Singles Ads

[JustPeachy]

Some of the most

instructive, hilarious, nauseating, downright creepy, and occasionally charming stuff I've seen are the singles ads

online. Very interesting, what guys think will work. Yahoo personals is a fave. Wish I had a dollar for every time

I've seen "financially independent", "moonlit walks on the beach", and "looking for that special lady". Some of the

most amusing have turned out to be guys I actually know f-2-f, the naughty fibbers!

What are your favorite

lines, goyls?

[Ash]

I ain't a goyl ( I am thinking about

having the operation though) but I'd like to reply anyway if I may. How was that for A-kissing? Good?

Yes?

The best/worst one I've seen was when I lived in Alaska. A very good looking guy had posted his desire

to meet a women. He stated his preferences right down to shoe size including that she had to have a pilots license

and own a plane. He then asked that they send a picture to him....of the plane!

[Elana]

Some of the most

instructive, hilarious, nauseating, downright creepy, and occasionally charming stuff I've seen are the singles ads

online. Very interesting, what guys think will work. Yahoo personals is a fave. Wish I had a dollar for every time

I've seen "financially independent", "moonlit walks on the beach", and "looking for that special lady". Some of the

most amusing have turned out to be guys I actually know f-2-f, the naughty fibbers!

What are your favorite

lines, goyls?

LMAO! My sister and I were just talking about this the other day. Moonlit walks on the

beach was our favorite." :D

[Elana]

My all time favorite line that gets

me everytime is "I kiss you."

[Elana]

I met this guy from a singles ad.

He was everything he promised and so much more!

http://www.smlinks.com/sotw/Sohail/

[Pancho1188]

The funniest one I've ever

seen went like this:

SWM, 21, 6'1", 175 lb. quirky with boyish charm looking for a female Pancho to spice up

his breeding activities...

Oh, wait...that's me. :rolleyes:

[Elana]

Brenda And Pancho Swinging From A

Tree K-i-s-s-i-n-g

[Pancho1188]

First comes love
Then comes

marriage
Then comes 3 years of hell, a horrible divorce settlement, and 10 years of alimony payments.

[DCW]

LMAO! My sister and I

were just talking about this the other day. Moonlit walks on the beach was our favorite."

:D



The walk on the beach thing is always funny especially if they live in Arizona.
Another

favorite is height and weight proportioned.


DCW

[Elana]

It's always fun to try to

interpret what they are really saying. :D

[SweetBrenda]

*laughs*.... hmmm I will have

to do some reading in the single ads and get back to you on this one.

[Pancho1188]

It's always fun

to try to interpret what they are really saying. :D
Singles Ad Translation:

What they say:

I enjoy

music, movies, long walks on the beach, dancing, hanging out with my friends, pretty much doing anything fun and

exciting, going on adventures, reading, traveling, concerts, singing, cooking, dating, and just having a good

time!

What they are really telling you:

I have no interests at all and am a shallow, boring human being.

[Elana]

I like taking long walks on the

beach.

What they really mean is......If I don't have to pay for anything I like to do it.

[Pancho1188]

Singles Ad Translation:



What they say:

I like taking long walks on the beach.

What they are really telling you:

I'm trying to

tell you I'm romantic, but I'm not creative enough to think of anything original---take this as a hint to where

our romance will be going.

[Elana]

I am curvy = I am fat

[Pancho1188]

Singles Ad Translation:



What they say:

Outgoing, fun, looking for adventure

What they are really telling you:

I haven't been

out of the house in a few years. The day I actually go out, I'll probably be blinded by the sun, which could've

burnt out 5 months ago and I wouldn't have noticed.

[Elana]

I am into fine dining = My favorite

fancy restaurant is The Red Lobster

[Pancho1188]

Singles Ad Translation:



What they say:

I am an enigma. I don't like to follow the trends, and I dance to the beat of my own drum.



What they are really telling you:

I'm bipolar, so back off unless you want to enter a world of pain!

[Pancho1188]

Singles Ad Translation:



What they say:

Cute, cuddly with a great smile and charming personality.

What they are really telling

you:

I haven't been laid in months---wait, years.

[franki]

wow, you two are real experts! :D

[Elana]

I like ham = I am Ssssssst

[Icarus]

I like ham in

a beard = I am Elana

[Elana]

I like ham on a beard with hair on

the chest = I am Justpeachy

[Icarus]

That one's pretty universal.

[Pancho1188]

wow, you two are

real experts! :D
I've been through the world of pain, I've met the trolls, I've seen the unoriginal

people, and I've written all but "long walks on the beach" in my profile to describe myself... :rolleyes:

Yes,

I know them well.. :eek:

I've never actually put myself in a singles ad (I'd be too embarrassed...although I

do respect the guts it takes to put oneself out there for those who do), but I have looked through many others.

They're interesting.

[Pancho1188]

Singles Ad Translation:



What they say:

I am a free spirit. I like to do my own thing and enjoy change.

What they are telling

you:

I am going to break your heart. In fact, I'm writing this while I'm still going out with the shlub I'm

about to break up with for your stupid ass.

[DCW]

I like the finer things in life =

hooker

[JustPeachy]

I met this guy

from a singles ad. He was everything he promised and so much more!



http://www.smlinks.com/sotw/Sohail/


I'mmmm...speechless. And nauseated.

[JustPeachy]

Singles Ad

Translation:

What they say:

I enjoy music, movies, long walks on the beach, dancing, hanging out with my

friends, pretty much doing anything fun and exciting, going on adventures, reading, traveling, concerts, singing,

cooking, dating, and just having a good time!

What they are really telling you:

I have no interests at all

and am a shallow, boring human being.
That's pretty much my take on it! Here's another fave:

"I

want to share experiences"

Translation: "I'm gonna try the Sensitive Male routine and see if I can get in your

pants that way."

[JustPeachy]

I like ham on a

beard with hair on the chest = I am Justpeachy
Ewwww!

I like a man with a Ferrari keychain and lots

of gravy = I am Elana

[Ash]

My personal LavaLife ad placed in men

seeking women read:

Hansom, athletic built middle age man seeks slim, attractive Females for sex only. Feel

free to use me up and toss me out.. I can be caring and sensitive or a real A-hole if that's what you're looking

for.

Vital stats: I'm 5' 10", 140, blue, auburn with shades of silver/gray. 8X6 1/2. Longest "go" time:

6hrs. Average "go": 3.5 hrs. Expert in oral. References available on request.

I got some very good hits but

all were LD deals and not very workable. It came to me that all I was really looking for at the time was some cheep

online thrills and online sex so I lifted some pics of a very sweet young thing off the Net and ran a new ad in the

Women looking for Women Bi section. I hit serious Pay dirt. Damn, those girls are nasty. My kind of women! It's

easy to get tripped up though when they start asking what size panties you ware.

[Pancho1188]

My personal

LavaLife ad placed in men seeking women read:

Hansom, athletic built middle age man seeks slim, attractive

Females for sex only. Feel free to use me up and toss me out.. I can be caring and sensitive or a real A-hole if

that's what you're looking for.

Vital stats: I'm 5' 10", 140, blue, auburn with shades of silver/gray. 8X6

1/2. Longest "go" time: 6hrs. Average "go": 3.5 hrs. Expert in oral. References available on request.

I got some

very good hits but all were LD deals and not very workable. It came to me that all I was really looking for at the

time was some cheep online thrills and online sex so I lifted some pics of a very sweet young thing off the Net and

ran a new ad in the Women looking for Women Bi section. I hit serious Pay dirt. Damn, those girls are nasty. My kind

of women! It's easy to get tripped up though when they start asking what size panties you ware.
*Ding

Ding Ding* And we have a winner!!!

What do we have for him, Johnny!?!?!? :D

[Ash]

If I could, I would like to have the

prize behind Door #3.

[Pancho1188]

If I could, I would

like to have the prize behind Door #3.
Let's see what's behind door number three:

*Opens*



*Gasp*

That's right, Ash, a one-year supply of cyber lesbian action!

Come and take a luxurious mental

getaway with the sexy female of your choice and have long, passionate online love affairs with no strings

attached!

Let's see what was behind door number two:

*Sigh of relief*

Yes, you could've had the

standard vacation package of taking care of yourself with downloaded porn and a bottle of lubrication...

...and

what was behind door number one:

*Gasp*

...a billy goat!

Wait, I'm not sure if that was a Let's

Make a Deal "gag-gift" or not in this particular situation... :rolleyes:

Well, just be glad you chose door

number three...

[JustPeachy]

If I could, I would

like to have the prize behind Door #3.
And it's.....

A BRAND NEW MAYTAG WASHER AND DRYER, with 14,000

controls, keeps your silkies silky, and washes out up to 40 pounds of gravy at a time.

Retail Value....$599!

[Pancho1188]

And

it's.....

A BRAND NEW MAYTAG WASHER AND DRYER, with 14,000 controls, keeps your silkies silky, and washes out

up to 40 pounds of gravy at a time.

Retail Value....$599!
This prize is better...you can have real

love affairs and include it... ;)

[Ash]

And it's.....



A BRAND NEW MAYTAG WASHER AND DRYER, with 14,000 controls, keeps your silkies silky, and washes out up to 40

pounds of gravy at a time.

Retail Value....$599!


COOL! Now I have something to wash my

size S panties in.

[JustPeachy]

COOL! Now I have

something to wash my size S panties in.
And your goat. Cuz, panties aren't sized like that. :D

[Sexyredhead]

Some panties are. :)

[JustPeachy]

Some

panties are. :)
Haven't seen 'em that way.

Variations on a theme:


Exotic

Yankee Knight desires Fair Maiden

Looking for a princess to save from the

dragon.

Translation: Highly insecure male wants kinky, troubled

woman for ongoing mind games.




Or
I'm looking for that someone special to share

special moments with. I really like the romance but I love to play too and have a great

time!

Translation: If I give you jewelry, will you bonk me? Isn't that

special?

[Pancho1188]

Haven't

seen 'em that way.

Variations on a theme:



Exotic Yankee Knight desires Fair

Maiden


Looking for a princess to save from the

dragon.


Translation: Highly insecure male wants kinky, troubled woman for ongoing

mind games.





Or
I'm looking for that someone special to share special

moments with. I really like the romance but I love to play too and have a great time!





Translation: If I give you jewelry, will you bonk me? Isn't that

special?


Yeah, any metaphors mean that they're living in a fantasy world... Good call.

By

the way, is that how it's supposed to work? I usually give jewelry in appreciation of the bonking... :rolleyes:



"Well, you've bonked me enough times...I think it's time you wear this diamond ring."

:D

[JustPeachy]

Yeah, any

metaphors mean that they're living in a fantasy world... Good call.

Or else they hope the girl is.






By the way, is that how it's supposed to work? I usually give jewelry in appreciation of the

bonking... :rolleyes:

"Well, you've bonked me enough times...I think it's time you wear this diamond ring."



:D
Far as I know, the traditional transaction sequence is to give dinner in advance of bonking, flowers

as a thank you for the trial bonk, and then jewelry if the bonking is satisfactory enough to find you still there

when her birthday or Valentine's Day rolls around. Er, I think that's what Miss Manners said...:rolleyes: But

"Special Man" was sounding a bit too desperate to wait around for all that mish-mosh.

[Pancho1188]

flowers as a

thank you for the trial bonk
"Trial Bonk"...Classic! :)

Is that like a test drive?



--Well,

she sure looks like a sweet ride, but can I test her out to see how she handles? I mean, I don't want to rush into

a commitment without knowing how she works those curves.

--We're talking about a car, right?

[Ash]

And your goat. Cuz,

panties aren't sized like that. :D


See, I told you it ws easy to get tripped up. *finger icon

from old Forum*

[CJ01]

Is that like a test

drive?

I love those :D testdriving can be so much fun, but sometimes it´s tricky making it clear

that you don´t want to buy, sigh

[Holmes]

Trial bonking is trickier

still--poker face mandatory.

Btw, I will be your Knight In shining Armour soon as I make bail.

[CJ01]

Btw, I will be your Knight In

shining Armour soon as I make bail.you talking to me or Ash or Panch ? :)

[Pancho1188]

you talking to me

or Ash or Panch ? :)
He was talking to you, but if he doesn't make bail, his sights may be turned to me

eventually... ;)

[CJ01]

He was talking to you, but if

he doesn't make bail, his sights may be turned to me eventually...
:eek: NO, not another one changing

starsigns! :eek: I can´t allow this to happen!!
Panch I think you´re the male equilvalant to me sometimes,we

both get the same sex after us :D got a plan so we can stop this?

Holmes, when´s your bail due - maybe we

can have a whip round! How much do you need?

[Pancho1188]

:eek: NO, not

another one changing starsigns! :eek: I can´t allow this to happen!!
Panch I think you´re the male equilvalant to

me sometimes,we both get the same sex after us :D got a plan so we can stop this?

Holmes, when´s your bail due -

maybe we can have a whip round! How much do you need?
I say we hang out, and when something like that

happens, we say, "Well, I'm sorry but I'm not available right now to your gender. There is, however, a

fantabulous person next to me who'd like to take a shot at changing the team you play for...or maybe just join in

on your exploits."

:cool:

[CJ01]

good idea let´s try it out :)

[deb]

I'mmmm...speechless. And nauseated.Yes that was totally disgusting.:eek: I am referring

to the link to that guy that was into BDSM. Gross.

[Enticing]

Yes that was totally

disgusting.:eek: I am referring to the link to that guy that was into BDSM. Gross.

That isn't a

personal ad, it's for a gigolo. He's so ugly!~ I dated a med student named Sohail once, had to go check and make

sure it wasn't him. Thank God, no. Ewww *shudder*

enticing

[deb]

That isn't a

personal ad, it's for a gigolo. He's so ugly!~ I dated a med student named Sohail once, had to go check and make

sure it wasn't him. Thank God, no. Ewww *shudder*

enticingAny girl or woman who would go for that needs

their head examined.:D

[Enticing]

Gotta admit it - last summer

after the marital split, I was dating men off of one of those hook-up type sites. Yup. Email, meet up, get off and

get out. :p Well anyway. The one line that - NEVER FAILED - to indicate he'd be lousy in bed was - "Never had

any complaints" .... still makes me nauseous to this day. :D

enticing

[EXIT63]

Full figured= Fat
Curvy=

Fat
Classy= Fat
Voluptuous= Fat
Classy= Be ready to spend some dough shovelling lobster down my

gullet.
Magnetic personality= Fat
Mature= Old
Young at heart= Really old
Classy= You'd better not be

driving an '89 Corolla
Searching for my soulmate= How fat is your wallet?
BJF= bi jewish female
Classy=

Don't expect a b!oe job

[DCW]

Open Minded = Gay or Bi
Young at

Heart = Old F##ker
Willing to try new things=Desparate

[deb]

Open Minded = Gay or

Bi
Young at Heart = Old F##ker
Willing to try new things=DesparateWhat would "Hot to trot" be?:confused:

[Ash]

Very frustrated.

[DZorro]

Very

frustrated.


Hey ash long time no see, what do you think of this new forum

???


DZorro,