MOBLEYC57
11-10-2004, 12:42 PM
HOW TO COOK THIS YEAR'S THANKSGIVING TURKEY :drunk:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink
of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step
8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of
get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step
18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour
a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Now .... no one has an excuse for not knowing HOW to cook this year's
Thanksgiving turkey:nono:
Anyone ever been mooned by Turkey? :blink:
AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK! :twisted:
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a
tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and
proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender,
"If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the
evening?"
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly
be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket
and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches
into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is
enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's
not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and
turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog
could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered, smiling. "You see, the frog … well, he
wasn't worth a damn cent! It's the rat that's so special … the frog didn’t sing one note … the rat's a
ventriloquist."
WORDS WOMEN USE AND WHAT THEY MEAN:
:blink:
FINE --- This is the word women use to end an argument when
they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause
you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES --- This is half an
hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash,
so it's an even trade.
NOTHING --- This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with
"Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) --- This is a dare. One that
will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
--- This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in
just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools
off.
LOUD SIGH --- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders
why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH --- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she
is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY --- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that s he wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you
have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD! --- At some point in the near future, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO --- This is not a statement, it is
an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS --- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say, "You're
welcome."
THANKS A LOT ---This is much different from "Thanks." A
woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as
she will only tell you "Nothing"
MARRIAGE :run:
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over,
the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore,
marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution
in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
· In the first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens.
· In
the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
·
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind, but marriage is definitely an
eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get
married!
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the
husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get
married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son,
everywhere!
BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOBLEY, THE
OUSTANDING DIRECTOR OF EVERYONE'S NEW FAVORITE DVD/VIDEO ............
GRANNIES GONE WILD!
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink
of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step
8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of
get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step
18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour
a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Now .... no one has an excuse for not knowing HOW to cook this year's
Thanksgiving turkey:nono:
Anyone ever been mooned by Turkey? :blink:
AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK! :twisted:
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a
tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and
proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender,
"If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the
evening?"
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly
be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket
and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches
into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is
enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's
not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and
turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog
could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered, smiling. "You see, the frog … well, he
wasn't worth a damn cent! It's the rat that's so special … the frog didn’t sing one note … the rat's a
ventriloquist."
WORDS WOMEN USE AND WHAT THEY MEAN:
:blink:
FINE --- This is the word women use to end an argument when
they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause
you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES --- This is half an
hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash,
so it's an even trade.
NOTHING --- This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with
"Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) --- This is a dare. One that
will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
--- This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in
just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools
off.
LOUD SIGH --- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders
why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH --- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she
is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY --- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that s he wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you
have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD! --- At some point in the near future, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO --- This is not a statement, it is
an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS --- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say, "You're
welcome."
THANKS A LOT ---This is much different from "Thanks." A
woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as
she will only tell you "Nothing"
MARRIAGE :run:
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over,
the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore,
marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution
in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
· In the first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens.
· In
the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
·
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind, but marriage is definitely an
eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get
married!
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the
husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get
married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son,
everywhere!
BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOBLEY, THE
OUSTANDING DIRECTOR OF EVERYONE'S NEW FAVORITE DVD/VIDEO ............
GRANNIES GONE WILD!