MOBLEYC57
02-03-2005, 03:25 PM
What doctors say, and what they're
really thinking :rant: :
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to
Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a
clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last
bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment
later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or--
I need the bucks, so
I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad
news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that
can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest
in the lab.
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy
divorce and owes me a bundle.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a
paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week,
give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's
quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a
little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so
well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new
beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out
what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"Do you suppose all this
stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier than an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me ...
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God,
that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those
symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week.
THE FASTEST SWIMMER :think:
There were three women, a
brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the
English Channel doing only the breaststroke.
The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later.
"Congratulations!" everyone shouts.
Two hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try"
everyone shouts to her.
Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she
replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their
arms."
:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
really thinking :rant: :
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to
Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a
clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last
bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment
later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or--
I need the bucks, so
I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad
news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that
can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest
in the lab.
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy
divorce and owes me a bundle.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a
paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week,
give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's
quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a
little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so
well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new
beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out
what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"Do you suppose all this
stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier than an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me ...
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God,
that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those
symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week.
THE FASTEST SWIMMER :think:
There were three women, a
brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the
English Channel doing only the breaststroke.
The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later.
"Congratulations!" everyone shouts.
Two hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try"
everyone shouts to her.
Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she
replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their
arms."
:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: