MOBLEYC57
03-25-2005, 05:21 PM
WHAT THE!!!!?
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the
clerk said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic model."
The woman said, "You
mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it goes
soft for the rest of the night!"
MYSTERY
ANYONE?
1) A man was found murdered on Sunday
morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The
Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.
The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who
did it and how did they
know?
2) A man walks into a his
bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no
blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other caped crusader.
How did he do this?
3) Old Mr. Tidy was found dead in his study by Mr. Fiend. Mr. Fiend recounted his
dismal discovery to the police. "I was walking by Mr. Tidy`s house when I thought I would just pop in for a visit. I
noticed his study light was on and I decided to peek in from the outside to see if he was in there. There was frost
on the window, so I had to wipe it away to see inside. That is when I saw his body. So I kicked in the front door to
confirm my suspicions of foul play. I called the police immediately afterward." The officer immediately arrested Mr.
Fiend for the murder of Mr. Tidy. How did he know Mr. Fiend was lying?
4) If you touch me, you will die, but you can only live without me. I am a big part of your life, and
will eventually be the only thing left. You will learn to embrace me finally at rest. What am I?
ANSWERS
1) It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on
Sunday!
(next-day air and email doesn't count)
2)
He shot his reflection in the bathroom mirror.
3)
Frost forms on the inside of the window, not the outside.
So Mr. Fiend could not have wiped it off to discover Mr.
Tidy`s body.
4)
Death
Q & A? ANYONE!? ANYONE!?
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A
widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women
come.home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles
bars have in common?
A. They're married.
DOCTOR
KILLDARE!
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician
Dr. Cohen.
"Doctor," Mr. Spiegel said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter
has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both
have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible,"
the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet black hair for generations."
"Well," said
the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
Spiegel seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working
very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"There you have it!" the doctor Cohen said confidently. "It’s just
rust."
KIDS!
One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus
driver. He starts saying things like: If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster, the
bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on, if my mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant,
I would be a little male elephant, the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on if my mom was a female dog
and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog.
The bus driver got so mad, and asked: If your mom was a
prostitute, and your dad was a faggot, what would you be?
The boy answered: “A bus driver”
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Crazy men see ghosts--sane men ignore them." -
Anonymous
MOBLEY'S QUESTION OF THE
WEEK:
Did Peter really have a cotton tail?
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the
clerk said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic model."
The woman said, "You
mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it goes
soft for the rest of the night!"
MYSTERY
ANYONE?
1) A man was found murdered on Sunday
morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The
Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.
The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who
did it and how did they
know?
2) A man walks into a his
bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no
blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other caped crusader.
How did he do this?
3) Old Mr. Tidy was found dead in his study by Mr. Fiend. Mr. Fiend recounted his
dismal discovery to the police. "I was walking by Mr. Tidy`s house when I thought I would just pop in for a visit. I
noticed his study light was on and I decided to peek in from the outside to see if he was in there. There was frost
on the window, so I had to wipe it away to see inside. That is when I saw his body. So I kicked in the front door to
confirm my suspicions of foul play. I called the police immediately afterward." The officer immediately arrested Mr.
Fiend for the murder of Mr. Tidy. How did he know Mr. Fiend was lying?
4) If you touch me, you will die, but you can only live without me. I am a big part of your life, and
will eventually be the only thing left. You will learn to embrace me finally at rest. What am I?
ANSWERS
1) It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on
Sunday!
(next-day air and email doesn't count)
2)
He shot his reflection in the bathroom mirror.
3)
Frost forms on the inside of the window, not the outside.
So Mr. Fiend could not have wiped it off to discover Mr.
Tidy`s body.
4)
Death
Q & A? ANYONE!? ANYONE!?
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A
widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women
come.home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles
bars have in common?
A. They're married.
DOCTOR
KILLDARE!
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician
Dr. Cohen.
"Doctor," Mr. Spiegel said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter
has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both
have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible,"
the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet black hair for generations."
"Well," said
the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
Spiegel seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working
very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"There you have it!" the doctor Cohen said confidently. "It’s just
rust."
KIDS!
One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus
driver. He starts saying things like: If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster, the
bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on, if my mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant,
I would be a little male elephant, the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on if my mom was a female dog
and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog.
The bus driver got so mad, and asked: If your mom was a
prostitute, and your dad was a faggot, what would you be?
The boy answered: “A bus driver”
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Crazy men see ghosts--sane men ignore them." -
Anonymous
MOBLEY'S QUESTION OF THE
WEEK:
Did Peter really have a cotton tail?