Numanoid
07-08-2004, 02:16 PM
Women's humor:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to
me, "What setting do I use
on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back,
"University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the
shower, "honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like
this?"
"Probably that I
married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
love to you
really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good
idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She
said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A
rumor
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been such a devoted
couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female
companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
AND THE BEST ONE YET...
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at
the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the
cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of
the milk carton
A PRAYER....
Dear
Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
One day my housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to
me, "What setting do I use
on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back,
"University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the
shower, "honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like
this?"
"Probably that I
married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
love to you
really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good
idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She
said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A
rumor
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been such a devoted
couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female
companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
AND THE BEST ONE YET...
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at
the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the
cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of
the milk carton
A PRAYER....
Dear
Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN