MOBLEYC57
04-13-2005, 07:43 PM
Now that
I've got your naughty little attention.....
A CUTE WIDDLE WABBIT :twisted:
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, with the sweetest little lisp,
between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts,
he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and
fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks
on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python
weally gives a thit."
CONFESSION OF A COMPUTER ADDICT :rant:
I became fully aware last night that I've been spending entirely too much
time with my computer. The first clue was when I noticed that my right hand is now permanently cramped into the
famous "Microsoft Mouse" position.
The second hint was a little more tragic. As I lay in bed last night looking
at my wife, thinking how nice it would be to have sex with her, I rested my hand upon her breast and gently cupped
it (having no choice, since my right hand is now permanently cramped).
I heard a soft moan, but moments later
she relegated me back to my side of the bed.
Alas, I had double-clicked her nipple.
NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY! :nono:
A
mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife.
He went to a psychiatrist to discuss the
problem. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.
After
finishing the book, the man went home, stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in
her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want
you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my dinner, I expect a sumptuous dessert.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," his wife answered.
MOBLEY'S WORK RULES:whip:
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always
wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how
it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If
my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function
as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of
my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't
tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to
keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond
work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that
gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my
work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will
identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing
for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is
less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
13. Wait
until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a
cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
If you're not having a good
day, get yourself a stiff drink, and just fuhgeddaboutit! :drunk:
I've got your naughty little attention.....
A CUTE WIDDLE WABBIT :twisted:
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, with the sweetest little lisp,
between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts,
he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and
fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks
on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python
weally gives a thit."
CONFESSION OF A COMPUTER ADDICT :rant:
I became fully aware last night that I've been spending entirely too much
time with my computer. The first clue was when I noticed that my right hand is now permanently cramped into the
famous "Microsoft Mouse" position.
The second hint was a little more tragic. As I lay in bed last night looking
at my wife, thinking how nice it would be to have sex with her, I rested my hand upon her breast and gently cupped
it (having no choice, since my right hand is now permanently cramped).
I heard a soft moan, but moments later
she relegated me back to my side of the bed.
Alas, I had double-clicked her nipple.
NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY! :nono:
A
mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife.
He went to a psychiatrist to discuss the
problem. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.
After
finishing the book, the man went home, stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in
her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want
you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my dinner, I expect a sumptuous dessert.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," his wife answered.
MOBLEY'S WORK RULES:whip:
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always
wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how
it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If
my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function
as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of
my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't
tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to
keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond
work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that
gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my
work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will
identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing
for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is
less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
13. Wait
until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a
cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
If you're not having a good
day, get yourself a stiff drink, and just fuhgeddaboutit! :drunk: