View Full Version : The very first thing
cuddlebear
07-04-2004, 03:00 PM
OK, here's a
question for our lady friends ...
What is the VERY FIRST THING that comes to mind when you see a man? I have
always been very interested in this IMMEDIATE reaction that happens usually before we are close enough to work any
mone magic.
What is the first thought in your mind and what is the first thing you judge the man on?
Give me some input, and I'm sure the guys here will gladly help answer the same question for the ladies
:)
Cuddlybeary, it´s a difficult one to
answer! Try to think of what you notice in a woman and what is important to you when you check out a woman and
that´s pretty much what us girls look at too :) Men and women are not that different at all. Sorry if I can´t give
you a concrete answer but frankly there isn´t one basically :p
Remember that what you see of a person will
always depend on the situation. For instance, when a person is sitting down you can´t check out their bum and if
they´re seated at a table you will always notice just what is visible of them so you focus on what you can see.
The overall behaviour is important in any case at least to me personally.
CJ
cuddlebear
07-04-2004, 03:15 PM
Thanks for the response, CJ!
:) I guess what I am curious about is "is your first reaction mental, emotional or physical?" .. I can tell you
right off a guy's first reaction is going to be physical, certain body parts if he can see them, the ones that are
left if he can't ... Keep up the input, sexy ladies of L-S! :)
cuddlebear
07-04-2004, 03:16 PM
Actually, you already gave me
a very good clue when you said "the overall behavior is important" ... thanks again for your input :)
So many women are in their own little
worlds, they don't notice us :)
cuddlebear
07-04-2004, 06:10 PM
Ladies, is this true, what bjf
is saying? I've noticed this too, but want to get the ladies' viewpoints ...
SweetBrenda
07-04-2004, 08:45 PM
First thing I look for in a
guy... Teeth a guy with a nice smile says a lot specially nice teeth definately a turn on.;) I like to dance so
usually a guy that knows how to dance shows me he got the right moves for just anything..:lovestruc :D
SweetBrenda
07-04-2004, 08:48 PM
Cuddlybeary, it´s
a difficult one to answer! Try to think of what you notice in a woman and what is important to you when you check
out a woman and that´s pretty much what us girls look at too :) Men and women are not that different at all. Sorry
if I can´t give you a concrete answer but frankly there isn´t one basically :p
Remember that what you see of a
person will always depend on the situation. For instance, when a person is sitting down you can´t check out their
bum and if they´re seated at a table you will always notice just what is visible of them so you focus on what you
can see.
The overall behaviour is important in any case at least to me personally.
CJHey this was
good :thumbsup:
So many women are in
their own little worlds, they don't notice us :)
That´s true I guess, once I didn´t notice a post until I
walked into it :D
CB, sex always starts in the brain. I usually think: shaggable or not shaggable and then nice
or not nice etc... (I guess :think: )
CJ
I guess what I am curious about
is "is your first reaction mental, emotional or physical?" .. I can tell you right off a guy's first reaction is
going to be physical, certain body parts if he can see them, the ones that are left if he can't ... Do
you mean the reaction of a guy or what he notices?
cuddlebear
07-05-2004, 07:37 AM
I mean that
the very first thing that comes to his mind is physical ... a chemical reaction, immediately.
I have
noticed it isn't quite that way with females ... so often I've gotten rapt attention from females, apparently just
because I had a certain expression on my face ... DST referred to the phenomenon as "a momentary glint in my
eye".
I think there is a different sequence with women than with men, when it comes to what they notice.
That is why I started this thread ...
Now I'm going to go brush my teeth and learn to dance :p
You mean it is physical if you fancy a
woman but not when you don´t. It´s not that different for us to be honest.
Things like these always require an
analysis of some sort which I don´t like dwelling on too much frankly and not every person is always the same
either.
I have noticed it isn't quite that way with females ... How? I mean no you can´t really
tell, chicks don´t get erections.. :D :D
I wouldn´t worry about such little details because they´re not
important at all imo :) Who cares what the other person sees or thinks first or whatever as long as they´re
friendly and you get on with them -that´s all what matters in the end.
That last bit was some good wisdom
CJ01. At least from my perspective, as I am so focused on first impressions.
sophie
07-05-2004, 04:55 PM
This may be an odd answer, but I
don't care, it's what I think of.
Right away I try to feel if there's any chemistry, not just the mones,
but with some guys you just feel the heat working (I guess this is where pheros can help, to tell the truth).
There's a connection that is just there, or it's not there. After some conversation then you really know.
With some guys you just know there's no heat, and if it happens, it's by getting to be friends first.
That's not bad either. It just takes more time.
Looks don't really matter to me. I guess I judge on Heat
or No heat. That's just me. Call me crazy. :)
although I will say part of the Heat comes from self
confidence. That is a big thing, and you don't have to be a classically hot dude to have that.
cuddlebear
07-05-2004, 05:05 PM
Nothing "odd"
about that answer at all, Sophie! This is exactly the kind of input I've been looking for ... I am really
grateful for all the replies from girls and guys on this thread ... it is really enlightening ...
And your
answer is very interesting indeed .. I am very interested in the "Chemistry" "Heat" "Energy" angle of all this,
and I think a lot of the key lies precisely in this area.
Great post !!
perfidia
07-05-2004, 07:43 PM
Hi, contrary to my avatar and
signature, I'm not a gay man, I'm a heterosexual woman... I believe (quite like Sophie, I think) that I sense an
attraction before I'm conscious of it-- First I'm drawn to a person and then I turn and see him, so naturally the
next thing I notice is their appearance. One man I met when he was quite drunk and I was not attracted in the
slightest, but I met him again when he was sober and was immediately, quite ridiculously attracted to him-- I think
that was at least partly due to the alcohol messing with his chemistry, not merely that drunken men are generally
repulsive!
DrSmellThis
07-06-2004, 03:30 AM
This is a great insight,
perfidasince the liver needs to be functioning properly for the sex hormones to be, and so on. Welcome to the
forum!
The face and hair then my eyes start
moving down for some strange reason.
Your eyes say a lot about you as well.
Here a question, have you
every met someone and without having spoken a word, you feel that you know a lot about them, Like their temperament,
and other personal characteristics just by the vibe the give off without any word being sent?
DCW
DefconX3
07-06-2004, 03:57 PM
Here a question, have
you every met someone and without having spoken a word, you feel that you know a lot about them, Like their
temperament, and other personal characteristics just by the vibe the give off without any word being
sent?
Thats exactly what I was going to say, that really tells me a lot. I usually get vibes from
people that I am going to be involved with in the future before I even say a word to them.
burgerama1960
07-06-2004, 04:06 PM
I'm with DCW on this one,
face and hair gets me goin but then i am easy to please.
sophie
07-06-2004, 06:41 PM
These last few posts made me think
(talking about not a word being spoken), that I also have a thing about voices. Some men have a certain timbre of
voice that just rings my bells. It's nothing specific, it's just their particular way of speaking. Maybe it's
combined with other signals, but definitely it's something to consider.
koolking1
07-06-2004, 07:09 PM
Okay, this is Sue. I rarely
speak, unless I have an opinion.
What first attracts me to a man? The face. Whatever iconic movie actor
it may remind me of, to set me off. Tim (of Home Improvement). Liam Neeson. Bill Clinton. Kevin Spacey (sorry! I
know he's gay). Richard Burton. Sean Connery. The rugged but smooth type ... like Bill.
The eyes. The
windows to the soul. Which, by the way, only works if the guy is serene enough to let the soul shine out. (Ask me
sometime about my theory of the "shell" that people put around themselves.)
The voice. Has to be deep and
resonant. Barry White or close to him. Just me, sorry. I don't like wimpy little voices.
Then, once most
of that has happened .(and, I repeat, after MOST that has happened, or I won't get close enough to take a second
look) ... the scent. Under the arms. If the natural pheromones aren't compatible, forget it. Any volume of
artificial pheromones are NOT going to mask that essential male scent. And if it's compatible with me, I'm
totally gone. If it's not, I'm totally gone ... in the other direction.
DrSmellThis
07-07-2004, 12:45 AM
Nice post, Sue.
Lucky
07-07-2004, 03:48 PM
How did Sue get to be me?
Ditto everything, Sue...you are a keen woman.
Holmes
07-07-2004, 05:51 PM
(Ask me sometime about
my theory of the "shell" that people put around themselves.)
Well? I'm asking. :D
DrSmellThis
07-07-2004, 07:51 PM
Sue is one of my favorite
female posters here, but I admit I'm biased because she liked my perfume (what an ego!). Nonetheless, her posts are
consistently good.
koolking1
07-07-2004, 08:10 PM
I'll let Sue know she has
a query on here and hopefully she'll have time to get online tomorrow and answer it, she's fast asleep at the
moment!!!
koolking1
07-08-2004, 04:29 PM
This is Sue. The
shell theory? Well, it can become complicated (as you'll soon see, from the length of this post), but here it
is:
Everyone has a certain amount of "shell" around them; i.e., defenses; armor; a shield; in some cases, a
fortress! In other words, the person hardly ever lets others see who they really are.
It's really simple
and obvious. You've all thought about how other folks you know are "reserved" or "remote." I've thought about a
lot of people I know in terms of shell theory, just on a mental whim one night. It doesn't really have any
practical application, though. Just a way of looking at people in a different way that can be
interesting.
Really, everyone has a shell of some sort. Some people let theirs down more and are more
honest, show their real face, more of the time. Others let it down only in certain circumstances: with a lover,
after having a drink or two, after smoking a J, or all of the above.
BUT, since this is a thread about what
attracts women most, here is a perverse twist on shell theory. Women aren't necessarily attracted to men who have
NO shell, or very little. But what truly drives us crazy is the man who projects an air of confidence AND has a
huge shell. This is a challenge to us. We HAVE to get in there! But, fellows, do not let us ... Without that air
of confidence and calm, plus the shell that keeps part of the man private and unknown, we lose interest ......
Well I guess that is why so many
women are lesbians. 99 percent of all men don't speak like Barry Mantilow, half don't come equipped with social
phobias and a quarter are drunk, which leaves less than half a percent of the male population to choose from.
DrSmellThis
07-09-2004, 09:10 PM
:cool: :cool: :cool: :wub:
In reality, the project of knowing yourself completely would be
lifetimes of work. And there is no possibility of others ever thoroughly knowing you. Yet Sue
tells it like it is. How could that be?
Fundamentally, a desire for "mysteriousness," per se, could be
based in a woman's own fear of being superficial, boring, empty, or even unlikeable. This fear would be
projected toward genuine men, whose transparency would feel threatening. After all, her own "cover might be
blown" if she has to reciprocate in that level of sharing.
If this were the only reason for the mystery
phenomenon, I'd have little constructive use for women who were turned off by knowing a lot in a short period of
time about the "real me."
But there are other reasons for finding a sense of mystery attractive. Women seemingly
like to discover a man; to tell their very own story about him. This brings a sense of control, choice; and
reciprocity in situations where men are the initiators. Women don't seem to want to be merely passive consumers of
pre-packaged stories told by others. Just as we learn things best on our own rather than by reading them, or hearing
them; discovery leads to a deeper intimacy. And women tend to be intimacy connoisseurs. ;)
For our part as men,
when people have to earn the priviledge of knowing us intimately and personally, we are demonstrating good
boundaries, social skills, and self esteem. We are keeping our sense of privacy intact; and protecting ourselves
from masses of idiots who'd as soon judge us harshly as look at us.
When we share too much, it is often out of
narcissism or neediness; or perhaps insecurity about the adequacy of what we've already shown. These
are not favorable mating qualities for "providers, protectors, and/or sperm donors".
On the other hand,
once you get into a relationship further with someone, things usually change. Projecting an air of mystery might
become annoying to any woman with a sense of wonderment and self esteem.
Holmes
07-10-2004, 08:23 AM
Good post!
You too, Sue.
Thanks for the explanation and hope you stop by more often.
cuddlebear
07-10-2004, 09:02 AM
Very interesting responses,
indeed!! Thanks to all for the input and to any of the ladies who are reading and haven't posted your thoughts,
please do! :)
koolking1
07-11-2004, 04:51 PM
Suzy here.
Whoa! I'm
still thinking about that message from the good doctor!
I think you have, as usual, said it all--and
eloquently as well!
I'll try to compose a response but have none at the moment. Just much to think
about.
LadyWithQuestions
07-12-2004, 03:19 AM
I agree with CJ01. It
depends on the circumstances that will determine that kind of reactions.......Mental or Physical. I notice that
there seems to be an immediate attraction, or "natural chemistry" when I meet certain men for the first time, which
leaves me all flustered. Other times, I am greatly impressed (or DIS-impressed) by the first "visual"......the
style of dress, physique, mannerisms, personality, etc. There are so many factors for a woman, I think. While we
don't IMMEDIATELY think "sex," that CAN be a natural response if there is chemistry or something else about the guy
that really impresses us in one way or another. And then again, MY first response isn't "SEX." It's "ROMANCE"
and I tend to fantasize all kinds of romantic things about the guy. Just our interesting differences, I guess.
=)
LWQ
koolking1
07-12-2004, 04:51 PM
This is Sue. I agree with LWQ
completely! The first attractant is definitely the romance for a woman. And the romance can be based on anything
for any individual, depending on their psyche. I'm sure that LWQ is discovering what her own "romance" formula
consists of. Given that the romance factor is in place, though, sometimes the sex ends up being a big
disappointment! What a winning combination when you find BOTH!
Sometimes we are turned off by the visual,
and yet, there might something about the fellow, if you give him a chance. Sometimes, even if the visual and the
romance aren't there, you can be surprised and delighted by the sex. (One discovers this in swinging. Otherwise
you wouldn't be in a situation where you'd give the other guy a second look.)
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