MOBLEYC57
04-21-2005, 11:22 PM
Howdy! :angel:
FORTUNE COOKIE WISE ONE SAY
…
“Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired.”
“Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to
Bangkok.”
“Man with one chopstick go hungry.”
“Man who scratch ass should not bite
fingernails.”
“Man who eat many prunes get good run for
money.”
“Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot
walk.”
“War does not determine who is right, war determine who is
left.”
“Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat
house.”
“Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at
night.”
“It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill
it.”
“Man who drive like hell, bound to get
there.”
“ Man who stand on toilet is high on
pot.”
“Man who live in glass house should change clothes in
basement.”
“Man who fish in other man's well often catch
crabs.”
“Man who fart in church sit in own
pew.”
“Crowded elevator smell different to
midget.”
“Man that cooks carrots and pees in same pot, very unsanitary.”
A
SMART BLIND MAN!
A blind guy walks into a barroom and
finds a stool at the bar. "Hey, want to hear a really great
blond joke?" He says when the bartender brings him his
drink.
The place goes quiet, then the guy sitting on his left
leans over and says in a low voice:
"Before you tell that
joke, you should know something. The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting on your right
is6'2," weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to his
right is 6'5" and pushing 300 and he's awrestler. We're all
blonds. Think about it, Pal. Do you really wanna tell that joke!?"
The blind guy thinks for a minute, then says, "Nawh, not if I'm gonna have to explain it
fivetimes."
GOOD ADVICE!
Dorothy and Edna two "senior"
widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.
Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date. I know that you went
out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with
you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well . . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he
takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes
me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a
show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are
coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy! He tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me … three times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! ... So you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "Dear no! No! No! No! I'm just saying … wear an old
dress."
A DANGEROUS COCK STORY!
A farmer has about two hundred hens but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he's got a rooster.
The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this
great rooster named Waldo, he'll serve every chicken you got no problem."
Well Waldo rooster is a lot of money, but the
farmer decides he's worth it. So, he buys Waldo.
The farmer takes Waldo home and sets him down in the barnyard
and gives the rooster a pep talk. "Waldo, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service
here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So take your time and have some fun," the
farmer said with a chuckle.
Waldo said
nothing, but seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Waldo took off like a shot
~WHAM~ He bangs every hen in there THREE or FOUR
times and the farmer is just shocked.
Waldo
runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake
~WHAM~ He bangs all the geese.
Waldo's up in the pigpen.
He's in with the cows. Waldo’s pounding every
animal the farmer owns. The farmer is distraught,
worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find
Waldo dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard with Buzzards are circling about ten feet
overhead.
The farmer, saddened by his loss of
such a colorful animal shakes his head and says, "Oh Waldo, I told you to pace yourself!
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what
you've done to yourself."
Waldo opens one eye,
looks towards the buzzards flying overhead and says,
"Shhhhhhh!! Take your ass back inside, dammit! They're getting closer ..."
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
:cheers:
FORTUNE COOKIE WISE ONE SAY
…
“Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired.”
“Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to
Bangkok.”
“Man with one chopstick go hungry.”
“Man who scratch ass should not bite
fingernails.”
“Man who eat many prunes get good run for
money.”
“Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot
walk.”
“War does not determine who is right, war determine who is
left.”
“Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat
house.”
“Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at
night.”
“It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill
it.”
“Man who drive like hell, bound to get
there.”
“ Man who stand on toilet is high on
pot.”
“Man who live in glass house should change clothes in
basement.”
“Man who fish in other man's well often catch
crabs.”
“Man who fart in church sit in own
pew.”
“Crowded elevator smell different to
midget.”
“Man that cooks carrots and pees in same pot, very unsanitary.”
A
SMART BLIND MAN!
A blind guy walks into a barroom and
finds a stool at the bar. "Hey, want to hear a really great
blond joke?" He says when the bartender brings him his
drink.
The place goes quiet, then the guy sitting on his left
leans over and says in a low voice:
"Before you tell that
joke, you should know something. The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting on your right
is6'2," weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to his
right is 6'5" and pushing 300 and he's awrestler. We're all
blonds. Think about it, Pal. Do you really wanna tell that joke!?"
The blind guy thinks for a minute, then says, "Nawh, not if I'm gonna have to explain it
fivetimes."
GOOD ADVICE!
Dorothy and Edna two "senior"
widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.
Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date. I know that you went
out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with
you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well . . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he
takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes
me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a
show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are
coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy! He tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me … three times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! ... So you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "Dear no! No! No! No! I'm just saying … wear an old
dress."
A DANGEROUS COCK STORY!
A farmer has about two hundred hens but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he's got a rooster.
The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this
great rooster named Waldo, he'll serve every chicken you got no problem."
Well Waldo rooster is a lot of money, but the
farmer decides he's worth it. So, he buys Waldo.
The farmer takes Waldo home and sets him down in the barnyard
and gives the rooster a pep talk. "Waldo, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service
here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So take your time and have some fun," the
farmer said with a chuckle.
Waldo said
nothing, but seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Waldo took off like a shot
~WHAM~ He bangs every hen in there THREE or FOUR
times and the farmer is just shocked.
Waldo
runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake
~WHAM~ He bangs all the geese.
Waldo's up in the pigpen.
He's in with the cows. Waldo’s pounding every
animal the farmer owns. The farmer is distraught,
worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find
Waldo dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard with Buzzards are circling about ten feet
overhead.
The farmer, saddened by his loss of
such a colorful animal shakes his head and says, "Oh Waldo, I told you to pace yourself!
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what
you've done to yourself."
Waldo opens one eye,
looks towards the buzzards flying overhead and says,
"Shhhhhhh!! Take your ass back inside, dammit! They're getting closer ..."
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
:cheers: