MOBLEYC57
01-22-2005, 10:24 AM
HOW
WOMANTIC!
Entries to a newspaper competition asking
for a rhyme with the most romantic first line, and
the
least romantic second line.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was
pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that
is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is
your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only
you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and
hot
This describes everything you are not.
I want to
feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm
good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful
wife
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face
when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped
in to smell this way.
My feelings for you no words can
tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell!"
What inspired this
amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
THE TAX
POEM
[le
ft]Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax
his mule,
Teach him taxes is the
rule.
[/left]
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his
dirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his ass,
Tax the roads he must
pass.
Tax his tobacco, tax his
drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his
tears.
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax
his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no
dough.
If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's
good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he
lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my
doom!"
And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance
TAX.
IRS
WARNING!
PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service,"
DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money,
which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This
is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take
money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the
same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working
Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among
them!
A CRACKHEAD MAKES A
POINT: They say that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Well I
think the gun
helps.If you just stood there and
yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. -- Eddie Izzard
WOMANTIC!
Entries to a newspaper competition asking
for a rhyme with the most romantic first line, and
the
least romantic second line.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was
pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that
is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is
your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only
you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and
hot
This describes everything you are not.
I want to
feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm
good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful
wife
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face
when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped
in to smell this way.
My feelings for you no words can
tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell!"
What inspired this
amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
THE TAX
POEM
[le
ft]Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax
his mule,
Teach him taxes is the
rule.
[/left]
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his
dirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his ass,
Tax the roads he must
pass.
Tax his tobacco, tax his
drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his
tears.
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax
his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no
dough.
If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's
good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he
lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my
doom!"
And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance
TAX.
IRS
WARNING!
PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service,"
DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money,
which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This
is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take
money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the
same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working
Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among
them!
A CRACKHEAD MAKES A
POINT: They say that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Well I
think the gun
helps.If you just stood there and
yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. -- Eddie Izzard