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marvin
05-09-2004, 07:54 AM
How can women choose

when they love a guy? It doesn\'t make any sense. They can love you one day, and the next day hate you, and vice

versa. I thought that if you loved someone, you loved them, and if you didn\'t love them, you didn\'t love them,

I don\'t understand it.

Bart

CptKipling
05-09-2004, 08:51 AM
That probably

isn\'t love.

Love isn\'t fleeting, love is a persistant desire to be with someone, it describes the feeling

when you know you will care for someone regardless of what happens.

When people don\'t understand that, they

often confuse lust and attraction with love.

SweetBrenda
07-22-2004, 09:32 PM
We all want to fall in love.

Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is

magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an

hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for

the rest of our lives.

DrSmellThis
07-23-2004, 12:43 PM
Honestly, I think men are more

likely to have the sense of love last within themselves once it strikes, but obviously some would disagree to this

non-PC statement.

Gegogi
07-24-2004, 01:33 AM
"Love isn't fleeting, love is a

persistant desire to be with someone, it describes the feeling when you know you will care for someone regardless of

what happens."

Hmm, it's pretty common to love someone but not have a persistant desire to be with them. Real

love is confident and self assured and, thus, not necessarily dependant on a persistant desire for physical

presence. Many of us need and desire personal space. For some it's hours or days. For others it's weeks or months.

But, I guess that depends on those involved. I know I run like a mad man from mother hen and gatekeeper type women.

Of course, as an artist I go into my cave and don't emerge until I finish my thoughts. Not many women can

understand that...

perfidia
07-24-2004, 03:17 AM
I just feel like your

statement/question is way too general. I love my partner but there are definitely days/times when I can't stand

him, because he's annoying me with certain habits of his! I do often feel like if I were a more genuinely loving

person, I would not let the habits he cultivated many years prior to knowing me, prevent me from momentarily

expressing my deep-down love & affection but hey-- I'm only human! I'm me, so I can't help being annoyed by him

any more than he can help annoying me... it's not pretty but it seems fair. Of course if I were the stoic,

silent-suffering type, he would probably never know that my loving feelings had been interrupted, unfortunately I'm

the volatile, voluble type.

If you're talking about a particular woman, did she seriously say she hated you

and wanted out, or was she just venting, having a bad day, etc.? Also, that honeymoon period where you seem perfect

to each other, you can do wrong-- it eventually fades. Some people feel betrayed by that-- they think the other

person's let them down or rejected them by no longer believing that they're perfect, and it's sad because they

just end up doing the same thing over and over again. Maybe I'm cynical, but I can't imagine a long-lived

relationship that just effortlessly felt like falling in love everyday forever-- you would both have to consciously

engineer it to be that way, inciting jealousy & desire with planned separations, implied threats of defection, etc.

Oh-- and by using pheromones!

As to what the Dr. said, I don't think it's true that men tend to maintain a

sense of love longer than women, and not because I'm a woman-- that's just too general (again). I've been with a

fickle man and was ridiculously faithful, with a steadfast man I could be awfully fickle. I think that's due to

unconscious maneuvering to keep the relationship fresh. The status quo is boring so your eye starts to wander, that

lights a spark under your partner and the chase is renewed. I don't mean that your eye wanders intentionally to

make your partner jealous, but whoever is naturally more fickle or less committed of the two will be the first to be

bored, and that puts the other one in the pursuer role by default, whether they're male or female. I guess if you

were equally bored depending on your personality you would mutually depart without drama, or stay because you value

stability more than you dislike boredom.

CptKipling
07-24-2004, 05:43 PM
"Love isn't

fleeting, love is a persistant desire to be with someone, it describes the feeling when you know you will care for

someone regardless of what happens."

Hmm, it's pretty common to love someone but not have a persistant desire

to be with them. Real love is confident and self assured and, thus, not necessarily dependant on a persistant desire

for physical presence. Many of us need and desire personal space. For some it's hours or days. For others it's

weeks or months. But, I guess that depends on those involved. I know I run like a mad man from mother hen and

gatekeeper type women. Of course, as an artist I go into my cave and don't emerge until I finish my thoughts. Not

many women can understand that...
I was intending "be" to be taken in a looser sense of the word (as in

be in a relationship, share feelings, etc.). Something Freudian for the weekend sir? ;)

bjf
07-24-2004, 06:48 PM
Bart, sorry you got burned. Women

can be wierd, especially young girls.

Numanoid
08-01-2004, 01:23 PM
How can women

choose when they love a guy? It doesn\'t make any sense. They can love you one day, and the next day hate you, and

vice versa. I thought that if you loved someone, you loved them, and if you didn\'t love them, you didn\'t love

them, I don\'t understand it.

BartI think a lot of women just convince themselves that they

love someone.

Emmiefree
09-23-2004, 08:36 AM
"I think a lot of women just

convince themselves that they love someone." I do not think that is it Numanoid.. sometimes, we love because

someone is showing us attention that we are lacking in some areas of our lives. It is a common thing among abused

women, that if someone shows them affection that they are not used to having, or recieving, they will love that

person for the affection that is shared.. Not always a "In Love" but a love none the less... Trust me on this one..

I am a Survivor..

camusflage
09-23-2004, 10:54 AM
I was reading an interesting

book recently on female sexual choice, both in animals and the human animal. Each chapter opened with a quote or

two, one of which seems particularly apropo.. "Love is the whole history of a woman's life, it is but an episode in

a man's." --Madame de Stael

Numanoid
09-24-2004, 04:39 AM
"I think a lot

of women just convince themselves that they love someone." I do not think that is it Numanoid.. sometimes, we

love because someone is showing us attention that we are lacking in some areas of our lives. It is a common thing

among abused women, that if someone shows them affection that they are not used to having, or recieving, they will

love that person for the affection that is shared.. Not always a "In Love" but a love none the less... Trust me on

this one.. I am a Survivor..
I never thought of that.

Pancho1188
09-24-2004, 05:29 AM
"I think a

lot of women just convince themselves that they love someone." I do not think that is it Numanoid..

sometimes, we love because someone is showing us attention that we are lacking in some areas of our lives. It is a

common thing among abused women, that if someone shows them affection that they are not used to having, or

recieving, they will love that person for the affection that is shared.. Not always a "In Love" but a love none the

less... Trust me on this one.. I am a Survivor..
That's also why women cheat...not to condone it, but

most cheat because they get attention from other guys that they don't get at home...keep that in mind.

Emmiefree
09-24-2004, 06:01 AM
"That's also why women

cheat...not to condone it, but most cheat because they get attention from other guys that they don't get at

home...keep that in mind."

Not all of us are cheaters Pancho.. Some of us do stay faithful regardless of the

situations at home..

SweetBrenda
09-24-2004, 06:27 AM
Once a cheater always will

be one..
have I ever chated on anyone? hmmmm nope! the question here is had someone cheated on me?

DEFINITELY! and it feels horrible!~ how can the one that says I LOVE YOU! do such degrading thing to you?!! I really

have no words to explain the pain I felt when I found out~! GOD did I wanted to hate him so bad! I was *inlove* but

even then I couldn't forgive the fact he cheated on me the demaged was done (bastard).. Oh one more thing, the

whole thing about maybe cheating on someone because they aren't getting enough attention is just a bunch of

crap! sounds like an excuse to justify such action. The way I see it is, if you want someone else than fine!! but

break up with the one you have at the present moment and save yourself a bunch of hassle & think about the other

person feelings...

Is just wrong to do someone that way :nono: ...

I was the one who left in

that relationship but now I look back and realized that he was the one who actually took the first step away from

what we once had...

Pancho1188
09-24-2004, 08:35 AM
"That's also

why women cheat...not to condone it, but most cheat because they get attention from other guys that they don't get

at home...keep that in mind."

Not all of us are cheaters Pancho.. Some of us do stay faithful regardless of the

situations at home..
I never mentioned how many were cheaters...in fact, despite popular belief, studies

show that ~76% of men are likely to be faithful and ~80% of women are likely to be faithful. I was only stating the

main reason why.


You feel alone, you feel like you're with someone who doesn't love you or treat you right

or look at you the way he used to...and a new person comes and gives you the look you've been longing for for

months...or years...and you hate how your life is and you hate how your relationship is and you feel like you're

merely going through the motions. This new guy looks at you like you're the most beautiful person in the world.

You feel the impression you make on him. He adores you, and you miss that treatment so much that you'd like to

break away and spend a guilt-free, passionate weekend with this person.

Note that there's no thought about

spending the rest of your life with this new person or the fact that you hate the old. A lot of times you still

really want to be with who you're currently with but the passion is gone...other times you want to move on but are

afraid to break it because you'll cause more disorder in your life when you believe that you have enough of

already.

But, speaking generally, most women claim to cheat because they don't get enough

attention/love/appreciation at home and any new guy with a glint in his eye could supply that for her.

Emmiefree
09-24-2004, 09:53 AM
thats what self pleasurevation

is for...

Pancho1188
09-24-2004, 10:37 AM
thats what

self pleasurevation is for...
...I think we're on different pages here...I'm referring to why people are

cheating. Yes, self gratification is a great alternative to cheating if it was just about the sex. Your lover

doesn't want to have sex with you for a few days (sick, stressed, busy, period, all of the above) but really need

to take the edge off, you can take care of business for a while. However, it's not a replacement for a strong

emotional bond. If you're missing that, you have more problems than a lagging sex life. There are people who

cheat who still have sex with their spouses/bfs/gfs but, as I said, it completely lacks passion.

What I'm

trying to say is...

In general, women cheat to fill emotional needs...not to have sex. That doesn't

make it anymore right, but it's just a psychological distinction I have to make because I am, of course,

anal-retentive.

I don't know about you, but I don't think people's right hands make them feel loved...maybe

they're just doing it wrong. :lol:


On the other hand, your thought process may make excellent advice for

men...I believe that many times men go astray to satisfy sexual needs, but they may also do so for personal ego

problems, emotional attachment, mid-life crises, etc. In the case that they're just weak and stupid, tell them to

either keep it in their pants or take care of their own business.

Emmiefree
09-24-2004, 10:48 AM
Pancho hon, for the last 6

years of my marriage, I wasn't getting satisfaction in any way from my husband.. I stayed for the sake of the

kids.. nothing more.. I did not ever cheat on him, other than in a fantasy perhaps. But never physically. In fact, I

am having a hard time even thinking about finding a new partner.. there are too many things out there that can kill

a person.. My kids need me, and I have to be extremely careful.. no matter what happens in my life.. But thanks for

the info..

Pancho1188
09-24-2004, 11:06 AM
Well, then...that would make

you:

a. A good person :)
b. One of the 80% that are faithful
c. Not weak, stupid, or evil enough to cheat
d.

Not one of the people I'm referring to in my postings :)

Remember that you can speak with certainty the actions

of many, but don't know jack about the actions of one.



That said, I don't see myself having to make that

choice ("Stay together for the kids" or "divorce") anytime soon. I'm too busy trying to get someone to put up with

me longer than a few months...let alone a lifetime... ;) ;)