Hindsight is 20/20

[InternationalPlayboy]

Friendly1's thread, "So, you're NOT getting any hits with

the pheromones? (http://pherolibrary.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11370)," and specifically the statement below reminded me of a missed

opportunity:


Now, when I think back to the few times we passed as we were getting our mail,

she was giving me MAJOR BUYING SIGNALS. She would stop and talk to me. What an IDIOT I was! I mean, I was a totally

blind, stinking, stupid fool of a moron.

Women used to hit on me all the time, and I never knew

it.



This was pre-pheromone days, the late 1970s. I was in my late teens, working at a movie

theatre. We had a staff meeting before work and as we all stood around the manager, one girl bumped my arm with her

breast. Thinking it was an accident, I moved away, only to be bumped again a few seconds later. I, being a dummy and

some what shy, again moved away.

A few weeks later, the girl was going out with another usher from the

theatre. They were married a year or two later. She was attractive and her family had money. I still kick myself to

this day thinking that the bumps weren't so much accidental than a signal for some attention, which I realized

after she started dating the other usher.

Anyone else get dense like that, only to realize after it was too

late that that was a signal? Post your stories here if you have them.

[ManBeast]

The number of times I have been

dense like that are too numerous to list... and that's just since I've gotten to college! :D

MB

[Holmes]

The number of

times I have been dense like that are too numerous to list...

Same here.

[camusflage]

one

girl bumped my arm with her breast.
While your description is accurate, around here, we like to call it

"getting boobed". I seem to get boobed A LOT when I wear NPA.. That would be why I don't wear NPA to work anymore.

:)

[Canucky Guy]

Been there, done that, kicked

myself in the face so many times I've learned to pick my nose with my toes.

[Friendly1]

When I was a teenager, I was

sitting at a piano with a gorgeous, sexually active girl. I reached over to play something in a higher octave and

felt her breast rub against my arm. I apologized and she said, "It wasn't an accident." Now, I ain't going into

the story about that girl. It's too long. Fortunately, I didn't marry her. But that was an eye-opening

experience for a then inexperienced boy.

When you get a headlight moment from a girl (or woman), unless she is

really off-balance, I don't believe it's accidental. They want you to know they are interested and perhaps a

little turned on. Or, sometimes they may just be teasing. We're not allowed to reach out and grab a handful, but

they're allowed to lean in and give us a massage.

Accept what comes, don't cry about the rules.

[bjf]

It's a case of you never know. Some

of them do it on purpose, but as happens in crowded bars and clubs, even guys, girls and animals will bump into you.

Accidental or not, you can always use it as an opportunity to get some conversation started.

[BaseB3383]

It's a case of you

never know. Some of them do it on purpose, but as happens in crowded bars and clubs, even guys, girls and animals

will bump into you. Accidental or not, you can always use it as an opportunity to get some conversation

started.Some guys even bump into me on purpose. Usually that's when I notice my wallet is missing.

:frustrate

[bjf]

The fact that everyone is inhebriated

and isn't walking straight doesn't help. Especially the darker places where you can't hear or see as well.



At the same time, some women definitely do it intentionally.

[cuddlebear]

I think every one of us has

had the frustrating experience of saying the words, "How did I miss that?" ... live and learn, sometimes very

slowly ...

[Canucky Guy]

Sometimes if you miss it the

first time, you don't want to cross analyze it later. It can be very painful.

[ManBeast]

I figured out yet another one

today...

MB

[DrSmellThis]

This type of thing has

happened to me hundreds of times, at least; but it is also "the woman's" error. If "she" was truly interested in me

she failed to get my attention. I was no more stupid than the next guy, so whatever mating rituals that may have

"half-happened" were impractically executed.

We live in a culture of isolation. It is not just men's fault.

There are no real universal, efficient ways for people to hook up.

Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs?



http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/hierarchy.gi

f (http://web.utk.edu/cgi-bin/imagemap/~gwynne/path/hierarchy.map)

There are too many fundamental physical and survival issues everywhere for people to be concerned

about sexual relations. It has often been this way on the earth, of course -- but rarely for the whole human race.

What is also unique is that indiscriminate procreation is now a hindrance to the survival of humans. Procreation has

ceased to be the solution to global survival crises it was in the past. If population-related survival crises abate,

on the other hand, people will again get into procreating. The required pheromones will be in the atmosphere for all

to smell. In the mean time, we just have to do what we can.

[Pancho1188]

I'm not sure what this has to

do with anything, so excuse my ramblings:


This type of thing has happened to me hundreds of

times, at least; but it is also "the woman's" error. If "she" was truly interested in me she failed to get my

attention. I was no more stupid than the next guy, so whatever mating rituals that may have "half-happened" were

impractically executed.

We live in a culture of isolation. It is not just men's fault. There are no real

universal, efficient ways for people to hook up.

Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs?



http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/hierarchy.gi

f (http://web.utk.edu/cgi-bin/imagemap/~gwynne/path/hierarchy.map)

There are too many fundamental physical and survival issues everywhere for people to be concerned

about sexual relations. It has often been this way on the earth, of course -- but rarely for the whole human race.

What is also unique is that indiscriminate procreation is now a hindrance to the survival of humans. Procreation has

ceased to be the solution to global survival crises it was in the past. If population-related survival crises abate,

on the other hand, people will again get into procreating. The required pheromones will be in the atmosphere for all

to smell. In the mean time, we just have to do what we can.
I disagree with this...I actually think that

it's the opposite in many cases. You know those "spoiled brats" we talk about all of the time who have it so good

and never had to worry about basic necessities like food and shelter? In fact, the number one reason

children/teenagers cite as the reason for having sex, doing drugs, and committing other inappropriate acts is

"Boredom". Think about that. Since the first two needs are almost guaranteed to the new generation in the US, they

need to find other ways to keep themselves occupied. Love is the next stop on there, which I would include sex in

there somewhere. Love on the hierarchy includes belonging, etc., so people will do crazy things from peer pressure

or just to do something with friends to be part of a group. Since a teenager's self-esteem is far from developed

and is very fragile, I'd say that they are stuck on the third level for most of that period. That being said, I

think sex becomes a big part.

However, you may be referring to later time periods, for instance mine where I

need to work to have food and shelter, thus putting my love life on the 'back-burner' so to speak. In that

respect, I'd agree, but since I have food and shelter, I would also say that I'm more on the third level as well,

and I'd take any shot I could get at forming a love relationship.

I think I'm off the mark on what DST was

getting at, so I'll try to circle back. I think the "cultural isolation" pretty much sums it up. People are bred

to be independent and self-sufficient, and the work environment and world has become so inpersonal that you can't

even touch someone without being afraid of getting sued. Women can't go after guys because they might be seen as

slutty or might find a bad seed and get hurt or something. In this society, it's just hard for people to get

together because everyone has to look out for #1 and people are so focused on their own lives and how to get through

that they don't have time to let someone else in as it costs time, money, effort, and potential danger such as

having children you can't afford to raise or getting weird diseases or meeting a psycho or something.

Just like

children, relationships have become much more of a burden than a gift (looking at it from one perspective), and if

it weren't for that inherent need to breed, people definitely wouldn't be getting together as often as they do.



I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I was just trying to help people out who think that they make

all kinds of mistakes. The point is that, as DST said, it's getting harder and harder to meet people in this

isolated society. In addition, I believe that there's an unspoken pressure on women to be independent, and since

they are more of the 'choosers' rather than the 'pursuers' when it comes to relationships and mating, they have

this ability to hold off on that sort of thing as long as they need to when finding the right person. Therefore, if

you miss their signals that they may or may not even be aware they're giving, they move on.

Moral of the story:

Don't smack yourself for missing a potential opportunity. Life is hard in this new society. You'll eventually

click with someone. It just takes a helluva lot longer than before because of all of the new problems.

[Holmes]

I'm not sure

what this has to do with anything, so excuse my ramblings:


I disagree with this...I actually think that

it's the opposite in many cases. You know those "spoiled brats" we talk about all of the time who have it so good

and never had to worry about basic necessities like food and shelter? In fact, the number one reason

children/teenagers cite as the reason for having sex, doing drugs, and committing other inappropriate acts is

"Boredom". Think about that. Since the first two needs are almost guaranteed to the new generation in the

US, they need to find other ways to keep themselves occupied. Love is the next stop on there, which I would

include sex in there somewhere. Love on the hierarchy includes belonging, etc., so people will do crazy things from

peer pressure or just to do something with friends to be part of a group. Since a teenager's self-esteem is far

from developed and is very fragile, I'd say that they are stuck on the third level for most of that period. That

being said, I think sex becomes a big part.

However, you may be referring to later time periods, for

instance mine where I need to work to have food and shelter, thus putting my love life on the 'back-burner' so to

speak. In that respect, I'd agree, but since I have food and shelter, I would also say that I'm more on the third

level as well, and I'd take any shot I could get at forming a love relationship.

I think I'm off the mark

on what DST was getting at, so I'll try to circle back. I think the "cultural isolation" pretty much sums it up.

People are bred to be independent and self-sufficient, and the work environment and world has become so inpersonal

that you can't even touch someone without being afraid of getting sued. Women can't go after guys because they

might be seen as slutty or might find a bad seed and get hurt or something. In this society, it's just hard for

people to get together because everyone has to look out for #1 and people are so focused on their own lives and how

to get through that they don't have time to let someone else in as it costs time, money, effort, and potential

danger such as having children you can't afford to raise or getting weird diseases or meeting a psycho or

something.

Just like children, relationships have become much more of a burden than a gift (looking at it

from one perspective), and if it weren't for that inherent need to breed, people definitely wouldn't be getting

together as often as they do.

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I was just trying to help

people out who think that they make all kinds of mistakes. The point is that, as DST said, it's getting harder and

harder to meet people in this isolated society. In addition, I believe that there's an unspoken pressure on women

to be independent, and since they are more of the 'choosers' rather than the 'pursuers' when it comes to

relationships and mating, they have this ability to hold off on that sort of thing as long as they need to when

finding the right person. Therefore, if you miss their signals that they may or may not even be aware they're

giving, they move on.

Moral of the story: Don't smack yourself for missing a potential opportunity. Life

is hard in this new society. You'll eventually click with someone. It just takes a helluva lot longer than before

because of all of the new problems.

Not necessarily.

Otherwise, good post.

[Friendly1]

If you miss an opportunity, it

IS your fault for missing it, not the other person's. Men fail to take responsibility for their actions all the

time nowadays. The girl is not obligated to throw herself at every man who comes her way. In fact, so many girls

are hit on by men all the time, most of them never HAVE to come on to a guy -- not if all they want is a guy on

their arm.

When a girl comes on to you, and she is attractive, she is opening a door -- maybe only just to slam

it in your face, but maybe because she thinks you stand out. If you don't see what is happening, it's not her

fault.

We don't teach boys how to flirt, how to court, or how to be a man. Not in the United States. That's

the bottom line.

Now, since here in the US we don't normally marry our daughters off at 12 or 14, it's okay to

repress the boys' flirting skills for a few years. But if the boys don't pick up the tricks in high school or

college, they find themselves out in the real world with nothing to fall back on.

I would say at least half the

guys I know are like that, if not more. Many of them have had few satisfactory relationships. I have a group of

friends from college who have been married for years, but if their marriages ended today, they would be lost. I run

into older guys all the time who leer at young women and girls, who try to come on to them with no tact or class

whatsoever, and who generally do everything wrong and everything possible to give credence to the Dirty Old Man

stereotype.

I was sitting in a hospital cafeteria this weekend and a couple of teenage girls walked in. They

were wearing t-shirts and shorts. One of them looked really cute, so I watched her as I finished my lunch. Then I

noticed an old man, maybe 70 years old, had caught sight of the girls. Now, the older girl looked like she MIGHT

have been flirting with me just a little, but she quickly closed up on me. The old man slowly focused all his

attention on them. He ended up leering at her in classic fashion. Suddenly, I understood how that can creep a girl

out.

I'm not about to smack myself over some teenage girl. But I do say it's important for guys to look back

and see where they did miss opportunities.

If you don't learn from your mistakes, you'll continue to make

them. And if you don't take responsibility for your mistakes, you'll never learn from them.

[Pancho1188]

Not

necessarily.

Otherwise, good post.
I agree with your comment. Many people wonder if they're going to

live through the night or whatever because of crime, violence, paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle, war on terror,

disease, etc. I figured that I'm not speaking to that type of crowd in this post, though. I made the assumption

that people who could spend disposable income on -mones could support themselves and have a decent place to lay

their heads relatively safely.


Good comment.

[surfs_up]

And the dating sites are specialized too. You can choose anything you want from pure, no excuses pay to

play venues such as theeroticreview.com that has an extensive review database, some that offer psychological

compatibility testing, including one that I was astounded to see performed criminal background checks on its

members... sort of a USDA approval stamp... then you have you free form love-lust-marriage partner spots like

lavalife.com

Although they are engineered to specific interests they all have simplification of the hook up

process in common. It would be impossible to know that much about 300-400 potential connections through the

traditional dating process.

Flirting skills are giving way to writing skills. He or She who communicates best

gets the goodies. It is as if there has been an unspoken revolution in how you find you significant and

semi-significant others.

The level of this technology is crude although it will certainly grow to be

radically more sophisticated within 5 years as entrepreneurs learn what works and what doesn't work.