MOBLEYC57
04-20-2004, 05:46 PM
Hoping you have a
good Humping Day (Wednesday)....
UGLINESS HAS ITS PLACE
An extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a
drink with his friend, who is his polar opposite. In fact, he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them
are discussing a beautiful blonde girl sitting at the bar. The handsome man said, \"Boy, I sure would like to get
some of that.\" The ugly man said, \"Go ahead, go for it.\" The handsome man said, \"There\'s no way, she
won\'t go with anybody, I\'ve tried many times.\" The ugly man said, \"I think I could go out with her if I
wanted to.\" The handsome man laughed and said, \"If she won\'t go out with me, she sure as hell won\'t go out
with your ugly as$!!.\" Ugly said, \"I\'ll bet you a hundred bucks she\'ll go with me.\" Handsome says,
\"You\'re on!!!!\" Ugly says, \"OK, just leave the money with the bartender and I\'ll pick it up later.\" He
walks up to the girl, starts talking and then turned around and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind
him. The handsome man couldn\'t believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, \"What in the f#ck
happened!!? What in the hell did he say to her!!?\" The bartender told him, \"Well, he didn\'t say much. He just
said it\'s a nice night for a walk. And then he licked his eyebrows very slowly, and left.\"
TATTOO
ANYONE?
A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the
request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy
thinks for a while and decides that it’’s a fair price. The designer starts the tattooing and in the middle of the
job asks the man, \"Why are you doing this?\" The man replies, \"That\'s personal.\" With that, the designer
continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer,
\"I tell you what...I\'ll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why in the hell, you are doing this.\" The man
thinks again and replies, \"Okay, that\'s reasonable.\" The man continues, \"There are three reasons...
# 1) I
like to play with money.
# 2) I like to watch money grow.
At last # 3) and the most important reason is.....the
next time my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, her as$ can do it right at home.
THE SNACK OF
CHAMPIONS!
During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on
how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing
he\'d come across was, er, female juices. \"But you\'re balder than I am,\" protested the customer.
\"True,\" admitted the barber, \"but you\'ve gotta admit...I\'ve got one hell of a mustache!\"
VIAGRA...THAT OUTSTANDING BLUE PILL!!
There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First
off the dentist said, \"I\'ll give you a shot to numb your jaw.\" The guy said, \"No, please don\'t do that,
I\'m afraid of needles.\" The dentist said, \"OK, I\'ll get out the gas to put you to sleep.\" However the
guy said, \"Nope, I\'m allergic to the gas.\" So the dentist said, \"Just a minute, I\'ll go look for
something else.\" After awhile he came back with a couple of pills. The guy asked, \"What kind of pills are
those?\" The dentist said, \"Viagra.\" The guy said, \"WHAT! Why these?\" The dentist said, \"They won\'t
help the pain, but they\'ll give you something to hang on to while I pull your damn tooth.
BAR MASTER
A guy
walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, \"\"Quick pour me twelve drinks.\"\"
So the bartender
pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to
the guy, \"\"Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.\"\"
The guys says, \"\"Well, you would be
drinking really fast too if you had what I\'ve got.\"\"
The bartender says, \"\"What\'ve you got?\"\"
The guy says, \"\"75 cents.\"\"
TIS BLONDE TIME!
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road
and approaches a \'blonde lady\' driver. \"Mam, is there a reason that you\'re weaving all over the road\"?
The woman replied, \"Oh officer, thank goodness you\'re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there
was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the
right and there was another tree in front of me!\" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the
officer replied, \"Ma\'am...it\'s your air freshener!!!\"
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, \"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -
but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.\"
\"Oh Dear!\" the
doctor exclaimed in disbelief. \"But, what happened to your other ear?\"
\"The jerk called
back!\"
------------------------------------------------------------
FOR MEN ONLY...LADIES, “”“DO NOT”“
READ
------------------------------------------------------------
DIRTY TUNES
While auditioning for a job, a
pianist played one of his own compositions. \"That\'s beautiful\", the lounge owner said, \"What do you call
it?\"
\"Rip Her Clothes Off and Screw Her Doggie Style\", the pianist replied. The owner asked him to play
another piece, which was equally beautiful. When asked the title, the pianist replied, \"Shove Your Dick in Her
Mouth and Whistle a Happy Tune.\"
\"Look, I love your music\", the owner said, \"but I\'ll hire you only
if you keep your song titles to yourself.\"
The pianist agreed and began work that night. After his first set, he
got up to go to the men\'s room. On his way back, a customer stopped him.
\"Excuse me, do you know your
fly\'s unzipped and your cock is hanging out?\"
\"Know it?\" the pianist replied. \"I wrote it!!!\"
Gotta tune I can borrow? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
good Humping Day (Wednesday)....
UGLINESS HAS ITS PLACE
An extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a
drink with his friend, who is his polar opposite. In fact, he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them
are discussing a beautiful blonde girl sitting at the bar. The handsome man said, \"Boy, I sure would like to get
some of that.\" The ugly man said, \"Go ahead, go for it.\" The handsome man said, \"There\'s no way, she
won\'t go with anybody, I\'ve tried many times.\" The ugly man said, \"I think I could go out with her if I
wanted to.\" The handsome man laughed and said, \"If she won\'t go out with me, she sure as hell won\'t go out
with your ugly as$!!.\" Ugly said, \"I\'ll bet you a hundred bucks she\'ll go with me.\" Handsome says,
\"You\'re on!!!!\" Ugly says, \"OK, just leave the money with the bartender and I\'ll pick it up later.\" He
walks up to the girl, starts talking and then turned around and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind
him. The handsome man couldn\'t believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, \"What in the f#ck
happened!!? What in the hell did he say to her!!?\" The bartender told him, \"Well, he didn\'t say much. He just
said it\'s a nice night for a walk. And then he licked his eyebrows very slowly, and left.\"
TATTOO
ANYONE?
A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the
request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy
thinks for a while and decides that it’’s a fair price. The designer starts the tattooing and in the middle of the
job asks the man, \"Why are you doing this?\" The man replies, \"That\'s personal.\" With that, the designer
continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer,
\"I tell you what...I\'ll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why in the hell, you are doing this.\" The man
thinks again and replies, \"Okay, that\'s reasonable.\" The man continues, \"There are three reasons...
# 1) I
like to play with money.
# 2) I like to watch money grow.
At last # 3) and the most important reason is.....the
next time my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, her as$ can do it right at home.
THE SNACK OF
CHAMPIONS!
During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on
how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing
he\'d come across was, er, female juices. \"But you\'re balder than I am,\" protested the customer.
\"True,\" admitted the barber, \"but you\'ve gotta admit...I\'ve got one hell of a mustache!\"
VIAGRA...THAT OUTSTANDING BLUE PILL!!
There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First
off the dentist said, \"I\'ll give you a shot to numb your jaw.\" The guy said, \"No, please don\'t do that,
I\'m afraid of needles.\" The dentist said, \"OK, I\'ll get out the gas to put you to sleep.\" However the
guy said, \"Nope, I\'m allergic to the gas.\" So the dentist said, \"Just a minute, I\'ll go look for
something else.\" After awhile he came back with a couple of pills. The guy asked, \"What kind of pills are
those?\" The dentist said, \"Viagra.\" The guy said, \"WHAT! Why these?\" The dentist said, \"They won\'t
help the pain, but they\'ll give you something to hang on to while I pull your damn tooth.
BAR MASTER
A guy
walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, \"\"Quick pour me twelve drinks.\"\"
So the bartender
pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to
the guy, \"\"Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.\"\"
The guys says, \"\"Well, you would be
drinking really fast too if you had what I\'ve got.\"\"
The bartender says, \"\"What\'ve you got?\"\"
The guy says, \"\"75 cents.\"\"
TIS BLONDE TIME!
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road
and approaches a \'blonde lady\' driver. \"Mam, is there a reason that you\'re weaving all over the road\"?
The woman replied, \"Oh officer, thank goodness you\'re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there
was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the
right and there was another tree in front of me!\" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the
officer replied, \"Ma\'am...it\'s your air freshener!!!\"
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, \"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -
but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.\"
\"Oh Dear!\" the
doctor exclaimed in disbelief. \"But, what happened to your other ear?\"
\"The jerk called
back!\"
------------------------------------------------------------
FOR MEN ONLY...LADIES, “”“DO NOT”“
READ
------------------------------------------------------------
DIRTY TUNES
While auditioning for a job, a
pianist played one of his own compositions. \"That\'s beautiful\", the lounge owner said, \"What do you call
it?\"
\"Rip Her Clothes Off and Screw Her Doggie Style\", the pianist replied. The owner asked him to play
another piece, which was equally beautiful. When asked the title, the pianist replied, \"Shove Your Dick in Her
Mouth and Whistle a Happy Tune.\"
\"Look, I love your music\", the owner said, \"but I\'ll hire you only
if you keep your song titles to yourself.\"
The pianist agreed and began work that night. After his first set, he
got up to go to the men\'s room. On his way back, a customer stopped him.
\"Excuse me, do you know your
fly\'s unzipped and your cock is hanging out?\"
\"Know it?\" the pianist replied. \"I wrote it!!!\"
Gotta tune I can borrow? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif