MOBLEYC57
03-18-2005, 07:31 PM
WRAP IT UP!! :run:
An
American tourist goes on a trip to China.
While there, he is sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom.
A week after arriving home, he finds his penis is covered with bright green spots. Horrified, he goes to see his
doctor.
Days later the doctor calls and says, "I've got bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very
rare. We know little about it. We have to amputate your penis."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese
doctor, figuring he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines him and proclaims, "Ah, yes,
Mongolian VD."
"What can you do?" asks the man. "My American doctor wants to amputate!"
The Chinese doctor
shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctors always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to
operate!"
"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor. "You no worry! Wait two weeks.
Dick fall off by it self!"
KIDS! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
A little girl was
out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing,
Grandma?" asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw,
and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."
"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?"
"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.
"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they screw
you every time!"
MY HERO!:whip:
The out-of-state
couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the
local town folk a thrill by sunbathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get
some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in
tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to
you, dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness
around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband
shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and
blue!", he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows.
"What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint
is dry."
THREE THE HARD WAY! :twisted:
In an emergency ward of a hospital a patient arrived complaining of a serious back-pain. The doctor examined, and
asked him, "Tell me, what happened to your back?"
The patient explains, "I came home from my night shift work
early and entered my apartment this morning. I heard a noise and knew that someone and my wife were fooling around
behind me. Balcony door was open so I rushed to balcony, and saw a man running and dressing himself on the street. I
grabbed the fridge and dropped it at him. That's how I strained my back."
Doctor took the second patient, who
looked like someone got hit by a car. The doctor asked him, "My previous patient sure looked horrible, but you look
worst. What did you do?"
He replied, "What do I tell you doctor! After a long unemployment, today was the first
day at my new found job. My alarm did not go off. I was running damn late. I was running out of the building,
getting dressed simultaneously, and you won't believe doctor, but I was suddenly hit by a falling fridge."
Doctor took the third patient; He looked like someone who jumped from the plane and parachute did not open. The
doctor was shocked at the events today. Again he asked, "And now what the hell is your mischief?"
"Well, I was
sitting in a fridge, and someone threw it from the third
floor."
EVER HEARD OF A TALKING CLOCK?
:think:
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to
the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed.
"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?", one
of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock?
Seriously?", asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?", the friend asked,
squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up a mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering whack
and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, a voice from the wall screamed:
"You asshole, it's four in the morning!"
EWWWWW!! (Nasty Classic) :rant:
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body They all
gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by
telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be
disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same
thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns
sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor
looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and
sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!" EWWWW! HOW'S YOUR COFFEE TASTING?:rant:
An
American tourist goes on a trip to China.
While there, he is sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom.
A week after arriving home, he finds his penis is covered with bright green spots. Horrified, he goes to see his
doctor.
Days later the doctor calls and says, "I've got bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very
rare. We know little about it. We have to amputate your penis."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese
doctor, figuring he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines him and proclaims, "Ah, yes,
Mongolian VD."
"What can you do?" asks the man. "My American doctor wants to amputate!"
The Chinese doctor
shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctors always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to
operate!"
"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor. "You no worry! Wait two weeks.
Dick fall off by it self!"
KIDS! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
A little girl was
out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing,
Grandma?" asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw,
and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."
"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?"
"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.
"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they screw
you every time!"
MY HERO!:whip:
The out-of-state
couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the
local town folk a thrill by sunbathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get
some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in
tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to
you, dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness
around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband
shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and
blue!", he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows.
"What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint
is dry."
THREE THE HARD WAY! :twisted:
In an emergency ward of a hospital a patient arrived complaining of a serious back-pain. The doctor examined, and
asked him, "Tell me, what happened to your back?"
The patient explains, "I came home from my night shift work
early and entered my apartment this morning. I heard a noise and knew that someone and my wife were fooling around
behind me. Balcony door was open so I rushed to balcony, and saw a man running and dressing himself on the street. I
grabbed the fridge and dropped it at him. That's how I strained my back."
Doctor took the second patient, who
looked like someone got hit by a car. The doctor asked him, "My previous patient sure looked horrible, but you look
worst. What did you do?"
He replied, "What do I tell you doctor! After a long unemployment, today was the first
day at my new found job. My alarm did not go off. I was running damn late. I was running out of the building,
getting dressed simultaneously, and you won't believe doctor, but I was suddenly hit by a falling fridge."
Doctor took the third patient; He looked like someone who jumped from the plane and parachute did not open. The
doctor was shocked at the events today. Again he asked, "And now what the hell is your mischief?"
"Well, I was
sitting in a fridge, and someone threw it from the third
floor."
EVER HEARD OF A TALKING CLOCK?
:think:
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to
the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed.
"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?", one
of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock?
Seriously?", asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?", the friend asked,
squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up a mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering whack
and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, a voice from the wall screamed:
"You asshole, it's four in the morning!"
EWWWWW!! (Nasty Classic) :rant:
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body They all
gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by
telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be
disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same
thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns
sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor
looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and
sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!" EWWWW! HOW'S YOUR COFFEE TASTING?:rant: