The very first thing

[cuddlebear]

OK, here's a

question for our lady friends ...

What is the VERY FIRST THING that comes to mind when you see a man? I have

always been very interested in this IMMEDIATE reaction that happens usually before we are close enough to work any

mone magic.

What is the first thought in your mind and what is the first thing you judge the man on?



Give me some input, and I'm sure the guys here will gladly help answer the same question for the ladies

:)

[CJ01]

Cuddlybeary, it´s a difficult one to

answer! Try to think of what you notice in a woman and what is important to you when you check out a woman and

that´s pretty much what us girls look at too :) Men and women are not that different at all. Sorry if I can´t give

you a concrete answer but frankly there isn´t one basically :p

Remember that what you see of a person will

always depend on the situation. For instance, when a person is sitting down you can´t check out their bum and if

they´re seated at a table you will always notice just what is visible of them so you focus on what you can see.


The overall behaviour is important in any case at least to me personally.

CJ

[cuddlebear]

Thanks for the response, CJ!

:) I guess what I am curious about is "is your first reaction mental, emotional or physical?" .. I can tell you

right off a guy's first reaction is going to be physical, certain body parts if he can see them, the ones that are

left if he can't ... Keep up the input, sexy ladies of L-S! :)

[cuddlebear]

Actually, you already gave me

a very good clue when you said "the overall behavior is important" ... thanks again for your input :)

[bjf]

So many women are in their own little

worlds, they don't notice us :)

[cuddlebear]

Ladies, is this true, what bjf

is saying? I've noticed this too, but want to get the ladies' viewpoints ...

[SweetBrenda]

First thing I look for in a

guy... Teeth a guy with a nice smile says a lot specially nice teeth definately a turn on.;) I like to dance so

usually a guy that knows how to dance shows me he got the right moves for just anything..:lovestruc :D

[SweetBrenda]

Cuddlybeary, it´s

a difficult one to answer! Try to think of what you notice in a woman and what is important to you when you check

out a woman and that´s pretty much what us girls look at too :) Men and women are not that different at all. Sorry

if I can´t give you a concrete answer but frankly there isn´t one basically :p

Remember that what you see of a

person will always depend on the situation. For instance, when a person is sitting down you can´t check out their

bum and if they´re seated at a table you will always notice just what is visible of them so you focus on what you

can see.
The overall behaviour is important in any case at least to me personally.

CJHey this was

good :thumbsup:

[CJ01]

So many women are in

their own little worlds, they don't notice us :)
That´s true I guess, once I didn´t notice a post until I

walked into it :D

CB, sex always starts in the brain. I usually think: shaggable or not shaggable and then nice

or not nice etc... (I guess :think: )
CJ

[CJ01]

I guess what I am curious about

is "is your first reaction mental, emotional or physical?" .. I can tell you right off a guy's first reaction is

going to be physical, certain body parts if he can see them, the ones that are left if he can't ... Do

you mean the reaction of a guy or what he notices?

[cuddlebear]

I mean that

the very first thing that comes to his mind is physical ... a chemical reaction, immediately.

I have

noticed it isn't quite that way with females ... so often I've gotten rapt attention from females, apparently just

because I had a certain expression on my face ... DST referred to the phenomenon as "a momentary glint in my

eye".

I think there is a different sequence with women than with men, when it comes to what they notice.

That is why I started this thread ...

Now I'm going to go brush my teeth and learn to dance :p

[CJ01]

You mean it is physical if you fancy a

woman but not when you don´t. It´s not that different for us to be honest.
Things like these always require an

analysis of some sort which I don´t like dwelling on too much frankly and not every person is always the same

either.

I have noticed it isn't quite that way with females ... How? I mean no you can´t really

tell, chicks don´t get erections.. :D :D

I wouldn´t worry about such little details because they´re not

important at all imo :) Who cares what the other person sees or thinks first or whatever as long as they´re

friendly and you get on with them -that´s all what matters in the end.

[bjf]

That last bit was some good wisdom

CJ01. At least from my perspective, as I am so focused on first impressions.

[sophie]

This may be an odd answer, but I

don't care, it's what I think of.

Right away I try to feel if there's any chemistry, not just the mones,

but with some guys you just feel the heat working (I guess this is where pheros can help, to tell the truth).

There's a connection that is just there, or it's not there. After some conversation then you really know.



With some guys you just know there's no heat, and if it happens, it's by getting to be friends first.

That's not bad either. It just takes more time.

Looks don't really matter to me. I guess I judge on Heat

or No heat. That's just me. Call me crazy. :)

although I will say part of the Heat comes from self

confidence. That is a big thing, and you don't have to be a classically hot dude to have that.

[cuddlebear]

Nothing "odd"

about that answer at all, Sophie! This is exactly the kind of input I've been looking for ... I am really

grateful for all the replies from girls and guys on this thread ... it is really enlightening ...

And your

answer is very interesting indeed .. I am very interested in the "Chemistry" "Heat" "Energy" angle of all this,

and I think a lot of the key lies precisely in this area.

Great post !!

[perfidia]

Hi, contrary to my avatar and

signature, I'm not a gay man, I'm a heterosexual woman... I believe (quite like Sophie, I think) that I sense an

attraction before I'm conscious of it-- First I'm drawn to a person and then I turn and see him, so naturally the

next thing I notice is their appearance. One man I met when he was quite drunk and I was not attracted in the

slightest, but I met him again when he was sober and was immediately, quite ridiculously attracted to him-- I think

that was at least partly due to the alcohol messing with his chemistry, not merely that drunken men are generally

repulsive!

[DrSmellThis]

This is a great insight,

perfidasince the liver needs to be functioning properly for the sex hormones to be, and so on. Welcome to the

forum!

[DCW]

The face and hair then my eyes start

moving down for some strange reason.
Your eyes say a lot about you as well.

Here a question, have you

every met someone and without having spoken a word, you feel that you know a lot about them, Like their temperament,

and other personal characteristics just by the vibe the give off without any word being sent?


DCW

[DefconX3]

Here a question, have

you every met someone and without having spoken a word, you feel that you know a lot about them, Like their

temperament, and other personal characteristics just by the vibe the give off without any word being

sent?

Thats exactly what I was going to say, that really tells me a lot. I usually get vibes from

people that I am going to be involved with in the future before I even say a word to them.

[burgerama1960]

I'm with DCW on this one,

face and hair gets me goin but then i am easy to please.

[sophie]

These last few posts made me think

(talking about not a word being spoken), that I also have a thing about voices. Some men have a certain timbre of

voice that just rings my bells. It's nothing specific, it's just their particular way of speaking. Maybe it's

combined with other signals, but definitely it's something to consider.

[koolking1]

Okay, this is Sue. I rarely

speak, unless I have an opinion.

What first attracts me to a man? The face. Whatever iconic movie actor

it may remind me of, to set me off. Tim (of Home Improvement). Liam Neeson. Bill Clinton. Kevin Spacey (sorry! I

know he's gay). Richard Burton. Sean Connery. The rugged but smooth type ... like Bill.

The eyes. The

windows to the soul. Which, by the way, only works if the guy is serene enough to let the soul shine out. (Ask me

sometime about my theory of the "shell" that people put around themselves.)

The voice. Has to be deep and

resonant. Barry White or close to him. Just me, sorry. I don't like wimpy little voices.

Then, once most

of that has happened .(and, I repeat, after MOST that has happened, or I won't get close enough to take a second

look) ... the scent. Under the arms. If the natural pheromones aren't compatible, forget it. Any volume of

artificial pheromones are NOT going to mask that essential male scent. And if it's compatible with me, I'm

totally gone. If it's not, I'm totally gone ... in the other direction.

[DrSmellThis]

Nice post, Sue.

[Lucky]

How did Sue get to be me?



Ditto everything, Sue...you are a keen woman.

[Holmes]

(Ask me sometime about

my theory of the "shell" that people put around themselves.)

Well? I'm asking. :D

[DrSmellThis]

Sue is one of my favorite

female posters here, but I admit I'm biased because she liked my perfume (what an ego!). Nonetheless, her posts are

consistently good.

[koolking1]

I'll let Sue know she has

a query on here and hopefully she'll have time to get online tomorrow and answer it, she's fast asleep at the

moment!!!

[koolking1]

This is Sue. The

shell theory? Well, it can become complicated (as you'll soon see, from the length of this post), but here it

is:

Everyone has a certain amount of "shell" around them; i.e., defenses; armor; a shield; in some cases, a

fortress! In other words, the person hardly ever lets others see who they really are.

It's really simple

and obvious. You've all thought about how other folks you know are "reserved" or "remote." I've thought about a

lot of people I know in terms of shell theory, just on a mental whim one night. It doesn't really have any

practical application, though. Just a way of looking at people in a different way that can be

interesting.

Really, everyone has a shell of some sort. Some people let theirs down more and are more

honest, show their real face, more of the time. Others let it down only in certain circumstances: with a lover,

after having a drink or two, after smoking a J, or all of the above.

BUT, since this is a thread about what

attracts women most, here is a perverse twist on shell theory. Women aren't necessarily attracted to men who have

NO shell, or very little. But what truly drives us crazy is the man who projects an air of confidence AND has a

huge shell. This is a challenge to us. We HAVE to get in there! But, fellows, do not let us ... Without that air

of confidence and calm, plus the shell that keeps part of the man private and unknown, we lose interest ......

[bjf]

Well I guess that is why so many

women are lesbians. 99 percent of all men don't speak like Barry Mantilow, half don't come equipped with social

phobias and a quarter are drunk, which leaves less than half a percent of the male population to choose from.

[DrSmellThis]

:cool: :cool: :cool: :wub:

In reality, the project of knowing yourself completely would be

lifetimes of work. And there is no possibility of others ever thoroughly knowing you. Yet Sue

tells it like it is. How could that be?

Fundamentally, a desire for "mysteriousness," per se, could be

based in a woman's own fear of being superficial, boring, empty, or even unlikeable. This fear would be

projected toward genuine men, whose transparency would feel threatening. After all, her own "cover might be

blown" if she has to reciprocate in that level of sharing.

If this were the only reason for the mystery

phenomenon, I'd have little constructive use for women who were turned off by knowing a lot in a short period of

time about the "real me."

But there are other reasons for finding a sense of mystery attractive. Women seemingly

like to discover a man; to tell their very own story about him. This brings a sense of control, choice; and

reciprocity in situations where men are the initiators. Women don't seem to want to be merely passive consumers of

pre-packaged stories told by others. Just as we learn things best on our own rather than by reading them, or hearing

them; discovery leads to a deeper intimacy. And women tend to be intimacy connoisseurs. ;)

For our part as men,

when people have to earn the priviledge of knowing us intimately and personally, we are demonstrating good

boundaries, social skills, and self esteem. We are keeping our sense of privacy intact; and protecting ourselves

from masses of idiots who'd as soon judge us harshly as look at us.

When we share too much, it is often out of

narcissism or neediness; or perhaps insecurity about the adequacy of what we've already shown. These

are not favorable mating qualities for "providers, protectors, and/or sperm donors".

On the other hand,

once you get into a relationship further with someone, things usually change. Projecting an air of mystery might

become annoying to any woman with a sense of wonderment and self esteem.

[Holmes]

Good post!

You too, Sue.

Thanks for the explanation and hope you stop by more often.

[cuddlebear]

Very interesting responses,

indeed!! Thanks to all for the input and to any of the ladies who are reading and haven't posted your thoughts,

please do! :)

[koolking1]

Suzy here.

Whoa! I'm

still thinking about that message from the good doctor!

I think you have, as usual, said it all--and

eloquently as well!

I'll try to compose a response but have none at the moment. Just much to think

about.

[LadyWithQuestions]

I agree with CJ01. It

depends on the circumstances that will determine that kind of reactions.......Mental or Physical. I notice that

there seems to be an immediate attraction, or "natural chemistry" when I meet certain men for the first time, which

leaves me all flustered. Other times, I am greatly impressed (or DIS-impressed) by the first "visual"......the

style of dress, physique, mannerisms, personality, etc. There are so many factors for a woman, I think. While we

don't IMMEDIATELY think "sex," that CAN be a natural response if there is chemistry or something else about the guy

that really impresses us in one way or another. And then again, MY first response isn't "SEX." It's "ROMANCE"

and I tend to fantasize all kinds of romantic things about the guy. Just our interesting differences, I guess.

=)
LWQ

[koolking1]

This is Sue. I agree with LWQ

completely! The first attractant is definitely the romance for a woman. And the romance can be based on anything

for any individual, depending on their psyche. I'm sure that LWQ is discovering what her own "romance" formula

consists of. Given that the romance factor is in place, though, sometimes the sex ends up being a big

disappointment! What a winning combination when you find BOTH!

Sometimes we are turned off by the visual,

and yet, there might something about the fellow, if you give him a chance. Sometimes, even if the visual and the

romance aren't there, you can be surprised and delighted by the sex. (One discovers this in swinging. Otherwise

you wouldn't be in a situation where you'd give the other guy a second look.)