treat!!!!!



MOBLEYC57
10-29-2005, 07:02 AM
A REAL SOUTHERN BELL!! :cheers:

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one

Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.



He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up

the collection, the man leaned forward and said,"Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"



"Why Yes, that would be nice," the lady

responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't

believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South

Carolina.

When they sat down, the gentleman

looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"



"Oh, no," said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood,

"What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, our gentleman was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a

pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no!," said the woman "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did."



Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they

left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.



He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so

he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh, mmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"



"Sure, that would be nice," she said in

anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe

his ears, and did a fast U turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in.



The next morning after a wild and passionate

night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse

thought, "What have I done?

He shook her awake

and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"



The lady said, "The same thing I always tell

them. 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time'.

NO ONE'S AVAILABLE!!? :rasp:

This is the true

story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left

the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn

off the light but saw that there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.



He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said

no, but explained the situation. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door

and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay,"

hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello I just

called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now

cause I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five

minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence. Of course,

the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen

said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George

said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

KID 'S TUFF!!

:run:



How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique

Up On It.
How Do You Catch a Tame

Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.



How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho

Path.




How Do You

Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.



What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?


Dam!




What Do

Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids.




What Do

You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.




What Do

You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.



What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate

Clauses.

What Do You Call Four

Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..




What Do

You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.



What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous

Wreck.




What's

The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.



Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big

Fingers.




Why Don't

Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.



What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.






What Is

The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.




Why Did

Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their

Hat.




What's

The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack,

Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang!

Whack.




How Are

a TexasTornado And a TennesseeDivorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A

Trailer.


LITTLE

JOHNNY'S GIRL! :rant:



[

/color]
[color=black]Little Johnny took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great

seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really

liked it," she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they

were killing each other for 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, Little Johnny asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw

them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "'Get the

quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Hel-LLLO...it's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was a

whole DOLLAR!!!?"

FATHER -vs- SON :blink:

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too

much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his

schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United

States."

Numanoid
10-30-2005, 07:03 AM
Those are pretty funny, and

that Southern Bell joke looks famliar...:D