GGive up hope with ex

[lordcrazyd]

Anyone have

experience to either give up or continue holding on. I've tried NC, i've tried being nice. She came around when

her new bf was being mean. last thing that happened she flipped out when she saw me walking with my ex ex gf.

Obvously she's jealous and cares. Please don't respond and say to forget about her. I'm trying a positive

approach.

[DAdams91982]

And it all goes in this

order
"Yes Sweetheart"
"Your Right Sweetheart"
"It wont happen again sweetheart"
"I'll think next time

sweetheart"

Easiest way to avoid confrontation.

Adams

[DrSmellThis]

You painted a general picture,

LordCrazyD, so my advice to you can only be general.

* IMHO, one main insight to start with is that you seem

to be taking this dilemma on as your own problem, when it's not.

You don't have to have an

unsolvable problem, as far as handling the things in your control. She may have a problem on the other hand, and

might not know how to handle it. You cannot solve her problems for her, and it would be self-defeating to try to

take any of them on.

* Then, for your part, a lot of it is about balance:

Be strong,

honest, and communicate in a straightforward, simple manner. But struggle against being needy, and take care of

yourself first, as needed. Be a real friend to her, but draw boundaries in a gentle way whenever appropriate. Try to

avoid going on her roller-coaster rides with her, or reacting in random ways to them; and be more consistent

with where you're coming from. Be understandingly amused that she flipped about you and your ex, since you are

doing nothing wrong. Work on expecting nothing beyond respect and honesty, but don't be afraid to ask for what you

want. Know that you are agreeing to accept the risk of a certain amount of heartache, and think about how you want

to handle that realistically, regarding preparing for this possibility and taking care of yourself. Know that you

may well have to let go sometime, but know that everybody goes through this multiple times. Take a contemplative

moment or two every day to get yourself balanced. Have fun on your own, and always have something positive going for

yourself, especially confidence-building things (e.g., working out).

[a.k.a.]

last thing that

happened she flipped out when she saw me walking with my ex ex gf. Obvously she's jealous and

cares.

Yes. But what exactly does she care about? You or her ego?
Judging from your post, I'm

guessing she's the dumper and you're the dumpee. Hate to say this about someone you still care about. But it's

not uncommon for women to want to see their ex fall apart after they leave him.
The most positive thing you can

do is to feel good about yourself and to find joy, and purpose, in your life.

[Pancho1188]

Anyone have

experience to either give up or continue holding on. I've tried NC, i've tried being nice. She came around when

her new bf was being mean. last thing that happened she flipped out when she saw me walking with my ex ex gf.

Obvously she's jealous and cares. Please don't respond and say to forget about her. I'm trying a positive

approach.
Oh, my God...do a search under my posts for anything regarding my ex girlfriend. My ex came

around when she needed someone, but that didn't meant she still wanted me. She just wanted a friend or someone to

talk to...but she wasn't looking for anything else. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise, just as I was

when I thought otherwise. In fact, when things were down, she came to me despite the fact that she was already

going out with someone else and I didn't know about it. When I found out, the first thing I thought was, "Wait,

isn't this what your boyfriend is for?" Because of my logic, I thought I was serving as the emotional part

of the bf while this other guy was getting the fun part. It was later that I realized that this wasn't the

case...I was just the person she could always go to...so when she had a problem and had nowhere else she felt

comfortable going, where did she go? I could've turned her away. That was my choice.

That all said, I also

have another anecdote. I was hanging out with a few girl friends, and they were talking about this guy. The one

girl kept asking questions about who he was seeing and if they were going out or what. I asked her, "Why are you

asking this stuff? Do you still like the guy?" She said, "No, it'll never work out. I don't want to go out with

him. You just hate to see them move on and doing well before you, you know?" I have the blankest look on my face.

What the hell? This defies my logic, but it's true. Even if you don't like the person, you hate to see them

doing well without you, especially if you're not doing so hot.

Basically, she may care, but it has nothing to

do with her wanting some kind of relationship with you. In addition, I would add speculation that maybe your ex had

heard stuff from you about your previous ex and thought she was bad news. Since she cares about you as a friend,

she wouldn't want you getting mixed up with someone bad like that if she perceived it as being a bad idea.

So,

to put a positive spin on this as you requested, you apparently have a friend in this person. She cares about you.

Use this as a positive experience to grow on so that when you finally start going out with someone new, you have

this knowledge to make better decisions. Choose to keep her as a friend or let her go. That is your choice to

make, and it depends on what you can handle. You'll find someone new, and you always have the good times of past

relationships to look back on for support.

[koolking1]

I've stated this before

but it apparently bears repeating: Treat her anyway you wish but make damn sure she sees you with other women, the

better looking the better!!! She has to know that you are able to "get on with things". She's either gonna come

back to you in full force or not get the satisfaction of seeing you worse off than she is.

[Holmes]

Yes. But what

exactly does she care about? You or her ego?
Judging from your post, I'm guessing she's the dumper and you're

the dumpee. Hate to say this about someone you still care about. 1) But it's not uncommon for women to want to

see their ex fall apart after they leave him.
2) The most positive thing you can do is to feel good about

yourself and to find joy, and purpose, in your life.

1) Sad but true.

2) The best thing

you can do under the circumstances. Good advice.

[lordcrazyd]

thanks guys, i'm going to

take the risk of being a somewhat friend to her, but once i hear about her ex i'm going to back off. I'm going to

show her that i can and i have lived without her. This is really confusing part of my life. I feel deep down inside

she still has something for me. But, maybe everyone else feels the same to say that its just that she doesn't want

to see me happy.

the last conversation we had 2 weeks ago she told me she was confused about how she felt about

me. How she misses me, and loves me, but isn't sure if she is in love with me. Either way i handle this i think

i'm going to come out a better person.

[Pancho1188]

thanks guys,

i'm going to take the risk of being a somewhat friend to her, but once i hear about her ex i'm going to back off.

I'm going to show her that i can and i have lived without her. This is really confusing part of my life. I feel

deep down inside she still has something for me. But, maybe everyone else feels the same to say that its just that

she doesn't want to see me happy.

the last conversation we had 2 weeks ago she told me she was confused about

how she felt about me. How she misses me, and loves me, but isn't sure if she is in love with me. Either way i

handle this i think i'm going to come out a better person.
Again, I've been there. Let me be your

crystal ball and show you how it turns out (at least in my situation):

I felt she had something for me. She

said she cared about me (she wouldn't use the word love because she thought I/she would confuse love with in

love, so she stuck with cared about me instead) and missed me but wasn't sure if she was in love with me. I pushed

this issue, and it basically made everything worse. She was going out with someone else, and I was just becoming a

part of relationship history. I just couldn't handle it. That was my realization. I had to break away. I am a

better person now.

The ironic thing is that she did want to see me happy. When something good happened to me,

she was happy for me. Even more ironically, this upset me because I didn't want her to be happy for me but wanted

it to get to her. When you have to break someone's heart that you still care for, you want them to move on and be

happy. Some people just don't want to see it in action. Others don't want to see you make a mistake.

I

remember when I was getting close to this other girl. She heard about it through some friends and told me not to

get involved with her because she was 'dangerous'. I could have thought this to be jealousy, but I know she's

too good for that...it was just that she heard things about the girl that weren't so nice, and she didn't want me

to get hurt. It had nothing to do with her own feelings. If anything, she was probably glad that I was moving on

but scared that she somehow screwed up my head into doing something with someone that wasn't right.


I'm not

going to blatantly point out the parallels in our situations...I hope you can see that for yourself.

I don't

even expect you to listen because I probably wouldn't have, either. I just thought you'd like to have the benefit

of hindsight and a look into your future through a look into my past...

I won't tell you "I told you so."



PR

[DAdams91982]

A song keeps coming to mind

when I read this thread....


"Love me Love me... says that you'll love me"
"Use me Use me... just go on and

use me"


Adams