MOBLEYC57
11-03-2004, 07:38 PM
PREACHER'S
DELITE :twisted:
There is a story about a popular young Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to
the congregation that he will not renew his contract, and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him
more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and
announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a
minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and
investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee
the college education of his children!!" More sighs and applause.
Ms. Ella May, aged 70, stands and announces, "If
the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!"
There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever
possessed you to say that?"
Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
"Screw the damn preacher!!"
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT!? :drunk:
Two men camping in the mountains had spent
four days together, and they were getting a little testy.
One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're
starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today.
I'll hike north and spend the day
looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over
the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner,
the first man tells his story, "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate
lunch.
Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from
the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came
across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks.
I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I
had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon under this big oak tree! Finally, when I was so tired I
could barely move, I slowly made my way back here to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH
better than mine! Did you get oral ... you know ... a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his
meal, "I couldn't find her head."
OO7? :trout:
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all
of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the
final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that
you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife
sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent
said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I
tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and
went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging
on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped
the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the damn
chair!!!"
Top bumper stickers you would like to see:
Jesus loves you... but everyone else
thinks you are an as$hole!
Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
The proctologist
called... they found your head.
Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
Your ridiculous
little opinion has been noted.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys... just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me!
If you can read this... I
can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not
to let your mind wander... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
:thumbsup: Hoping sumtin in
this hit a nerve in yer face ... SMILE it increases your face value! :thumbsup:
DELITE :twisted:
There is a story about a popular young Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to
the congregation that he will not renew his contract, and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him
more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and
announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a
minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and
investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee
the college education of his children!!" More sighs and applause.
Ms. Ella May, aged 70, stands and announces, "If
the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!"
There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever
possessed you to say that?"
Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
"Screw the damn preacher!!"
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT!? :drunk:
Two men camping in the mountains had spent
four days together, and they were getting a little testy.
One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're
starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today.
I'll hike north and spend the day
looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over
the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner,
the first man tells his story, "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate
lunch.
Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from
the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came
across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks.
I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I
had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon under this big oak tree! Finally, when I was so tired I
could barely move, I slowly made my way back here to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH
better than mine! Did you get oral ... you know ... a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his
meal, "I couldn't find her head."
OO7? :trout:
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all
of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the
final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that
you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife
sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent
said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I
tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and
went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging
on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped
the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the damn
chair!!!"
Top bumper stickers you would like to see:
Jesus loves you... but everyone else
thinks you are an as$hole!
Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
The proctologist
called... they found your head.
Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
Your ridiculous
little opinion has been noted.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys... just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me!
If you can read this... I
can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not
to let your mind wander... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
:thumbsup: Hoping sumtin in
this hit a nerve in yer face ... SMILE it increases your face value! :thumbsup: