Santa's Pickup Lines + 1!

[MOBLEYC57]

Two sprays

of Chikara to the neck, one spray of TE unscented to the chest, and one of Santa's pick up lines ... you'll get

laid, or laid out!:whip:

1) Gidddy up over here and say "Howdy to your fat, bearded cowboy of love."

2) I

know if you've been good or bad, so let's skip the small talk baby!

3) Hey Babe, when was the last time you

did it in a sleigh?

4) Interested in seeing the 'North Pole?'

5) Forget the 'nice' list, I've got you

on my 'Nice AND Naughty' list!"

6) How would you like to shake like a bowl full of jelly?

7) I've got

something you can hang a wreath on!

8) I see you when you're sleeping, and you don't wear any panties, do

you?

9) Wanna play some reindeer games?

10) That IS a candy cane in my pocket, and I AM so glad to see

you!

11) Uh, yeah, that's right! I'm Kenny Rodgers!

12) One hour with me, Honey, and you'll be seeing

flyin' reindeer.

13) I've got something special in the sack just for you!

14) I got your stocking stuffer

right here, Babe!

KIDS! THE NEED FOR SPEED!

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he

noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought,



"Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just

let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son,

do you have any
questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

"How fast was that calf going when

he hit that cow!?" :drunk:

[MOBLEYC57]

Not long

ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his

elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs.. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth

and two had jumped the fence and were out....heaven knows where to.... More Stress!

Then when he began to load

the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated,

Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the

elves had hit the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke

into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had

eaten off the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He

opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like

to put this tree, fat boy!?"

And that my friend is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

:drunk: