As The World Turns!

[MOBLEYC57]

"UNTIL DEATH DO WEES PART!"



My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I

have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10

days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54

times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot -

18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26

times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the

late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You

had to go to the bathroom - 19 times


Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always

satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4

times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and

once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to

improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby :frustrate

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I

think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past

year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36

times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19

times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet

seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21

times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11

times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book

- 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed

to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the

ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping

was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife :box:

[MOBLEYC57]

A

female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea

what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm,

sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you

know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point

is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

:think: :rant: :think: