Role Reversal?

[DanTHEman]

Has

anyone else experienced this?



It seems that pheromones, at least

in my case, tend to cause an issue with.. Uhh.. Let's call it 'role reversals'.. Let me elaborate. It seems

that girls that in the past were attracted to or friendly with me are now less interested or no longer interested at

all, and girls that were not attracted to me, now seem to be.. Now, I expected that pheromones would get girls more

interested in me, but surely didn't expect to loose the interest of others. Normally that would not pose much of a

problem, but since the day I started using pheromones (and pretty conservatively at first), my own girlfriend, the

girl that treated me like a king and got along with perfectly (unless she was PMS'ing) and always talked about

marriage and having kids (almost daily until pheromone usage) suddenly turned cold on me. So much so, that after 1

1/2 years together, I ended up having 'the talk' with her where we both determined it was best to just be friends

just a couple of weeks ago since we were just suddenly not getting along.



This is the same girl on a prior posting

http://pherolibrary.com/forum/showthread.php?

t=11354 (http://pherolibrary.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11354) that on my first use of Perception asked me what it was and told me she hated it. She was

menstrual at the time, so I attributed it to that since I read that the combination of Pheromones and the Menstrual

cycle causes problems, but nothing else seemed to do the trick with her (Chikara, WAGG, SOE) at any time, even when

not PMS'ing or Menstrual. This isn't limited to my ex-girlfriend though. Other close friends that had expressed

interested in me and said things like "too bad you have a girlriend", etc have had similar reactions while those

I've been interested in and never gave me the time of day are now much friendlier.



Now I have a couple of theories to this 'phenomenon'. One, if a girl is attracted to you for the

nice guy that you are, and suddenly you seem to change (become more Alpha male), then it may just throw her off

enough to stop liking you. Especially in the case of my ex because I've had indication that her ex-boyfriend was

physically abusive, though she's never really specifically said so. I'm guessing that me becoming more Alpha Male

brought back bad memories of her prior boyfriend, setting off a defense mechanism that ultimately led to our

breakup. The same holds true in the opposite end of things, where girls that were not attracted to you because,

well, because you were too nice and/or easy going, and now see you as more of an Alpha male, no suddenly seem more

attracted to you. I tried off-seting the overly Alpha effect with WAGG, SOE, etc, but I guess i have not yet

mastered the dosages.. Trial and error can sometimes lead to costly errors.. :think: Oh well..

NEXT!



So, another thing to consider in

pheromone usage and the ever-so-complicated dating scene.. :frustrate

~Dan~

[MOBLEYC57]

Don't know, Dan,

but.....

"A-1:PIw (1:3): Hi I'm SE Asian, but I live in Europe.

My arsenal for Asian is PI/w mixed with A-1 (3:1). I've tested this mix when I was on holiday in Indonesia. Try it,

it works great and I still use this mix. (INDO)"

All over the

forum there are ideas when it comes to Asian women, nothing really written in stone if you ask me, but maybe this

will help bring back someone you may have frighten off with your new mone signature. "People fear what they don't

understand." Who said that? Damn if I know!! :drunk:

[CptKipling]

Dan,

A year and a half is a

long time, long enough for her to have become very used to your natural smell. It's entirely possible that you

using pheros has made her less comfortable with your smell, it's been reported before. It's even possible that

this was worsened by her PMSing when you first used them. Try not wearing any the next few times you see her, then

if things improve consider trying small amounts.

[tounge]

Kipling is correct here, Dan. She

was attracted to your natural pheromone signature. By changing it, you may have turned off her natural attraction

for you. Stop using them for awhile and see what happens. Avoid her for a couple of weeks, until your normal

phermone state is rebalanced. Then see how she reacts. If nothing, than forget her, you blew it. If she gets back to

diggin you, than you have a dilemma. Don't use mones and stick with her. Or move on and use mones to be the poon

hound you want to be.

[Pancho1188]

Normally that would not pose much of a problem, but since the day I started using

pheromones (and pretty conservatively at first), my own girlfriend, the girl that treated me like a king and got

along with perfectly (unless she was PMS'ing) and always talked about marriage and having kids (almost daily until

pheromone usage) suddenly turned cold on me. So much so, that after 1 1/2 years together, I ended up having 'the

talk' with her where we both determined it was best to just be friends just a couple of weeks ago since we were

just suddenly not getting along.

*Psychology Alarm*

My psychology alarm is

screaming "1 1/2 years!" I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this had nothing to do with -mones.

Now, maybe they did turn her off or whatever because you weren't the 'same guy' with them on, but this has

nothing to do with that. Here comes the scientific analysis of love...


Love is a drug. Just like when doing

drugs or going for a long, exhausting run, your body's pleasure chemicals go nuts. For running, endorphines give

you the "runner's high" that makes you feel great because it suppresses any feelings of pain or fatigue you would

normally have so you can get through the 'fight or flight' activity (before exercise, there was actual necessary

physical activity to stay alive ;)). For drugs, they artificially overload one of your pleasure chemicals such as

dopamine so you feel incredible. In the instance of love, the presence of someone you are attracted to and

affectionate towards releases chemicals in your brain that produces euphoria.

(An interesting side note: The

same area of the brain that is involved in love is the same as the part involved in obsessive compulsive disorder.

Think about it: you obsess over the person and do crazy, irrational things while you're around them. :))

Just

like any other drug, the body becomes tolerant to it after a while. This happens after a period of 1 1/2-2 years.

When this happens, you no longer feel the same 'high' you used to when you are around that person. Now, your body

compensates for this eventually by switching over to endorphines (the same as the 'runner's high') so you feel an

overall pleasant feeling with the person. The problem, however, is making the switch from one to the other. Most

serious relationships end during this period, and many relationships that survive this obstacle actually become

pretty successful.

Why? Well, evolutionary theory states that 'love' as it stands to be a mechanism to keep

couples together is just enough time to get children through the most difficult and vulnerable period. Nine months -

baby. Nine months - baby is very vulnerable. After that, although still delicate, the child is growing and becomes

much more functional. Scientists believe that this is the most probable reasoning for the time span of the love

drug.


Summary

Love is a drug. People become tolerant to it after about 1 1/2 years. Getting through is

hard, but long, lasting relationships based on mutual emotional attachment may survive this ordeal. However, those

who are not ready to make that switch (not ready for a commitment or to switch from high passion to commitment ---

see my thread on the triangular theory of love for more info on this

http://pherolibrary.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9224)

lose interest and move on.



Maybe you should be thankful knowing that she wasn't ready to make that

'switch' with you and you are better off without having made the mistake of pushing something that might've ended

badly, or maybe -mones played a role and she had no idea what was going on so she bailed. Either way, keep your head

high, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

PR

[bjf]

Maybe the love drug switched off

because of the pheromones. He did become a "different person", not the one she was in love with, at a pretty

fundamental level.

[Pancho1188]

Ironically, I always thought

of Pheromones as the thing that would get the fire back into a relationship that might've lost its passion from

this 'tolerance' of the love drug... :think: That's why I'm skeptical about what effect it really had, but I

think it might've pushed a teeter-tottering person over the edge. For example, she was unsure about how she felt

and one major instance of being with someone she didn't know made her bail.

However, I always thought that if

your relationship was losing fire, pheromones would spark renewed sexual energy between you and your partner. I

guess you have to have the secure emotional attachment that merely lacks the passion it once had instead of an

unstable attachment that could go either way.

Hmmmmmmmmm...I think I just learned something about pheromones...

:thumbsup:

[bjf]

There's no reason to believe

pheromones are just going to invoke passion. Every person is attracted to a general pheromone profile, based on

their experiences when they were young. If you notice, babies are incredibly attuned to pheromones. They won't

stop staring at you, even if no one else is giving reactions.

Anyway, you get drawn to people with those

profiles in adulthood. Put on synthetic pheromones, and you have a new profile. Maybe it is one that your partner

will be attracted to, or maybe not.

[Pancho1188]

Well, following the idea that

-mone distributors tell you...aka "you shower away your -mones every day!"...I usually follow the belief that -mones

just put an added shot into your sexual/masculine/protective presence. I always thought of -mones more of a way to

get someone to think of sex/masculinity/protection when looking at you more than the way dogs do...sniffing each

other's rear ends for identification purposes.

Plus, most people say that -mones won't 'work' on people who

know you well. They say that if you're in a LJBF relationship, it'll stay that way. Therefore, who's to say

that -mones would just completely change someone's view of you or get them to break up with you?

When I say,

"invoke passion" as you put it, I just mean get your SO in that gear by changing her thoughts to more frisky subject

matters...you should be able to do the rest. A good example is one person's posts who said that wearing -mones

drove his wife crazy and got her to get more sexual...

In other words, I think of -mones of more of a mood

enhancer than an identity changer...

[bjf]

I think Dantheman's GF definitely

was turned off by what he was wearing, that's all :)

[Pancho1188]

Agreed. ;)

[koolking1]

Her response I would think

is not typical. My Sue has known me for over 5 years and when I wear mones her "horny" meter always goes up.

[CptKipling]

Her response I

would think is not typical. My Sue has known me for over 5 years and when I wear mones her "horny" meter always goes

up.
That has been my experience aswell (although not with such a long term relationship).

P.S there is

some discussion of the dopamine/reward responce shutting down in the archives, if you are interested look it up.

[DrSmellThis]

Her response

I would think is not typical. My Sue has known me for over 5 years and when I wear mones her "horny" meter always

goes up. I will say that Sue seems to be a nice catch for you.

I hope she got her Pheros after

all that waiting, BTW.

[DanTHEman]

Thanks guys, many good points

were made here. I totally support the "love is a drug" theory as I have had many friends go through the 1 1/2 year

woes.. I think it was a combination of things. The "love is a drug" theory, her past boyfriend being an abusive

Alpha Male, and the Pheromone usage giving me a more 'alpha male' aura that might have triggered a defense

response due to her experiences w/her Ex, etc.

Funny you should mention Pancho, about the part of the brain

that deals with love being the same that deals with OCD. She does have a bit of OCD, and can't leave her house

w/out runnning back in at least 3-4 times to check and make sure the iron is unplugged, the stove is off, the hair

dryer is unpluged, etc, etc, etc.. Maybe there's something to that too! The fact that she went totally from

wanting to marry me and have kids to turning 'cold fish' just out of the blues further supports the "love is a

drug" posibility.

Anyway, I did spend a bit over a week away from her, just to see if I could make her miss me,

and she is starting to call two or three times daily again. I jokingly told her she's allowed unlimited calls as a

girlfriend, but only 2 a week as a "friend" :) She's now in the process of buying a house, so I'm not sure if

she's using that as an excuse to call or because she needs to talk to someone about how things are going (loan,

inspection, closing, etc) if if she genuinly misses me. She also had me come over yesterday because she was

'having problems with her BBQ Gille' and did seem very friendly and gave me the warmest, nicest hug she's given

in a while. She got me going, but I decided to play it off and not tell her I've missed her or take it further

though I easily could have!

In any case, I just found out today that I may have to relocate from Florida to

Georgia since the company I work with, or at least the one we merged with based out of Alpharetta, GA has desolved

my position (my entire department) to run it from there. The move will be happening as soon as next week (and they

just told us today???? WTF??). I just love corporate America.. Sooo.. Time to move on relationshipwise as well.

No use even trying a long distance relationship with her, at least not a serious or long-term one.

So there we

have it, it was just not meant to be I guess..

[Pancho1188]

So there we

have it, it was just not meant to be I guess..
That's the second time someone said that on the forum

today! It must be the whole fall ending things... :)