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View Full Version : Coffee Break Reading...Thursday in the a.m.



MOBLEYC57
09-01-2004, 06:38 PM
Hiya!:twisted:

A good old cup of coffee, and some good reading material befo work....What could be

a better way to start off your first September's Thursday!?:thumbsup:

CONVERSATION OF THE UNEMPLOYED:rant:


Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy,

you don't know nothing about no lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes

at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick

it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big

claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I takes that whip they all carry,

and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth,

and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?" "Well, then I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him." "Well,

what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?" "Well, then I'll pick up some of the sh!t that's on the

bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage faster than lightening!!" "Well, what if

there ain't no sh!t in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?" "Well, that's a darn right dumb IF!!!!

Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun

don't work, there's going to be some sh!t on the bottom of that cage, you can damn well bet on that!! A whole lot

of sh!t, too!!!"

A WOMAN’S POINT OF VIEW:wub:

A man and a woman are having some drinks and they get into a

discussion about who enjoys sex more. The man says, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re

so obsessed with getting laid!?" "That does not prove a damn thing!," says the woman. "Think about it this way; when

your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better,

your ear or your finger?"

WHAT WE HAVE HERE, IS A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING:think:

A huge muscular man walks

into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to

compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The

big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I

got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting

next to a stream." So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you

3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a

beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body

and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge

that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I

looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She

nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!" Later, as we lay there next to each other,

sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it

be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

GRANDMA KNOWS!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

A young

girl was going on her first date. Her grandmother said: "Sit and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going

to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that! He is going to try and feel your

breast, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that! But most important, he is going to try and get on

top of you to have his way with you. You are going to love that, but don't let him do that, because it will

disgrace our family!" With that bit of advice the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that

her date went just like she had predicted. Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace our family. When he tried I just

turned over, got on top of him and disgraced HIS family!" Grandma fainted!

BLONDE, PERHAPS?:box:

Three

pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch when one of them says, "I know that I'm going to have a boy." The

other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says, "OK, how do you know you're going to have

a boy?" "Well, when the child was conceived," says the first women, "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl." "O.K.,"

says the first one, "how do you know you're going to have a girl?" "Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the

bottom. So I'm going to have a girl." They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously getting

more and more distressed, until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing? "What's wrong, what's wrong?" the

first two women ask with concern. The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say one thing,

"I'm going to have a puppy!"

REVERSING WITH AGE:POKE:

Two elderly Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on a

bench during break time and one turns to the other saying, "Slim, I'm 73 years old and I'm just full of aches and

pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new born babe." Rather amazed

at this reply, Slim's co-worker repeats his statement back in the form of a question, "Really? A new born babe???"

"Yup," grins Slim, "No teeth, No hair, and I think I just pissed my pants!"

JOB INTERVIEW:run:

An office

manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes

he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference

room table the interviewer asked: "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging the first man on his right,

the man replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just

there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?"

he asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A

BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ... that's a very

popular cliche for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's

ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across

the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can

think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to

beat the speed of light" he said. Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

"It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?", said the interviewer, stunned by the

response. "Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for

the bathroom. But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already sh!t my pants!" HE GOT THE

JOB..................