The 2004 Election

[Pancho1188]

Wow, this is

exciting, isn't it? :)

[bjf]

I did some numbers crunching using

the data on the front page of usatoday.com Maybe I am wrong, but it looks like kerry will have to win forida AND

ohio to win. Right now with 94 percent of the precincts reporting, bush has a little lead going. maybe absentee

ballots will come into affect.

[SweetBrenda]

Kerry actually got

California's Vote!! whoa that one took my surprised! ( he still has a chance..)
But we still ahead of the

game...Bush got AZ.

[bjf]

Assuming ohio goes to kerry, florida

to bush, and the current leads stay the same, it will be a tie, 269 a piece.

[Pancho1188]

Kerry just conceded the

election to Bush!

[DrSmellThis]

What election?

[Pancho1188]

Ha, ha. I think they just

replayed the 2000 election, switched the toss-up state to make it look different, and gave Bush the popular vote so

it wouldn't be so controversial to contest and realize that they just posted the 2000 results give or take. ;) ;)



(I'm not a conspiracy theorist...I swear! :))

[Pancho1188]

Adam Felber concedes the

election! Great speech!







I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people.
Though the people disagree with the

President on almost every issue, you
saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special.


And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids
who ride the short school bus and

find ways to injure themselves while
eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.



I concede that I misjudged the

power of hate. That's pretty powerful
stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate

the
President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the
ballot in various swing

states like Ohio... well, that was just genius.
Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls.

The
unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as
their biggest issue,

those people changed history. The folks who
consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war,

or
terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would
belong to them?

Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that.
[Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.



I concede that

I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10
of you opposing the President, with your friends and

classmates dying
daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to
pay for rich

old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your
asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging

homophobic hillbillies
carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that
you did

in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank
you. Thank you very much.



There

are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time
for healing, to bring the nation together.

Let me tell you a little
story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here
in

Los Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk
half-seriously about secession, a red

state / blue state split. The
reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the


wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states
receive the majority of the money

from those taxes while complaining
about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been

attacked
by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a
war in our name. We in

the blue states produce the entertainment that
you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states

show open
disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual
victims and targets of

the war on terror, while red state civilians are
the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it

on!"

More than 40% of you

Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had
something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I

am. Your sons
and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people
in the urban

centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true,
but those of you who are at practically no risk

believe this easy lie
because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I
really

envy that luxury. I concede that.



Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who


subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms
about the heartland of America while

that heartland insults and
excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And


you refused to give it to us, largely because of your high moral values.
You knew better: America doesn't

need its allies, doesn't need to share
the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide

for
its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed,
atheistic, unconfrontational

breadwinners who are willing to pay the
bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can

never
have. Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to
respect your values while

you insult ours. And the big joke here is that
for 20 years, we've done just that.



It's not a "ha-ha"

funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.
Being an independent candidate gives me one luxury - as

well as
conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for
President in

2008. [Wild applause, screams, chants of "Fel-ber!
Fel-ber!] Thank you.



And I make

this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there will be
no pandering. This time I will run with all the

open and joking contempt
for my opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of
liberty,

the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the
"white-wine sippers." This time I will not

pretend that the simple folk
of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to


serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't.



So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to


you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-
thumping, inbred drones, you

redneck, racist, chest-thumping,
perennially duped grade-school grads. Vote for me, because I know


better, and I truly believe that I can help your smug, sorry asses. Vote
Felber in '08! Thank you,

and may God, if he does in fact exist, bless
each and every one of you.

[DrSmellThis]

That was a funny speech.

He'll regret having made it if he wants to ever run for anything or pass through the South, but it is witty.