MOBLEYC57
11-20-2004, 11:25 AM
Howdy folks! :wave:
CERTIFIED BIG-GAME HUNTER :drunk:
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by
feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a
bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to
prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him and took him to his first
animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and
declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."
He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was
even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it
again for another round.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that
someone happened to have in the trunk of his car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion."
Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a 308."
He was right again! This only made the crowd more
curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he
staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know
that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"
His wife replied angrily, "From me you
bastard!"
"What the hell for!?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my
panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and said, 'Skunk, killed with an
ax!'"
GRANDMA'S
REMEDY :box:
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa
sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he
exclaimed.
The old man looked off into the distance and
did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt
on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
BLONDE COUPLE PERHAPS?:run:
A juggler, driving to his next performance,
is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a
juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving
now!"
DOCTOR’S ORDERS :blink:
A man and his wife are on a nude beach. They are
just sitting there, when all of a sudden a bee flies up into the woman's vagina. Her husband quickly scoops her up,
tosses her into the car, and heads for the hospital.
The doctor calmly tells the couple, "My prongs are not long enough so I cannot reach the bee, but I have a
better idea. Why don't you put some honey on the end of your penis, and when the bee lands on it, pull out and
we'll kill it." The husband agrees, so they go to another room.
As they begin to try, the husband becomes so
nervous that he can't get it up. The couple yells for the doctor to come in. The doctor enters, and they tell him
their problem.
"You know, if she gets stung
it could be fatal, so this is very dangerous. Why don't you let me try?" The couple agrees.
So the doctor puts some honey on his penis
and puts it inside the woman. He starts pumping slowly, and then he starts increasing his pace. Faster and faster,
harder and harder, vigorously pounding in and out of the woman that she's moaning out loud as she's sliding all
over the examining table.
"What in the hell
are you doing!!?" yells the husband.
"There's been a change of plans," says the doctor, "I'm gonna drown the little bastard!!!!!"
HAVE A SAFE WEEKEND ... TURKEY DAY ISA COMING!! :cheers:
CERTIFIED BIG-GAME HUNTER :drunk:
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by
feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a
bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to
prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him and took him to his first
animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and
declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."
He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was
even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it
again for another round.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that
someone happened to have in the trunk of his car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion."
Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a 308."
He was right again! This only made the crowd more
curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he
staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know
that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"
His wife replied angrily, "From me you
bastard!"
"What the hell for!?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my
panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and said, 'Skunk, killed with an
ax!'"
GRANDMA'S
REMEDY :box:
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa
sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he
exclaimed.
The old man looked off into the distance and
did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt
on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
BLONDE COUPLE PERHAPS?:run:
A juggler, driving to his next performance,
is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a
juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving
now!"
DOCTOR’S ORDERS :blink:
A man and his wife are on a nude beach. They are
just sitting there, when all of a sudden a bee flies up into the woman's vagina. Her husband quickly scoops her up,
tosses her into the car, and heads for the hospital.
The doctor calmly tells the couple, "My prongs are not long enough so I cannot reach the bee, but I have a
better idea. Why don't you put some honey on the end of your penis, and when the bee lands on it, pull out and
we'll kill it." The husband agrees, so they go to another room.
As they begin to try, the husband becomes so
nervous that he can't get it up. The couple yells for the doctor to come in. The doctor enters, and they tell him
their problem.
"You know, if she gets stung
it could be fatal, so this is very dangerous. Why don't you let me try?" The couple agrees.
So the doctor puts some honey on his penis
and puts it inside the woman. He starts pumping slowly, and then he starts increasing his pace. Faster and faster,
harder and harder, vigorously pounding in and out of the woman that she's moaning out loud as she's sliding all
over the examining table.
"What in the hell
are you doing!!?" yells the husband.
"There's been a change of plans," says the doctor, "I'm gonna drown the little bastard!!!!!"
HAVE A SAFE WEEKEND ... TURKEY DAY ISA COMING!! :cheers: