Resistant Man

[wendi]

Question: What mone

should you use if some of them like The Edge for Women and Passion for Women, PCC roll on and Andro. doesn't seem

to work on the man. I am trying to get more attention and notice from my husband of 6 years and these things I have

tried, he seems to be immune to. I am 32, attractive and it seems I am trying to revive the dead! Any help out

there?

[Gegogi]

I was just reading on cnn that

libido problems in marriage are more common than most think. 54% of women report problems after about 3 years of

marriage. The number was lower for men (I think 32%). They also mentioned most suffer in silence. I guess almost

everybody needs a little help in this area.

For most men, the visual aspect of sexuality is a major turn-on,

especially if they involve change and surprise. For example, coming home to find my woman naked and wildly

masturbating on the couch. Now that got little willie to stand at attention every dad burn time. Call him at work

while getting yourself off will remind him of what's to come later. Maybe surprise him with a porn movie rental.

Sexy outfits help, "forgetting" to wear panties with a short skirt while shopping, fingering yourself in the car

(with him driving of course), JBs in movie theaters, etc. My last GF did all of the above and more and kept me hard

23 hours a day. Combine the above with pheromones and you just might raise the dead.

[Big M]

Gegogi You hit the nail on the

head ( no pun intended). Often women are quick to blame the man in there life for a sleepy sex life so to speak,

When it is the women that hold much of the power in keeping sex life burning hot .

[Gegogi]

Well, it takes two to tango, so

it's 50/50 as far as both blame and responsibility. More often than not it's a failure to communicate your needs

that brings on the chill factor. You expect them to just "know" but it usually doesn't work that way. However, if

one takes the lead the other will usually loosen up and get in the groove. While pheromones might help, the direct

hands-on and show 'n tell approach is far more effective.

[wendi]

I think I will try the above.

Thanks for the advice. It is strange though that like was mentioned about communication that I would be the one who

is ready to communicate and my husband doesn't think things like that need to be discussed or ever mentioned at

all. He is not the one to take the lead so I guess I will have to and try harder.

[NaughtieGirl]

I think I will

try the above. Thanks for the advice. It is strange though that like was mentioned about communication that I would

be the one who is ready to communicate and my husband doesn't think things like that need to be discussed or ever

mentioned at all. He is not the one to take the lead so I guess I will have to and try harder.

Hmmm in

my opinion most men are less enclined to "talk things out" than women are. Men are into action and finding

solutions. But they don't particularly care to talk about it.

If the suggestions below feel a little too

radical, you could try:
- a new haircut
- a new sexy outfit

Just stuff that is somehow "different" (not your

usual self) and makes you feel good about yourself by the same token.

Or... give him the Victoria's Secret

Catalogue and tell him you would like his opinion on what to buy :lol: Very revealing! (No pun intended!)

[MOBLEYC57]

G & Michael gets an "A" if you

ask me, BUT ...

Marriage is definitely a job. Mobley thinks that most libido problems in marriage are mental. It

takes a very strong mind to not get BORED. Mobley thinks that once BORDEM enters the mind, things die, and it's

very hard to strengthen a weak mind. So to you, Madam, I say, exaust each and every idea that comes to mind, for it

sounds obvious that you care and are missing out on that spark you're in need of. Once you've tried everything and

nothing works, understand that it's not personal ... it has nothing to do with you. A dead horse is a dead

horse, and there is nothing you can do about it ... except, make horse burgers. :rant:

As for mones, I would

suggest that you get the ladies version of AE and SOE (freebees on Wednesday), and give them a serious test run.



Mobley's 1.5 cents worth of before his morning workout thoughts.:think:

Sometimes you win, sometimes you

learn. Who said that!!? :think:

[belgareth]

Mobley,

for an old man,

your pretty smart.

Wendi,

That's good advice he gave you. Is this something that happened suddenly or was

it something that has been building over time? If it happened suddenly, can you pinpoint the time/events? Boredom

can set in and is most often the cause but sometimes there was some particular thing that set him off. Look around,

how does he act. Does he have a problem with you in general or is it only sex? How does he respond to other women?

If you can't get him to talk to you, maybe you could get him to talk to somebody else? A counselor or something

like that?

[DUKE3100]

You both need to shake things

up...there is always hope for that....you may not be able to have every day be unpredictable or different...but why

not 1 day a week or month?

[wendi]

Well it is nothing that happened

overnight. It has been over time. We have children too, so I know that makes things harder to get time together,

but I believe that time for each other is a must. You have to make time for it like getting a haircut...

Sexy

outfits don't really do much for him. The above wild things mentioned don't do it for him either. He says he

would be in the mood when he is able to just relax with me. However what he says and does when the time rolls

around that we could relax, he doesn't seem to want to get in the mood. He does notice pretty women like walking

by etc. although he denies it.

Sometimes I think maybe I am trying to hard. Maybe if I forget about it and

don't act interested in him, it would work in reverse and maybe then he would be the chaser.

[belgareth]

One thing I've always tried to

practice is holidays from the kids, house etc. Take a weekend, leave the kids with a sitter and go someplace. It can

help. You may be onto something about backing off and making him do the chasing too. Keep in mind that can backfire

so be careful about it.

Even if he won't, have you talked to anybody about it? Mones are not a silver bullet

and if there is a problem you need to find out what it is so you can fix it. The only way to figure out what his

problem is will be to get him to talk to you.

[Gegogi]

Wendi writes, "Sexy

outfits don't really do much for him. The above wild things mentioned don't do it for him either. He says he would

be in the mood when he is able to just relax with me. However what he says and does when the time rolls around that

we could relax, he doesn't seem to want to get in the mood."

Too bad, those types of things really

get my motor running. Unfortunately my exwife refused to do any of them so eventually I had no lead in my

pencil.

We can only guess with so little informaton, but if you've been trying and he doesn't respond,

obviously there is something else wrong. Some combination of children, stress from work, declining health and

marital complacency may be to blame. Does he work out? Is he overweight? By the early to mid 30s men can really go

downhill if they don't watch their diet and exerise.

Finally--and I hate to mention it--have you considered

there may be something or someone else in his life? I've known a lot of guys that got tangled up with drugs or

other women and slowly let their home life die (happened twice in my immediate family). The wife usually doesn't

doesn't have a clue until things have really gone south.

[koolking1]

probably more important

before marriage rather than after is getting to know the other person's sexual inclinations. What, after all, is

his main fantasy? Would you be willing to fulfill it?

[wendi]

Well, he is in his mid 30's and

he is not obese but he is a little fatter in the middle than he would like to be and he has just started a diet to

lose weight. However I have thought about the possiblility that there could be someone else in his life, a secret

life on the side or that maybe stress, work, children, etc.... is making him feel old and not in the mood for

anything.

In reply to the last post, he is somewhat not normal as he has no sexual inclinations, no fantasies

whatsoever. I would be willing to fulfill his fantasies if he had any, but he is I think like an Amish man in that

department.

[Gegogi]

Wendi writes, "... is

somewhat not normal as he has no sexual inclinations, no fantasies whatsoever."
That's a pretty tough

pill to shallow. Mayhaps he just hasn't let on for one reason or another. I've kept most of my fantasies from my

lovers due to certain trust and judgement issues. Even Amish men are horny toads. Look at all the kids they

make...

[ohmmmm]

Almost every man has fantasies, I

mean its just natural to have them. Perhaps the hubby has some ones that he brought up before, but they were really

wierd and you kinda laughed at them. That will shut up a guy real fast and for a long time.

I like the advice

about showing him a victoria's secrete catalog and asking him what looks best on you.

One thing that works for

me is when I take the wife out for a drink at a bar. But thats probably just me. Somehow you have to get the

fantasies out of him. A lot of guys might have a stash of porn hiding. Or maybe he has some secret web sites he

visits. See if you can uncover his fantasies that way. There is likely to be a certain theme....could be the theme

of the month or a long time fantasy.

Other than that, I don't know what to say. I hope he wakes up for you.

[MOBLEYC57]

Sounds like, to me, time has

taken its toll on yer man. Life is so strange, but I think it gets stranger as the generation changes. Sounds like

you're doing all the work, Madam W. I, personally, don't believe in 50-50, except in effort.

Listen to

all the advice you want, but no one can judge anyone unless you are in their shoes, which is impossible.



Everyone has a fantasy ... some can control their thoughts, some can't. 30-year old young pup!!!! Please! Unless

there's a real health problem, I'd bet my penny that he's let boredom set in. I don't care who it is, if two

people are not mentally strong, relationships/marriage don't/won't work ... they'll just end up like so many

others .... unhappy & settling & fantasizing about the pool boy/maid to remain sane.

As before,

don't give up, and don't take him not being able to put it back like it was, personal. It really has nothing to do

with you. It's so ugly trying to make something work when you're the only one working at it. Been there, done

that, got a t-shirt, and I'm currently using it as a dusting rag.

God's speed.

[koolking1]

I would second the motion

that all males have a fantasy occasionally or more likely nearly all the time, laughing here cause it's every 14

seconds I think. Male fantasies generally tend towards two divergent scenarios. The first is the ever-popular

3-some with another woman, the most widely held male fantasy. In 2nd place comes domination of women. This

sometimes also involves 3-somes with 2 men and one women. Or, more commonly, a woman is in some sort of restrained

situation. Naturally, there are many other fantasies but they are so diverse and of low percentages overall.



You could cheat on him but that's not a great solution to the overall problem.

You could both go to

therapy. I hear that usually leads to divorce. (not a politically correct statement on my part but supposedly

true).

You could drag him out to a strip club and see how he feels about that and if it gets him in the

mood.

You could invite one of your better looking friends over and after she leaves say something like, "hmm,

I could almost go for her if the 3 of us could do it" and see his reaction to that. (a bit ballsy but it might

work) or you could say to him, "gee, I had the nicest dream last night, your buddy "Joe" had come over and we all

wound up in bed together".

You could broach the idea of "swinging" to him and see what he thinks about

that.

You could do a lot of things but all of them are difficult to contemplate. But, you do have to do

something for your own sake of self.

I wish you the best of luck.

[MOBLEYC57]

I would second

the motion that all males have a fantasy occasionally or more likely nearly all the time, laughing here cause it's

every 14 seconds I think. Male fantasies generally tend towards two divergent scenarios. The first is the

ever-popular 3-some with another woman, the most widely held male fantasy. In 2nd place comes domination of women.

This sometimes also involves 3-somes with 2 men and one women. Or, more commonly, a woman is in some sort of

restrained situation. Naturally, there are many other fantasies but they are so diverse and of low percentages

overall.

You could cheat on him but that's not a great solution to the overall problem.

You could both go

to therapy. I hear that usually leads to divorce. (not a politically correct statement on my part but supposedly

true).

You could drag him out to a strip club and see how he feels about that and if it gets him in the mood.



You could invite one of your better looking friends over and after she leaves say something like, "hmm, I could

almost go for her if the 3 of us could do it" and see his reaction to that. (a bit ballsy but it might work) or you

could say to him, "gee, I had the nicest dream last night, your buddy "Joe" had come over and we all wound up in bed

together".

You could broach the idea of "swinging" to him and see what he thinks about that.

You could do

a lot of things but all of them are difficult to contemplate. But, you do have to do something for your own sake of

self.

I wish you the best of luck.

Nice advice, Koolest of Kings! But, as with everything else your

advice is great for OPEN MINDED people, and from reading about him, it doesn't sound like he's open minded. And if

he isn't, it could make matters worse, even though it sounds as if it's at its peak. But as usual, she doesn't

want to give up, and shouldn't.

I always say, "when enough becomes enough, one will cut the rope."

I too,

with her the best of luck. Everyone deserves to be happy. :lovestruc

[Big M]

He may have a a low sex drive ,

Which couyld be medical or mental . There is some good natural products out there to try such as Yohimbi . He maybe

having an affair so his energy and thaughts are elsewear get my drift.

[belgareth]

Wendi

You got some good

advice here. The most important thing is communication, you guys need to figure out what the problem is. If there is

a medical problem it should be addressed by a real doctor. Herbs and supplements help but can mask or aggravate a

severe problem too. If the problem is mental, the only solution is to get it out in the open. If he can't/won't

talk to you, get help. If he won't seek help with you, see if he'll go by himself. If that doesn't work, you

should go talk to somebody. A good marraige therapist can give you lots of good advice.

It is possible that

whatever the problem will turn out to be unresolvable for either medical or psychological reasons. In that case you

need to consider your options with the help of an impartial third party.

Whatever you do I wish you all the

luck in the world. You are in a really difficult situation.

[DrSmellThis]

The theme here is not knowing

what the central issue is. Working on that is where effort will pay off, starting with lots of communication.

[NaughtieGirl]

The

theme here is not knowing what the central issue is. Working on that is where effort will pay off, starting with

lots of communication.

Ay, there's the rub - He actively resists communicating! :frustrate

[belgareth]

That's the reasons for my

suggestions. If she can't get him to talk she needs somebody who can help her. Continuing to allow him to refuse to

talk is only going to make matters worse. Talking could too but the lack of talking is guaranteed to do it.

[DrSmellThis]

Relationship communication

skills is the thing that couples counseling works best for.

Practically speaking, this is a general relationship

issue, then, moreso than a sexual one.

[tim929]

I usualy find myself talking to

men with these issues but I figured I would throw my two cents in along with everyone else.

While pheromones

*might* help,there is the underlying issue of communication to deal with.And getting guys to talk when they dont

want to is a real chore.Stress is a major cause of loss of interest.And when men start reaching thier mid thirties

things very often dont work quite as easily as they did when we were twenty.I had an issue like that and found that

there are a variety of supliments that help increase libido...and some of them actualy work.Belgareth is right

though about seeing a doctor if that is the problem.You dont want to mask something more serious with home

remedies.Not knowing the stress issue in his life I am at a loss to address that, but I know that if he is up with

the rising sun and home in time to see the street lights come on,he realy needs an opportunity to sit back and

relax.For that I recomend learning the art of massage.A gentle but firm massage is a great way to loosen someone up

while at the same time...done properly...getting them in a somewhat more sexual mood.

I would explore Gegogi's

recomendation of wearing something sexy to bed.Men may initialy not respond to that but our little brains cant stay

off the subject of sex too long when there is a half naked woman in the bed right next to us.Another possibility to

consider is communicating your need for intimacy(like how I steered around using the word "sex"?) without actualy

comming out and saying it.Curling up in his lap and purring for example...body language,eye contact,a devious and

seductive smile and so forth.Seduce him the way you did when you were just dating.Women have a real knack for

turning men on with a look,but for some reason they stop doing it after a few years.My ex-girlfriend could melt cold

rolled steel plate with her smile if she wanted to.

But with all this and all the other great advice,its

important not to make him feel like your putting any presure on him.He may be having issues with his libido and may

be feeling extremely sensative about them.So it is a subject best approached delicately.Dr.Smell This has recomended

counseling.And if he is agreeable to that,go for it.Counseling is a great way to keep things on the right track,or

from going off the track.And sometimes the best counseling we can get is from our family doctor.If he is having a

medical issue,his doctor can help.

Thats all for now...Im sure you have heard enough of my free advice.

[dolly]

Ok, so now we've gone through all

of the relationship fixes.....and the relationship should be fixed first, that's for sure. But, if you're still

looking for some phero advice for the sexual arena with your man, let me give you mine, as I have been in a similar

situation.

--When I wear a nol/rone combo if we're just hanging out watching a movie or whatever, most men

will go to sleep on me. It makes them feel very relaxed and comfortable. Therefore, with men that I already know,

I try to steer away from SOE unscented or the like. This has happened to me with 4 different boyfriends, including

my current fiancee.

--The one thing that will wake them up is copulins. PCC never works for me....it seems

to be too weak. I take EW and mix it strong. I mix it with an oil-based fragrance (don't use one with alcohol, as

EW doesnt seem to cover as well with them). My favorites are vanilla and musk, or a blend of the two. I mix in a

10-ml bottle, 3mls EW to 7 mls fragrance. When you first put it on, you can smell the EW, but after about 5 mins,

the EW smell fades.

This works every time for me!! I gave some to a friend of mine....she and her husband

had not had sex for over 8 months.....she put on some of this, and they had a wonderful time!!!

Please do get

your other relationship issues resolved, but if the sex and passion part needs a little "kick", try out my mix.

[luxveritas]

Before I ever became a

pheromone user I realized that I was affected by female pheromones. My girlfriend left a necklace at my house and

its scent was intoxicating. I dated a russian girl who never wore antiperspirant and even though the smell was a

little musky, I was nearly psycho around her. There have been a few other situations where I have noticed the effect

before I started using them myself.

I know that pheromones are effective however it only seems to effect me when

I am not getting any solo or otherwise. Perhaps your husband is squeezing off because it is easier that trying to

set the mood wrangle the kids and have alone time. If you can exercise together it will raise both of your sex

drives stave off some of the winter blues and give you an excuse to spend time together.

[tim929]

I had a simmilar experience with

a girl I dated in high school.She left a sweater at my house and the fragrance of it was absolutly

captivating.Later...recently in fact,a woman that I was seeing spent the night at my home and the place where she

slept had some kind of evil power over me...The fragrance she left behind was very faint and delicate...but I

couldnt get enough of it.It drove me absolutly insane.Not just lustfuly insane...it actual made me feel somewhat

lonely without her there.

Yes...I admit its somewhat strange...but still...

[bosshank]

I concur with DrSmellThis and

Belgareth - communication is central. If he will not coomunicate on his own then getting help to reopen that

critical channel is warranted. Just do not make it a "fault" thing if you broach the subject. Once you have the

communication, everything else will fall into its place, whatever that may turn out to be.
Also - I feel less

"sexy" when I add on an extra 10 lbs but until recently would have been too "macho" to admit it.