belgareth
01-30-2005, 05:08 AM
Because
I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has
set in. AAA is not an
option. I will win.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because
I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink
beer and
break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
__________________________________________
Because I'm a
man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a
problem.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And
never, under any circumstances, expect me to
pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice
and not a
bodily
function)
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this
will just cost me twice
as much, once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back
together.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole
show looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator) ...applies to engineers
mainly.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me
what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I
have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I do
not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And
don't forget to pick up something for my
mother too.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you
are feeling amorous
afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to
others.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With
the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine. Can we just go
now?
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the
year 2005, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the
garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
__________________________________________________ ___
This has
been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male. Have a great day!!!
I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has
set in. AAA is not an
option. I will win.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because
I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink
beer and
break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
__________________________________________
Because I'm a
man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a
problem.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And
never, under any circumstances, expect me to
pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice
and not a
bodily
function)
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this
will just cost me twice
as much, once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back
together.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole
show looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator) ...applies to engineers
mainly.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me
what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I
have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I do
not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And
don't forget to pick up something for my
mother too.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you
are feeling amorous
afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to
others.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With
the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine. Can we just go
now?
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the
year 2005, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the
garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
__________________________________________________ ___
This has
been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male. Have a great day!!!